my heart is made of scattered stars
glowing bright with their intent.

the constellation beautiful from afar
until the darkness comes.

Collapse is all there is.

the sweeping desolation.
shadows of once-brilliant celestial bodies
buried deep inside a shell with a
devastated soul.

my heart is made of scattered stars
that fold under pressure of
Love. Passion. Finality.
but when one star dies
the rest burn brighter
in the absence of its light.

At Notebooks end.
So we’re at this notebook’s end. The pages are full to bursting in there and to celebrate the ledger of poems and lyrics and half formed ideas I’m going to write down this freestyle of topics I haven’t discussed herein. Let’s begin with my senpai she knows who she is she picked the topics out that’s how special to me she is. She was the one who picked these topics out that’s how special to me she is. But I have to ask her finally to be mine because people like her come around once, maybe twice in a person’s lifetime.
Anyway let’s get into the real meat of this freestyle I think I’ll start with my room and its many strange residents that I acquired over the years via dumb luck gifts or just spending dead presidents. I have shorted out headphones that only seem to work with a binder clip two guitars and my grandpa gave me a bottle that contains a ship I have two vinyl pop figurines 1 of Batman and the original robin who later became Nightwing. A sewn pouch full of spare guitar picks additional sketchpads that are totally rad and an N64 console with a messed up controller and a lagging joystick. And last but not least I have on my Bed rest Del the Funky Sox Bear and his little brother Shawn Hawk aka MF.
Now that my room is covered let’s get into the nitty gritty about my hometown Chicago the second city. Warning to all tourists its pronounced S-E-A-R-S tower even though it’s spelled Willis. Anyway I was born and raised here like DJ quik and his hometown of Compton no offense to the man but in my city we have our own definition of Stomping. There just isn’t any city on earth that is quite like mine I have a lot of love for my home more than I can ever hope to fit into one rhyme.
Now onto two more topics that Echo picked out. Laughter and sound, Is it possible to accurately describe these two parts of life in a verse that’s been written down? God only knows because we’re going to find out. Laughter is life’s most potent medicine releasing endorphins that make us feel good all over. But as it can be medicine it can also be a poisonous mask because many people including myself over the years have used laughter to cover up the tears from a broken heart of glass. Speaking of laughter it’s a most wondrous sound emanating from humans occasionally rolling around on the ground. Sound technically speaking is vibrations that travel through the air that surrounds but for me its fuel to write my musings down.
Last but not least let’s address the blue sometimes cloudy and sunset blazed sky, now heights and I don’t really mix in just not that kind of guy. But on the back of a calm endearing Zephyr I would love to fly.

The world ended last night.

I’m sure it did.

And while I squeezed souls
From pillows,
Soiled stars
Wrought one tip of my brow
And bled every last liter,
For tomorrow’s star.
Atop melody,
I imagined a piano,
The nail-less fingers a’rapping,’
Opposed my battered knuckles,
Awry atop ivory
And concluding chorus,
A not so sad one, a not so bad one
But the last one;
Certitude and
Without encore in earshot.

The world ended last night;

I know now, beyond doubt, it really did.

This shared story of ours
just sang its last verse.
In these last agonizing hours,
saw our love explode in reverse.

Rejected once again,
despair's endless chain.
Fate's allowed continuance,
illusion's promiscuous influence.

Kind time unwinds.
Memories separating.
Bright skies, clouding
Our happiness fading.

In the deepest recesses of my heart, I know,
I wont be able to escape from what follows.
The idea of a happy ending, so far, so hollow,
emptiness is what remains, misery's flow.

Barbed wires around my heart
both keep it safe and forsaken.
reality's trap, it was so smart,
experienced infatuation, so mistaken.

Amidst the rainbow storm inside my soul,
inner bright cacophony that just wont stop.
Destruction of self, my next goal.
one final harvest from hatred's crop.

Let the tar clouds from black skies
rain down on your people parade.
Let the endless sealess cries
remind you of my trust betrayed.

Dreams undo apart.
Hopes rise only to fall.
Illusion, a mastering art.
Delusion, the world in all.

A promising red moon over my head
tells me the story of what lies ahead.
Someone deserving your ill intent,
prays for resolution in time spent.

Did you see me falling in your darkness?
will you ever stop being my enemy?
Should I wait in eternity,
enduring it's cruel harshness?

My heart feels quite numb,
amidst this emotional emergency.
If one thing I know with certainty;
Fairy tales aren't real, I was so dumb.

Embracing my unrelenting demons
my terrors remain unclaimed.
Cannot find a logical reason,
to live with the monster, unnamed.

Friends, collateral damage.
Enslaved to the fear within me.
I know we cannot be salvaged,
still, I search for that lost part of me.

The red moonlight stirs
through the trees, so clear.
Only one wish left,
to burn it with fire.
This unholy forest of desire.

Storms settle down over a sunset.
A secret in the night,
against my plight,
a blessing in disguise,
a guardian onset.

