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Catrina  Feb 2018
Catrina Feb 2018
Try, try, try my best to be positive.

Try try, try some more to please him.

Taking classes that I don't enjoy.

Just to please him.

Go home not knowing what to expect.

Did I do everything that he wanted?

Did I do it to his expectations?

Striving to be the daughter he wants me to be.

(He is trying to live out his childhood dreams through me).

Expectations that I always fail to meet.

Try, try, try not to be in his presence when I cry.

Can't show him, give him the satisfaction.

Try try, try to do everything.

(I just want to avoid his dreadful sting).

Straight A's, a few B's. 3.50 G.P.A.

Not good enough for him.

All A's, 4.00 G.P.A. , is nothing to him.

Try, try, try, I am numb, no more feelings,

my "happiness" is all a lie.

He placed me in NJROTC at my high school,

expecting great things.

Be the top marksman.

But how can I be, if he won't allow me to compete?

Become colorguard commander,

without participating in an y of the events.

Become the CO of the program next year.

Without interacting the way I need to.

He expects all these things from me , and so much more.

Expectations and standards.

But makes it so that they are all impossible to meet.

Try, try, try  to be everything he wants me to be.

Try, try, try, and only meet failure.

Fail, fail, fail, makes no difference to him.

Cracking under the pressure,

can't be in the same room as him or my stepmother.

Fail, fail, fail, giving them both reasons to yell at me more.

Fail, fail, fail, why even try, when he really doesn't care?

Fail, fail, fail..........

What else is there to do?
Chris Thomas Nov 2017
It may surprise you to learn
That I cannot return to my genesis
Quite simply, I have no fail safe

It may leave you wanting for a whisper
But, when I open these frail, chapped lips
I have no fail safe

It may be that I am a savior in disguise
Hidden behind briers in the garden
But still, I have no fail safe

It may trigger a memory from nothing
To feel my fingers graze across your cheek
Yet, I have no fail safe

It may be a splintered crutch
That I lean on as I take the last train home
But, I have no fail safe

It may be that your delicate kiss
Is a beautiful straight-jacket
But, I have no fail safe

It may be that your unforgiving eyes
Are a glorious pair of fetters
But, I have no fail safe

It may be that the combination
Is within a world I no longer exist
Because after all this time
I still have no fail safe

If I fail, then there's no bail from my jail,
Only a one way sail to a desolate trail.
Emerged in the ground like a worm hiding from a bird,
Like the prodigal son, so far from his herd.

If I fail, I might just stop and stop thinking,
Staring at the sky, with tears in my eyes and just blinking.
Imagining what went wrong and how can it be reversed,
Or is this it and I'm done for, left to suffer and cursed.

If I fail will they abandon me and go away,
Will they seek interest in someone or something else so to say.
Or would they bare my pain and be by my side through it all,
And comfort me whether the sun shines or the rain falls.

If I fail, what can I possibly do next,
I won't bother to talk or bother to act, I'll just look hexed.
Pleasure and fun would no longer be in my mind,
Nor listening to music, or talking to friends in my free time.

If I fail, what sense would it make,
Was it to help find out who's real and who's fake.
But it won't matter, because when I get up I know,
To stay close to those who came to give their love and their support really show.

If I fail, everyone would loose faith in me,
Well besides God and the ones who claim that their hands are free.
But I'll remember the starting of it all and the vision I had,
When I was little and lacked knowledge as a lad.

If I fail, I fail for a reason,
Because every fruit grow and fall off it's tree in every due season.
So I will get up and try harder with faith,
Because no man can help me, and only God is great.

If I fail, I would gain wisdom, knowledge and understanding,
Of what it takes to stay afloat and still standing.
I'll know who's for me and stay true to them always,
And I'll do anything in life to ensure they are lifted and praised.

So if I fail, then there's no bail from my jail,
Only a one way sail to a desolate trail.
Emerged in the ground like a worm hiding from a bird,
Like the prodigal son, so far from his herd.
But that prodigal son did learn and returned to his nest,
And was accept by the ones who supported and had faith in him even when he disobeyed and left them in distress.
Äŧül  Dec 2015
I Didn't Fail
Äŧül Dec 2015
No, I didn't fail ever,
I just got one too many lessons,
I got lessons about life,
About love,
So, I didn't fail ever,
I didn't fail.

No, I didn't fail ever,
Each unsuccessful step is a lesson,
Each a lesson important in life.
I got lessons about the world,
About deceit,
So, I didn't fail ever.
I didn't fail.
Such is my take.

