you can be pretty and you can be smart
but that won't make them like you
that won't make the monsters go away
it won't make you happy
all of the beauty and the knowledge,
what you need to be
is dumb
because if you're dumb
it'll make you happy
and if you're dumb enough
they will like you
and you won't ever recognize the monsters
God-willing

I guess I'm just young,
I guess they say
I'm just dumb.
I guess I'm just young,
but guess what -
I'm not drunk.
I guess I'm confused,
I guess I did give a ****.
I guess I loved you,
but I guess I ran out of luck.

I made some choices
that I live to regret.
I hear deep voices
in the back of my head.
They call me and tell me
that I should be grateful;
for it is pain and entropy
that make the soul unbreakable.

I'm just oh-so-young,
but I feel oh-so-old.
I'm oh-so dumb,
but too clever to be told.
I'm so **** sober,
but confusion makes me drunk.
I have too much pride
to realize that on my own
I'll never be enough.

Where have my idols gone?
Are they just idling on the sideline?
Where has my laughter gone?
I even cry now on the outside.
Why do I make mistakes,
even more so when
I try to fix them?
Where is my self-belief?
I'm oh-so-strong,
yet oh-so-weak.

Bathe me in blood
and cut my tumors loose.
Free my mind from
thought, so all my dreams
can come true.
Restore my faith in love
and all I'll believe in is you.

I guess I'm just young,
I guess it's alright
that I'm dumb.
I guess I'm just young,
let's go ahead and get drunk.
Let's lose ourselves like the
rest of our generation.
We'll die sweetly
and slowly together;
all good things in life
come with patience.

i remember when i'd get lost thinking about you. when i used to dream about your touch and i'd imagine it as the sun. as the warmth of earl grey. as the embers of a burning fire when it's 22 degrees out.

but when you finally spoke to me, your words were merely vacant expressions to get me to follow you to your bed and when i felt your hand, your skin was so cold that it felt like winter that entire year i spent in your arms. i eventually got frostbite. i'd drown in your eyes only because they matched the color of his-  when our lips touched, i was so wrapped up in your dangerousness that i didn't realize you were ******* the life from my lungs. i remember the first time you said you loved me, and it was so different from the last time i'd heard that.. but i almost believed that you meant it. even a lie would sound beautiful in that voice. but love seems so much more like platitude coming from your mouth than a genuine feeling. love isn't getting drunk in the sunday school parking lot three blocks from my house at midnight. or smoking in your car at 3 a.m. love takes me out in public and doesn't shatter my self esteem.

there were nights i just wanted to feel and was stupid enough to actually think you'd listen. but i'd come home and scream into my pillow wondering why you were too proud to give me a hug and walk me to my door. i refused to look at a clock for months because it was only a reminder that the only time you liked me was when i was on my knees.

you made me less of a flower and more of a ****. always doubting whether i was good enough for you and made me think that "maybe" it was possible. you are a ghost. and i can sometimes still feel you haunting me- pulling me down towards your casket, but i will not let you rip at my seams any longer.

i will not let you rip at my seams any longer.

This isn't a po-em,
It's a confession.
95% of what I write is free-spok-en.
From the mind to the page,
It's hard for some, but to me;
That is strange.
Every rhyme is a chance-for-change.

When the truth hits you in the face
When there's a thing you can no longer embrace,
You hide behind a happy smile ,
Miserable inside  ,
Every little comment,
Makes you want to commit suicide
After a double homocide...
At least , these are only my thoughts ,
And thoughts often cause actions

Feel like ****,
Worse than that,
**** doesn't trip on its *****
And hurt someone it loves.
Stay up late,
Maybe all night,
Wishing on things
Shouldn't have said.
So dumb,
So very dumb.
Perhaps apologies
Will never be enough,
Perhaps, just perhaps,
They will be.
Stumbling blind through the dark,
Entering a land of infrared and
Ultraviolet lights,
Ones I cannot see yet
I manage to find
The roughest, toughest, darkest spots
And run full-force into them.
I must sleep,
Yet know not if I can.
I have less than 4 hours to rest,
Yet cannot away to that dreaming world
For knowledge of what I have now wrought
In this.

Consumed by a life
    She couldn't handle anymore
          Ashamed by desires
       Too desperate to score
               It's just too addicting
   She wants nothing more
Watching everything she loves
            Walk out the door
    Finds money where she can
         But still living life poor
          Too smart to get too involved
     And too dumb to ignore it
             She don't even care
      They all call her a *****
Now thinking, as she sees the knife
           This isn't what she prepared for
    But with a little thought, she knows  
It's what she's always had in store
              As she lays, bleeding out
     On her ****** kitchen floor