In a world so fake I search for something thats real,
But how great is the contradiction when I haven’t been real with myself,
All this pressure builds,
Some things I had to break down,
Others just fell apart never to be rebuilt again no matter how great the builder may be,
Stuck in my ways again,
She said I prayed for you,
But I must part ways with you,
It’s crazy how it all pans out,
Because I love you,
But your driving me crazy,
I’m not myself without you,
Every ticking second of every minute I can’t control my feelings without you,
In my presence .....forever.

Someone else’s immortality is the heaviest thing to carry
When you left, I realized I would take you with me forever
A weight on my shoulders and a hand in my own
Barely there but never fading

I carry you in the way I see your silly habits
Chewed up nails, toe tapping, off key whistling
When I hear 90s rock on my messed up car radio
I hold you close when I see women with bruises
Wishing, forever begging
that I could have saved you
I reach for you when it’s three am and I dream about our sleepovers
I miss your tired eyes, the coffee you kept in your cup

I carry you in three little rings, along with everyone else
A shirt you gave me and jeans I stole
A necklace you handed me, always on display
I miss you in the static of the phone call when I told you I loved you
I miss you when I smell the ink of the letter you gave me years before you left
The only proof I have that you loved me too

The weight of your immortality is the heaviest thing I’ve carried

Knowing every day you are lost, as I am without you
Begging and wishing with all my heart that you are safe
Your immortality, will be my burden to bear.
Knowing every day you are no longer the person I grew up with.

I will carry the memory of you forever.  

I will grow older,
I will marry and have children and accomplish my life’s goals
And you will forever be stuck 18
Cheap hair dye, battered sneakers, and your dads old car
You are immortal in me, never changing even as you do
And it kills me to think how wrong I might be

Your immortality is the heaviest task I’ve had.
Yet I carry on;
Committing you to memory
What an honor it is to carry you

You are sweet
Your sound seems tweet.
You are beautiful
You are artful.
When we were together
We were time unaware.
I don't see you anymore
You still find me in that mirror.
That because you still love me dear
From far away I still live closely and near.

I made out of paper
My thought made out of  letter.
You don't see me
You can't hear me.
Still you understand me
I don't know what you like
Unless you  say that to me.
If you can't say then write on me.
You may write all your
sorrow, joy, pain, sadness.
I will hold them forever.

As I peeped into the past,
which was just before me.
I was gazing at the stars, stretched to infinity
into The Night Sky!

The  tranquility of the moment flew me away,
Away from the random labyrinth of thoughts,
Thoughts, I didn't know I was ensnared into.

Absolved I am here now.

I know I am gaping at the stars which faded in the PAST,
I know I am still here, caught in the PRESENT,
I know I could not be back to the FUTURE.

Thus,
I no more exist in time, I exist in moments.
Moments I cherish,
Moments I lives,
They defy TIME,
They are MY FOREVER!

Whisper my name again my love
Shout it to the stars
Make the wind blow
The earth shudder
Put your arms round me my love
Make my  world safe
Keep me warm in your embrace
Walk with me my love
Let us run together
Laugh at the rain
Dance in the moonlight
My love forever

To my soul, aspire to be immortal
& exhaust all things possible, be
selfish & ruin death of it’s act.
To the soul find out what makes
existence worth the trouble.
But my soul, dare not become
a God nor muse.

I’ll read this poem in
eleven years
and know that
my first love is
dead , has died
somewhere on this world
his blood saturated
his heart that
once loved me
still .

it is gray outside
of my window,

and it is also
gray in this room.



but outside,
the gray is obvious.

the clouds are
blocking out the sun.



and inside,
the gray is irrelevant
because you shine
so bright that

I am only ever
looking at you.



the world outside
fades away in here.

it is beautiful and
sunny and vibrant.



here, the stress of
the world outside
can't touch me.

I see no sadness
or pain or fear.



I only see you.
I only ever see you.