I feel like the world is vibrating way to fast today and if I stop to think for even a bit to long little slivers of my sanity will begin to shake off and float away in the wind.
I feel like everything is so far away from me and no matter how much I run in any direction it just keeps getting farther and farther away and maybe it will all simply vanish.
I feel like today that if no one was to touch me even just my hand I might dissappear and that maybe just maybe im remembering a memory or maybe I am a memory and none of this is real.
I feel like if I dont cry right this very moment I will forget how to control my feelings and all of my emotions may just seep out all at once and I will cease the ability to be understood by anyone ever again.
I feel like im breaking in to peices and no matter how tightly I shut them my eyes dont want to stay in my head and no matter how many times I rub them together my hands cant find a spot to rest and no matter how much I hum and shush  at it my heart will not stop beating so loudly
I feel that ,and maybe Im just thinking out loud here, but I maybe might just a little bit but im pretty sure im going insane.

People tell me I'm strong but maybe I'm just a good actress I try to keep the show going, but alone I break.

Yes, I break and I'm only a human heartless from the countless others who sworn they stay? Maybe, but human nonetheless I am the master of "I'm fine", so good I'll soon destroy myself.

Nothings fine and it rarely is after years of emotional emptiness you become numb trying everything just to feel something again. I'm tired of bring broken is it too late to be fixed? Its possible that I have destroyed myself beyond repair

Oh how I'd **** to feel fixed for a day.

I need someone, something, anything to come fix my soul
It’s dark in here...

Don't you ever wonder why I haven't contacted you? Why it was so easy for me to give up my best friend?
I wanna write beautiful poetry about us, about our love but the truth is it was all a facade and it was ugly and deceptive and it will never make it to the movie screens. I used to think you were an angel sent from above to take care of me, to fix me up, but all you ever did was break me into smaller puzzle pieces and you know I've never been good at solving puzzles. I've never been good at anything but loving you until I realized there was one person better at it; you. You were the best at loving you all along and that's how you broke me. And that's why I can't contact you. Because you broke me and I'm still not whole and until I'm whole I could fall back into your web of lies, intoxicated by desire for a love that never was.
You know, I always liked blue eyes until I memorized yours
And now I can't seem to get them out of my head

I need you to take
the fragments that broke
and stick them back
in swiftly stroke.

I kept trying, I did, but
couldn't do it myself you see;
oh please won't you rip off
this bandage for me?

I want to be able to feel
all that's past but isn't gone
but with my heart in pieces
I just can't know what's wrong.

There's no pressure really
just please make it clean
and don't puncture any of
my major arteries.

I'm strong enough?
No, you don't understand
I knew what I could take, but-
this isn't what I'd planned.

This broke me but it didn't hurt;
now I'm just practically dead.
I need someone else to fix me
so I can remember how I hit my head.

I've scheduled an appointment about 3 different times but, cancelled for each.
I didn't think there was any purpose in laying down the voices in my head for a stranger
When I've spent so much time building cement walls of silence between anyone who has ever gotten too close to me.
I have spent this lifetime creating sound proof dream catchers of my screams.
I am not known to grab hold of clingy hearts
Because, it's hard to hold on to things that are trying to do more than grasp me.
I say goodbye or pass them along as often as the tide comes into the shore.
But, I do not come back as it does.
But, the voices in my head do.
The doubts they hit me like teeth to concrete
The anxiety hits me like 10 ft deep waters with no air to breathe in
And I am not the swimming kind.
I am a runner, so it is hard for me to live in water deep enough to drown in.
I have created water deep enough to drown in.
I have become so controlled that I am numb to hands
And I fall to words so easily.
I scare me
My voice scares me
My thoughts scare me .
Night hits like the sun after a storm
And I can't figure out which one I am or which I want to be.
I have created a tornado of this mind
A wildfire of this heart
And a tomb of this body
And I don't know if I have self-shattered too profusely
And too quietly to fix it.
So I am here now,
You ask me why,
                              And I am here because now
The broken pieces can't be ignored anymore,
It's not getting easier in the morning anymore.
It's getting harder to wake
And I don't know how many more days I can be here
Like this...
This is my last chance to fix it
                                          fix her
                                          fix me.