My HP Poem #939
©Atul Kaushal
JLB  Jun 2012
Temporary Tattoos
JLB Jun 2012
I blot people onto me, just to buff them away. Soakin em, and pressin em on.
Dabbin, pressin, soakin, like temporary tattoos.
Easy to apply, and pretty to look at.
Fun to show off, without any commitments, and then I just let em peel away after some time.
After their bright pigment fades, or their adhesive fails, I just rub em off.
Scratch em with my fingernails sometimes, when I get impatient.
Rub, scratch, off. Now, right now. I’m tired of lookin at you, feelin you on my skin.
I wore you for a bit,
Now it’s time for a new one.
Rub, scratch, dab, press, soak, press again again again.
Skin red, dry skin rub rub dab dab dab peel peel dab peel.
And then,
the ones I like the most, the most beautiful, the most vibrant,
color, color, color.
Purple, green.
purple purple
are the ones I try to keep the longest,
they’re always the quickest to fade,
and to peel,
and to fail.
Fail fail fail, come unglued.
Keep em out of the sunlight, outta the wind. In the dry. But they peel.
Peel peel peel, fail.
They fail.
And then,
I can’t find others quite like em. So I press on any old picture. Any color.
Gray, red, yellow, blue. Not quite right, no blue, no citron, no salmon.
Not quite purple enough.
Not quite green.
Not quite, never quite the same.
The same purple, the same green.
Just soak soak soak soak,
Press. Peel.
Until, again, something might feel right.
A personal epiphany.
Have you ever had that feeling of being inadequate?
Feeling like nothing is ever going to change? Same old, same old.
You want things to change, but they never do.
It makes you sicker and sicker for each passing minute.
That's exactly how I feel, and how do you keep you hopes up, your mood or anything for that matter?
Of course there is a lot to be grateful for, but when you are feeling so down, so hopeless, so alone and like such a failure... it's hard to appreciate anything at all.

It's all my faulth, because there is so much more I can do.
I just feel like I don't have the energy,  guts or confidence to try, and feeling like that only backfires on me.

How do I get the strength to be who I am, do what I want and live as I lust, in a world that tells us who we should be, how we should look, how we should think and tells us how we should live?
People who are able to do that, are one of the courageous people in the world.

We're lucky enough to be able to live as good as we do, and then we make stress for ourselves on things that don't really matter.
You have to do this or that to look pretty and stay young as long as possible.
We create needs that weren't even there to begin with.
We make them life essentials, when they're really far from it.

It's a ****** up world that kills the freespirited mind and makes us all live in cages.
Cages where everything is already decided, and if you don't measure up, then you fail as a humanbeing.
The truth is you fail more following the norm. You fail more not following you heart.
You fail more not seeing the world as it is, and doing what you can to make a difference.
You fail yourself being a coward. You fail your life. You fail the world.
You fail.

If you really feel like a failure, reflect upon how you are living your life and analyze if you are living for you, or for those who want to hold you captive...
The minute you stop just blindly following the crowd, is the minute you stop failing and start succeeding.
Aa Harvey Jun 2018
If all else should fail.

Let the light be gone and all darkness embraced;
Let me leave this world behind me in ruins
And let me be gone from this place.
Let the sun fall from the sky and wipe out all who stood before me;
Let all who dream of better futures,
See the ashes of a burnt out planet, buried under their misery.  

If all else should fail and my extinction stopped,
Then let the bodies drop
And fall from the pedestals we have placed upon this world.
Let the hatred unfurl;
Let the pain and misery rule.
Let all who came before me be brought back to this world,
To face their day of judgment…
Let them face their punishment.

Black out the sky with angel wings,
Hanging beneath the Devil’s claws and his puppet strings.
If all else should fail and I cannot be gone from this shell,
Then let Hell reign eternal upon this land that we dwell.

Then maybe they could feel how I feel;
Let them feel the agony of a dying heart,
That lives inside without a cure; let everyone depart
And leave this planet a wreck of a rock,
With nothing left to feed upon.

If all else should fail and I am not allowed to depart,
Then let the demons descend upon the ground before us
And burn the buildings down to give death to art.

If all else should fail and the pain cannot be removed;
Then let the pillars turn to ash and no broken heart ever soothed.
No person left with a heart to use;
No sanity left to claim to rule.

If all else should fail...

(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Matthew Harlovic Nov 2014
You only fail if you fail to try
Keep trying.

© Matthew Harlovic

— The End —