Confused about my confusion.
Is life so real or just an illusion.
This pain that I feel.
Can it be my imagination?
Each layer of my heart that will peel.
Like a snake it will just slither away.
Life is so short but I want an end to my days.
Im breathing, but will you please take my breath?
So I'm no longer capable of dialating my chest.
Gasp gasp ...there's s nothing left.
My lungs have lost its air.
My heart has lost its blood.
I can not stomach this.
I cant not take this.
Been here so many times lets face it.
My thoughts have now become complacent.
Running tears from my eyes.
Trying to escape my inevitable demise.
You tried to save my life.
Threw a life jacket as I drowned.
Im so sorry but I've fallen down.
Down into the darkness.
Down into emptiness.
Down into eternity.
Just hope you remember me, the best of me.
I want you to know, I love you.
But there was no saving me.

Yeah she was there first.
I was nothing but a tool.
A tool to help you get over her.
Guess you never got over her.
You really loved her huh?
Love her enough to call me your best friend.
Get me to trust you enough to tell you everything about me.
Then turn around and stab me.
You ******* ripped my heart out.
Thanks man! Means a lot.
Always love it when the person you cared about kills you inside.
Not the fist time this has happened.
First was my dad.
**** the list is too long.
all these people have like killed me.
You hurt the most though.
I hadn't cut in months.
Now my leg has an x on it.
And ex for ex for friendship that didn't work out.
I remember the plans we made.
How you told me you wanted to be with me.
Then everything changed so fast.
You said you never wanted us to get close.
And then I meant nothing.
I was just a ghost who came into your life.
Then was shoved out again.
Tossed out like garbage.
That's what I am.
A ghost.
I'm dead now.
At last.
But only on the inside.
I don't know who I can trust.
Way to **** up my trust with everyone.
By hurting someone with trust issues you pretty much hurt everyone around me.
Now imma be hesitant to tell anyone anything.
I'm going back to living in the shadows.
Back to drawing on myself with a blade.
Na I won't go that low.
Even though I did last night.
I love you.
But I still can't.
I'm weak.
Not strong anymore.
You were everything to me.
I obviously made a horrible mistake.
I spent countless nights wondering if you were okay.
You probably didn't care.
You told me that I'm alive because love keeps humans alive.  
I asked how.
You said because I love you.
You obviously didn't.
I'm sorry for ******* this up.
So sorry.
I'm sorry for loving you.
Sorry for caring.
Sorry for hurting.
Sorry for letting the pain control me.
Just sorry.
But no I don't regret meeting you.
I don't regret a single word said.
I don't regret kissing you.
I don't regret sneaking out of class to be with you for a minute.
I don't regret anything.
I regret loosing you.
I regret not being whatever you were looking for.
My friends say I should hate you.
I can't hate you.
You can't hate someone you loved.
And I loved you.
I remember you told me not to love you.
That i was making a mistake.
And that your a better friend than a girlfriend.
I'm sorry.
Sorry that you thought that.
Sorry that your back in what you called a toxic relationship.
Sorry that I'm sitting here reliving the past.
Listening to your favorite music.
**** that.
I love you.
Love is evil spell it backward and I'll show you.

They climb up each wall, curved like the sun's breast,

At sunrise.

Then crawl, listless, to the rough ledge

To commit suicide.

They plummet.

Taking my aspirations as they dive.

Two teardrops with crushed hearts,

And, now, crushed heads.

Sunset.

Listen, because I think this is something
you need to hear. You are not a failure.
You have not failed yourself by being upset.
You have not failed the world by being yourself.
You failed to be happy, but that does not
make you a failure. You are yourself, you
look like yourself, you feel like yourself, and
there is nothing more beautiful than who
you are. Do not look to others for the
beauty you feel you do not possess, because
if you look within, you will see beauty
like you never thought could exist. If you
live life as yourself, you will become more
beautiful than you could imagine. Look
at yourself like I look at you, and you
will become more beautiful than you could
imagine. You are more beautiful than
any imagination thought you could be.
Imagine that.

Just take me -
                              take me home.
I guess I thought you might.
                              Despite everything,
I still hoped that you would save me,

                              yet you didn't.

Have you ever tried so hard to just give up?

You cut yourself
you feel the pain
stuck in this cycle
and feel no shame

failing school
your life's a mess
and will soon
be just emptiness

smoking too much
and getting high everyday
I can't stop you
but I know what to say

you don't get help
you need too
if not for anyone
do it for you

I failed.
I failed
I failed
I could have stopped it
everything
But
you guessed it
I failed.
I failed at keeping myself okay,
I was worried on keeping everyone else happy.
I failed at knowing how to love.
I failed at remembering how to be happy.
After what feels like a lifetime being shrouded in darkness,
I have failed to bring lightness to the world.
I bring darkness,
like a storm brings destruction.
I failed to gather the joy
I left it to die.
I failed
But,
its okay.

i think i have it figured out,
only to fail miserably.
but i still make progress,
failing less miserably each time.
a trial and error effort of sorts.
oh, each time,
i think i have it figured out,
that it's my time to succeed.
each time i fall short,
but each time i fall a little longer.
at some point,
i hope,
i will make it across the line,
and finally succeed.