The sound of silence surrounds her....
The crash of breaking hearts
       The scream of a love dying
The cry of tattered bonds
        To watch it all come tumbling down
Engulfs the entire space
         With an air of finality and new beginning......

you were never just flesh and bones to me.
you were snaggle toothed pumpkins on halloween and socks at the foot of my bed.
and it used to be hard to unlearn you but now your secrets are unraveling and leaving me threadbare.
and i never knew the way my lips were shaped when they weren't crying out your name but now my cupid's bow sits high and i cant even remember how many syllables your lips have anymore.
and i found it funny then, how the hurricane hit on the anniversary of you leaving, but then again i figured it was just your soul trying to claw it's way back to me.
but shutters were made for a reason, and you never did know the difference between "enough", and "not nearly enough".
sometimes i get flashbacks of the way i made you laugh but then i make myself laugh harder and realize that even though you left,
left when all i had was you,
i am still ivy on a tin roof, stardust in a bottle and you,
you are flesh and bone.

You forgetting me, me forgetting you
such a quiet disease

it gets worse with time

soon you nor I will feel
the feeling of loss when you think about
kissing, touching or making love

If we're lucky we will live on in each other
in a form of nostalgia
Like the feeling you get when you remember
something that used to seem so simple or innocent in your childhood

but at worst we wont remember or pretend not to remember at all

We'll go on with our beautiful lives
Charming this world, one boy, one girl at a time.

God, it is so hard to believe we were once so perfect.
Life is hard and we just kind of get by
I guess it takes it's toll on us.

I fell in love with you because you told me that it would be okay
plus you said you wanted to be a preacher so
I just knew I could believe what you promised

it was so great, I swear

you said you loved me on our second date because I was
unlike any girl you'd ever met and you
wanted me forever and always
and you were gonna be a preacher and you prayed for me
and I really really believed you

God, I was in love

it happened so fast and it was long distance
not like from here to Boston but
two hours was kind of far and I
asked you to prom on your birthday
it was so great, like something off of Pinterest
it was a scavenger hunt with dragon ***** all over campus
and yeah I was in high school and you were in college so
it was kind of lame but you said yes I was going to get
a pink dress and you wanted suspenders and
it was so great

but

what kind of future preacher starts to ask for
pictures of me naked I know
they only last for ten seconds but I didn't want to
but you said you loved me and you wanted to be a preacher
so I believed you and in retrospect I should
have thought things through but you only asked that once
at first and then dropped it so we were fine and
you were sweet and God, you were so handsome
I was in love and it was great

but

then on your birthday you were nineteen and wanted something special so
I bought you cream soda and balloons though
you wanted something that you'd remember forever
you took my hand and told me what you wanted and
I was shocked because I thought you wanted to be a preacher
and yet you told me how badly you wanted me to get undressed
and to give you something you'd never forget
you treated me like a ***** but I was still in love with you
because you promised and I really believed you
cause I loved you and you said I could trust you

then

at twelve on a school night you called my phone
and woke me up, I was so happy to hear you though
because I loved you and you said I was special
and you make me feel so warm inside
and then you sighed
and broke up with me over a phone call
I cried and yelled because I was upset
and you put me through hell but I loved you
so I didn't eat for a few days
and you texted me saying that you were praying for me which
makes sense because you said you wanted to be a preacher

you manipulative ****

I forgot about you and tried to move on with
a fling with a guy who gave me his number while
I was a cashier at the grocery store
and he and I had fun but
he wasn't you
you were in Philly for the summer
spreading the word of Gods love
and then you called me
and told me that you still loved me and begged for
forgiveness and I made you cry but
decided to give you another shot

that didn't work

because you made me think I could trust you again but
I wasn't the only girl who you were calling
and I can't believe you were lying to so many people
while you were on a mission trip
I thought you wanted to be a preacher but
you're a liar

so now we go to the same college and

guess what you're the preacher for the
college ministry which is so funny because
every time you get up to preach and people say you're a great man
I laugh because I've seen you naked
and no one knows the real you that's
not a preacher but I know
and your new girlfriend does she know that
when I first moved here you were texting me behind her back
trying to hook up with me
no I bet she doesn't because you're
real good at keeping secrets
aren't you, preacher
well I've caught on to all your tricks and I'm happy to say that
I'm done with you for good and

now, finally

I don't believe you
and I sure as hell don't need you

Look back on the life of a man
The minute before he dies
While those machines bite into
shallow skin manifest the last heart noises
And shriek terrible monitory sounds,

He’s giving up.

It’s the glow of those machines
that only witness
whatever death he faces

Does he confront them?
Shouting around the
tube stuck in his throat

Does he think back
in high school
when he lost the basketball game
he missed a three-pointer
And he wasn’t good enough
Does he tell the machines that he was? lonely.

Will he tell them he loved a girl once,
Loved her, and left her
For being afraid
Of all the dark in the world.
Will he tell them that he thinks of her

Does he make sure they know his will,
Will he ask them where he’s going to go
Into the shadows of forever life

I think he does.
And I think they answer him,
Shrieks of noises that mark his death
With sudden silence
And they are words that only the dying can hear.