I took off my blinders today.

I saw around myself
The life I neglected
In my tunnel vision,
The inauthenticity
Of my behavior.
I saw the box I so happily
Dwelled in and
Make-believed that I was
Doing something
Important.

I saw my hypocrisy in
Looking at others
And make-believing
I was made of
Something different.

Maybe I can be, now.

My grandma committed suicide
When I was six
I'm sure it was my fault
Was I not good enough?
Did I not meet your standards?

What did I do wrong?

My best friend
For seven years
Left me last year
For an unknown reason
Was I not kind enough?
Was I just too weird?

What did I do wrong?

Someone said I am stupid
Lazy
And dumb
Am I really?
Am I mentally ill,
Do you think?

What did I do wrong?

I don't know what I did
But it must have been me
It's always me

*What did I do wrong?

Please,
It's not your fault

Don't blame yourself
For my mistakes

I'm sorry if I hurt you
I'm sorry if I caused you guilt

It wasn't your fault
I gave you no warning

There was nothing
You could have done

I'm sorry for burdening you
I'm sorry for causing you pain

But it wasn't your fault
It was mine

For every dream you held
Bite once the metal rod
For every life believing what you said
Tighten it
Tighten the screws to your head
For every night you slept
Soundly, oblivious
For every light you didn't know you held
Tighten it
Tighten the noose to your neck
If you dream
Past this point
No solace lies
See the face
Of honor
Twist into a knife
Incision
Precision
The external
Infernal force
Will leave you empty
Innards on the asphalt
Appalled and
Bleeding on the fault line
All night

Why do we always blame life for all our shortcomings?

a sort of trepidation
that accompanied each butterfly gesture
served as the puncture weapon of a daily wound.
today, the empty hole left within me-
filled with inevitable aftermath.

I'll wallow through the ocean of your absence.

It is me
At fault
For having high hopes
For having great expectations
It is me
Whom I'm mad at
Because I allowed myself
Because I believed
It is me
Always me
Always my fault
Always wrong
Am I right?