I don't have a best friend
Not to be mistaken with having no friends
I do have some friends
But I have to the conclusion that they aren't trustworthy
Instead,  they are rather demanding
They have seen me laugh
and be funny
Talk about silly mistakes
and how others make me feel
They know that I don't have anyone in my life
and my unwillingness to dance
What they don't know
is that every day I fight
with myself
Not with scratches, blades and pins
But with my soul within
They don't know what I have been through
They have never seen the bruises still blue

They don't know
They just assume
They are not there when I am begging to up above
They are not there when I need a little love
They are not there when I have been crying for hours
They are not there when I feel like dying in the shower

Gossips and lame stuff is what they share
I continue to listen while the music continues to blare
There were many
who became my best friends over the years
Losing touch with them is what I feared
Then that's what happened
Sooner or later they forgot me
Phone calls became rarer
and Facebook our home.

Till today,  I stand without a best friend
Because I know I am whole
I am a winner
who stands alone.

I'm struggling with a heaviness,
Not easily weighed
Or accepted,
Yesterday crushes me beneath failed dreams,
Our tears,
An angry ocean with a woman's name,
Yours.
Forgive me as I forgive you.
One day I know we will breath easy
As the regrets that choke soften with time.
Until then my burden grows as I add your name to the list,
An epitaph of the loving.

Smoke your frozen
blue eyes away
Place all your
days in a daze

Take a shot
Take a hit
Take some E

When you fail
Don’t blame me

Hide from yourself
Hide from your kids
Hide from all three

Take a hit
Can’t forget
Can’t break free

I fail at life so hard
I say I want a job
But when I get called my anxiety takes over and makes me want to be invisible.
My mind is muddled and my soul is sad
Why, at life, must I be so bad