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Bartholomew Sep 2018
My friends adore this fearlessness that I’ve acquired
Or is this a facade that I’ve mastered?
I may not have any phobias of flight or height nor am I afraid of monsters and demons in the closet or under the bed.

I fear that I may disappoint or fear that I cannot protect my loved ones.

I fear what I’m capable of and or doing.

But I’m afraid to love; whole heartedly.
I’m afraid to share my deepest darkest secrets then have them used against me.

But my biggest fear of all....
I’m afraid of someone loving me and finding me beautiful.....
I’m afraid that one day the inevitability will come thanks to time and that, that “someone” will hate me and see what they once thought was beautiful is now hideous in their eyez.

The beauty that they once gazed upon in my soul has now become ugly and that frightens me the most.

Fearless? Nah, I’m only human, wishing I had less fear or the ability to fear less....
JB Aug 2018
That feeling
That reason why you don’t move
Why you don’t look up
Take your nose out of the book
The reason why you zoom to the next class with your head down
Talking to nobody but yourself and your tortured thoughts
The tightness in your chest
The terrifying feeling
When someone approaches you
The relief and heavy breath out
Like the release of a balloon
When you realize they were heading toward someone else
The
          Thoughts
Just
      Don’t
Stop
Everything
Becomes a struggle
A big mission on what path to take
With the least people
The least amount of eyes staring and mouths talking
You assume they are talking about you
You are terrified
Have to get out
You walk fast
To your little hideaway
Your safe haven for now
But you can never hide away from the real cause
The real reason
You realize as a tear runs down your red
frightened face
You can’t run away
Anymore
gabriella garcia Sep 2018
Seeing, looking, glancing
They’re all focused on me
My soul, my heart
They look right through me

Lit, red, burning eyes
They make me wonder,
am I alive?
Will I ever see myself like they see me?
No.

They come closer, they look closer
They stare.  Blank

They stay in front of me,
standing still

While the others go in for the ****
anxiety
Nyx May 2018
Run

R u n
Disappear
Avoid him at all costs
Pretend that nothing happened
That in that moment you didnt get lost
H i d e
Escape
His Feelings have changed
He left his heart in your hands
This boy must be deranged
S t o p
Retreat
Halt, Don't panic
Why are you freaking out?
His motives aren't satanic
W h y
He's in love with you
You played along
Didnt you want this too?
How can you pretend nothing wrong
H e a r t l e s s
You lead them on
Fill them with delight
Crush them the next day
Make them dread that wonderful night
F r i g h t e n e d
Acting like a monster
A Cold. Cruel. *****.
But in reality your just afraid
Afraid, to be the one left in a ditch
D e c i d e
Don't do it unless your certain
If you don't love him, don't try
Your not ready for commitment
There is no need to lie
L o v e
Don't pick at the faults
All the what ifs, the possibilities
Take things slow, fall for him
Accept the responsibility
T r u s t
In him and yourself
He won't hurt you
He won't expose or leave you for dead
Just be ready, together you'll face what's ahead

I'm bad at commitment and relationships
I always get so afraid and panicked
I simply want to escape
Umi May 2018
Do you remember how you stood there ?
When the sun had set and the afterglow started to fade, you stood proud, slightly upon the dusk, brilliantly, majestically yet so tiny,
You looked so lonely and helpless, as light faded into darkness,
Covering the world; a sweet blanket filled with many twinkling stars,
How impossible it seems to turn back, have you realized how you changed so drastically, my little sparkling friend over such little time?
Irrational the things hidden away by the night, no moon comes to rise
If you would realise, how this world really is, or the place you are being led, softly, gently, elegantly to stand would be like, what then ?
Have you changed because, you calmly, without having any knowledge fear the night and it's lingering, loitering darkness ?
The night is stained with illusions, keep your gaze up to the sky and follow another star, then surely you would be able to reach your goal,
When you engage in pure furies, the whereabouts of the heart remain undetermined, you just lose yourself within its wandering fragrance,
Because the world you had taken for granted collapsed into somber,
Collapsed into a dimmer more frightening state of undefined beauty,
Everything is far too late, impossible to return now, it has been decided that it maybe should have been so, a loitering darkness to be,
You are part of this world now, standing where you are don't you think that this sky, slumbering earth is as allure as nothing else ?
If it awakens your wish will become true and you will disappear by the sight of the daybreak, the sun takes over with her golden light,
The world you have forgotten will reappear then everything starts a new and maybe one day you too will understand, my dearest,
That the night is something very beautiful.

~ Umi
Aidan Derocher Apr 2018
cinder rains from the sky,
a past life immolated.

my soul was ignited,
by the fire in her eyes.

the structure built is now aflame,
crumbling to oblivion.

and like all change,
there is accompanying fear.

are her feelings real? are mine? does she regret asking? why did she ask? how do i act? am i not caring enough? am i too caring? am i scaring her off? does she really want to spend time with me?  am i fit for such a blessing? can i ever meet her expectations? leave her satisfied? happy?

i don't know
i don't know
i don't know

but what i do know,
is that there is a sulfuric cloud looming,
ready to engulf me,
if i am to ever fall
Duzy Apr 2018
I used to be afraid of the unknown
Until I was taught to see

It's me that is unknown
And these people are afraid of me
MfP Apr 2018
Dancing
To the rhythm that plays inside my mind
Enhancing
When the things around me begin to unwind
Listening To the beat
Trying to make each step, every word, and my thoughts match it
Hoping
I don’t mess up and trip
Wishing
To be able to slow down and catch my breath
Asking
Why is it going faster and faster
I’m feeling my feet stumble across this stage
Frightened
I won’t be able to pick myself up again
m.f.p
Crystal Mar 2018
My hands tremble
Im feeling weak
The blade cuts deeper
The blood starts to seep

I hear the voices
In side my brain

Echoing all around
They are what caused the pain

My hands tremble
I pull the gun to my head
It’s almost over
Just remember what they said

I hear the voices
All around
Crying and weeping
Because my blood is on the ground

It’s all over
No pain to be found
No voices here
No-one around
Lily ale Feb 2018
I tell her I’m tired and go to bed, I’ve had a couple of shots and a beer in my hand and I throw on one of her tee shirts and sweats and sleep
It’s 3:27 am I wake up with the alarm clock right in my face
As if fate was saying you will remember this forever
A man I do not know it touching me, he places his self inside me,
Like a knife into a piece of meat
I can’t move, I’m confused, I’m sad I’m angry, I’m shocked, I feel every emotion at once but I’m in limbo,
This can’t be happening I say
But it is and my body does nothing to change it.
I can’t look him in the face as his chuckles and groans becomes the ringing in my head,
My pants are on the ground and all I want to do is shed my skin
I walk to the bathroom I’m still floating in limbo it feels my steps aren’t really steps
This is all a nightmare
Bathroom doors lock and hopes that shower doors could too, the water so hot I hope it melts him off me
Like candle wax
I don’t remember anything after that
The next day I tell my friends
You were ***** they say.
**** victim is the one thing I never thought would describe me
Yet still every time I close my eyes I see the alarm clock
3:27 am
Every time I hear a laugh it’s his
Every time I’m alone
I’m scared that I’m not.
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