Emotions are rather complicated, I suppose
What is this irksome tickle in my heart?
It is not sadness, nor is it anger, or even grief
Not quite guilt or confliction
Perhaps a sort of blend of the two
It feels rather uncomfortable, like an itching inside
That is barely out of reach
Like a blur in the corner of my vision
But no matter how much I turn my head, I still can't see it clearly
This feeling seems to twist my stomach
And press on my heart
And pound in my mind
A constant pressure that can't be placed
I wonder if this puzzling emotion
Is something similar to emptiness
A hollowness that is unfamiliar
Sinking in a sea of scattered thoughts
Far too deep to retrieve now
And now
All I am left with
Is a perplexing feeling swirling everywhere inside me
A sort of apathy
That can't be named

Pluck one from the skyline, high above my head
seems like all the sunflowers,
back from summer's heated dread.
I thumb those million petals, counting off and down the way
hoping to hear a "loves me not"
when all that yellow falls away.
He smiles on me with pleasantness, subtle blush along his jaw
and still, I cannot forget her name,
her name the crows all call.

My words, it’s flames are not strong enough to withstand these cyclones….

it gets messy ..the dirt and the screams..it just won’t stop.

banging my head from inside , a hammer strong enough to break open my skull

leaving the paper blank for tomorrow and tomorrows and days after that….

just like your canvas , unstained , ” a ****** in white”

the blanks on its face deep , so deep that it could engulf us both..

lure us into the white.

Dissolve all the black that is left of us……

And we would float on top of serenity

only then we will know what it’s like to be devoid of madness, devoid of colours , devoid of words..

waves of our mind will disappear as our memory dissolves

Then these people will say with aching hearts- You and I ,were insane……….

I turn the last page,
The next is blank.

Blank blank blank blank blank
Blank blank blank blank blank
Blank blank blank blank blank
Blank blank blank blank blank

B L A N K

                                   Blank

So white it's screaming
So empty I’m left reeling

The lack of words
A void so loud
I squint my eyes unseeing.

I don’t think I’m ready yet
I dont think I'll ever be,
It hurts too much to be alone
Is this the price of being free?

sometimes i just feel so insignificant i can’t help but to bask in emptiness that’s dear to me. the loneliness which fills me whole: my friend.
sometimes i just feel so insignificant i can’t  help but to spiral into the deepest depth of hell, familiar and home.
all it takes are those sometimes before i too choose to go to the different end of my path; high and when i jump, consumed.