I am a child of nature, a force undeniable
a warm April rain
that will never stop falling
an element of life

I can't stop wanting the wind beneath my feet
to set my soul free, and drift on clouds aimlessly

like a baby bird, abandoned, and never taught how to fly
by instinct needs its freedom to survive

it pounds through my veins
to follow what calls to me and never give up in trying

to be, all that is ME

and want to run, to escape from all that haunts and hurts me
to fly away

but

every time I jump from the cliffs of life and spread my wings
inevitably, the gravity of reality pulls me back down

you see

it's not the final fall that hurts the most
or the crashing into the ground

it's

that never-ending drop of eternal emptiness

that feeling
of constant descent
that lump
that forms in the back of your throat
blocking your breath

it's

the painful tightening and panic
piercing in your chest

it's

that fear of

F
E
E
L
I
N
G

of loving deeply and losing even deeper
of living without meaning
and longing for something more
of knowing life is short, but death is forever
and feeling as if you're caught somewhere in-between here and there

so, I stand still
too scared to move
not knowing any more what to do
because I've never been very good at living
without the promise of a heartbeat

and

it seems I've forgotten how to breathe on my own

but

I can't escape these memories that haunt me
and running away only brings me back to where I started
standing here, alone

::sighs::

it's all too familiar, these days that are passing me by
always coming then going
like the people, and the lost moments of my life

::sighs::

leaving me, without having the courage
to face the mirror of reality of why they left
and me standing there, alone
looking in a mirror with no reflection
if only I could learn to fly away.

©️ Dark Water Diaries

Summertime and the holidays
I'm off to the coast
Yea! Off to the sunny seaside
Breezin' down the highway with my window wide open
The music blaring on the radio
Got my bags all packed in the back
Got my swimming trunks in, my beach towel, beach ball.... and my wonderful inflatable woman.

At the hotel I unpack, I get her out
At first she's a bit flat
She's like my very own genie in a bottle
When I uncork her,  start to pump her up  
It's then...it's then the magic starts

At first she flounders and writhes about
Then suddenly she grows bigger, she becomes *****,
  she rears up
I know what my three wishes are gonna be
With her lovely ***** salacious look  
I know what she's thinking
"Is Sargeant Sausage, is he coming out to play"
Why! You little hussey you little ****.

Big and bouncy, so pink and soft and wowzy
My wonderful wibbebly wobbly wonder girl
How I love her lovely curves, all her lovely hills and valleys
She's so pneumatic she's... she's absolutely fantastic
Great big bonging bangers 
I lose myself in her, squeeze her tightly
Like a big big balloon she carries me away from all the cares of the day...far faraway
She's incredible!  She's amazing!!  

(Careful not to bite her though , I did that once
She started to hiss, then she went off flying, farting all around the room).

I made me a tape of conversations from movies
Girls saying sweet things to their fellas,
I play it when she's there
Looking at me across the room
O!  she's so sweet, so understanding
She never criticises, is so undemanding
If only all girls could be that way.

The two of us together
Man! She's a fine bit of rubber
We make a good.... a lovely couple
Just me...me and my wonderful...my wonderful inflatable woman.

Oh ugly butterfly
They think less of you

When you were a caterpillar
There was hope
The children caught you
Placed you in a jar
Picked you leaves
And watched you grow

Hatched
From a cocoon
Sprouted wings
But "oh no"
They were not colorful

The children released you
Just let you go
"Fly away ugly butterfly"
They scream and shout
"We do not love you
for you are not beautiful"

the bird I saw at the water park
that bird flew so freely
it seemed so happy to me
because it has wings that I don't have

it is able to go anywhere it wants to go
but that bird is very lonely,  
because it's flying after departing its mother

the bird I saw at the water park
the bird I saw at the playground
the bird I saw on the plane

the bird that was always alone, will fly
freely to find friends
it's not lonely anymore as it flies together

hey, bird bird bird bird

the bird that was always alone, will fly
freely to find friends
it's not lonely anymore as it flies together

hey, bird bird bird bird

As I stand at the edge of the ledge,
My feet dangle.
Creating the music you used to sing.

I rethink,  
and your old words push my mind.

"If you're so sad why don't you jump?"
those were your exact words, father.

Maybe, I'll try to fly
but your words will push me down.

My body will go numb,
as my screams create waves in the chilly water.

And then I'll swim away