There had to be more than 200 people in the room. I stood on stage filming, and I couldn't help but notice her. I watched as she swayed back and forth to the music. I captured every moment of the way her body moved. I tried so hard to not just foucus on her. As the night went on I found myself filming her oer and over again. I longed for her energy and her presence. She inspired me. Her smile. The way her eyes lit up. I longed for it all. The worst part of it all? She was a mystery. I didn't know her name, her interests, nothing. Nothing but a beautiful soul captured in a lens. And that's all I'll ever know of her.

Reglossing, rewashing, removing, returning,
she kept using the same cloth to wipe up this mess.
All of the same mistakes constantly repeating,
spools of half-hearted "I'm sorry's" unwinding,
foolproof promise to cover for her missed absence.

I persist reloading, rewinding, replaying
watching the film of our lives together, pausing
at moments where temporarily, I confess,
unpredictable happiness ceased repeating.
This trainwreck of a show carries on, blistering
slides that I want to swipe clean, but her name suppress
stained slates developing, deflecting, destroying.

I throw away the footage, romanticizing  
sheer ideas of finally making progress
forgetting her. But relapse results repeating
bad habits. There is not a remedy. I cling
to the seasons of the past, wanting to digress
reminding, rewinding, removing, regretting.
'Til the cloth clears again, chaos keeps repeating.

Whoever called it that
never knew.

The colors are beyond real - just
like they are in dreams. But dreams

never come back on you, not
as dreams.

The rattling whirr
of the projector; the couple

walking into the distance,
taking everything with them.

Everything.

She contemplated death
as coolly as the opening of
a lotus.

Its light spread on
her mad-locked smile
drained
of his mournful red,
like unfinished smears
of butter on toast.

Killed on TV
The shooter got three

Newscaster's nightmare
Filmed in the stare

Wonders did he need?
Bullets made them bleed

Click Bang Bang
Oh, What a stain!!

Gone in a moment
Stop the commotion

When you do bad things you never expect that they will happen to you

But if you believe in karma its inevitable that you'll get what's coming to you

When life becomes too heavy in reality. I display it on the sliver scene in my head

Like watching a sad film that I can't look away from. Because its just one of those nights that I want to be sad

I am no better or worse then the stars in my film. Yet I feel all their sadness all their struggle and every bit of their repentance

She's the lead role tonight, still sleeping in our bed.

She is always beautiful on the silver screen, when she smiles and plays...but tonight I'm watching a sad film

And all I see is her sadness and mine

She's sleeping in our bed next to the space that I wish I've always filled

She is beautiful in her sleep and I am tired of this film. I want too look away but my eyes are glued to the screen

I know I should lay down in the space next to her. The space that can only be filled by me tonight

She is the star of my film and we have both played our separate roles. But I am tired these old films.

So tonight I fill in that space

And as I lay there next to her, I close my eyes, cutting to black

Hoping for a happy ending

So at that very moment
That very instance
Time was enclosed
Produced on film
Black and white
From an antique rolleiflex

Obsolete in nature
Yet, oddly charming
And on that very parchment
Time was encapsulated
Stored for reminiscing

This picture is not worth
        a       thousand      words
Only a simple phrase
             that  summed    up
    fractions of a second
      
Time was frozen
To a terrific photograph
From an antique rolleiflex