I don't find comfort in people anymore
I don’t even feel like faking it anymore.
It hurts. It hurts to see him. It hurts to see him smile.
It hurts to see him sad and broken. Like I have been
And like I have made him many times before,
despite my intentions
It hurts to see him walking
because every time,
he’s walking away.
It hurts to see him go run in the rain.
Wishing I was the water droplets on his skin.
Because he found the joy in the thing most disliked
With the lightning and thunder chasing us
But that’s just me daydreaming now
It hurts to push past him in the hallway,
with his scent reminding me of all the time
That never was and couldn’t have been
It hurts to see her in the halls,
with the hoodie I used to call mine.
It hurts to know that I can’t be there for him.
When I know he needs it,
but he just doesn’t want it from me.
I want to love him, not manipulate and use him like she did.
Not try to change him into something that he’s not just for the benefit of my own,
like the other one did.
It hurts to know that all of that is gone.
It hurts to know that I can dial the same number but it’s never going to ring
It hurts to know that I’m going to call him anyway.
Because breaking old habits is hard.
“The telephone number you have dialed is temporarily not in service.”
I'm not going to rant to you
as you may not understand
You have always said
promised to me, over and over again
that you will be there to talk to
if i ever dare feel the need
In a moment of weakness
i try to use the words
that i know you will not understand
english is a harsh language
With hard, stiff, stone letters
The tough, callused hand
better at beating you down
Than helping you up
A way to comfort you in a relation
a way to turn these stiff ways of the tounge
to silk and fresh water
easily, gentally, softly felt
As smooth as a cold, gliding glacier's stream
English is the langague
for facts, explanations
plain, blunt topics
It's hard to have words for feelings
ways of the heart
But other lanauges don't have words for such things
They have words, phrases, exchanges, dialects, customs
for dreams, almost out of reach
So when I try to explain to you
What i am going through
behind the "I'm fine."
"You know what I mean?"
"Uh, not really"
Now you know the thoughts inside my head
Twisted by your interpritaion
I don’t wanna be your girl no more
Can’t you see
I’m not me
to be your friend
To be here for you
Your arms here
God I want
But there’s some **** I can’t forget
Just know you left bruises
They could be worse
The second time
You left scratches
You pierced my skin
It stings a little
The next time there was a cut
But not left by you
Although the impression of you lingered
Lost but found with the tip of the blade
The loneliness of night
Escorted by the open arms of a sad playlist
Just take from this
How much you changed
In my view
Now it’s my turn
Everyday you’re here
I count until your gone
For I know it is inevitable
But my calculations were wrong
And you are gone too soon
And I didn’t get to say
That I ...
I can't be alone with these thoughts of mine
My mind runs like a hamster on a wheel
Sometimes it just won't shut up
I need to scream
Let it all out somehow
Some way I just need to feel at least
I am locked in a cage, and no one has the key.
I'm a bird in a cage. Flapping my wings, only hurting my self because the cage is too small.