8 billion people in the world—
and here i am drowning in an infinity pool of self-pity.
i tell myself one day i will stop.
swim back towards the edge, gasping for breath, a new life to transform into.
and here i am drowning in an infinity pool of self pity.

I live for the days and dread the nights
It’s something about the quiet that brings out the light
My body is falling asleep, but not my mind
Do people know what that feels like?
People critique me as being an over thinker
Friends finding my habit annoying and concerning
They don’t get that it’s hard for me to control
My thoughts take over the entirety of my mind
They don’t get that my thoughts keep me lying awake at night
I pray to avoid temptation creeping into my way
But sometimes muffling the noise sounds like a luxury getaway
I’m not ready to face what lies underneath
But every night it’s getting much harder to breathe
My family doesn’t really believe in therapy
I don’t know what to do
I’m drowning, can someone please help me?

Night can be fallen in my dream,
but I could not swim in the dark.
The moonlight is so high,
and I try to get it.
Before death follows me,
you must hold me tight
and I am not drowning again.

The one job I loved
You took away from me
I shouldn't give you that power
But you've got me on my knee
Now every day is monotony
The light so far away
The amount the pain weighs
Trying to breath everyday
But water filling my lungs as I say
"This can't be the way"
I can't see a resolution
Sitting through electrocution
Of your words and your apology
I can see through the psychology
Lack of personal responsibility
You're pure juvenility
"I want to be friends"
But seeing your mistake gives you the bends
You can't have it both ways
That's the phrase that pays

Drowning in this judgemental sea
Why can't I be just who I want to be?
Their judging fingers pointing at me
I desire to be free
Why can't I be me?

There exists a room,
Without windows,
Only walls;
It doesn’t matter how many
But it’s dark,
And feet are chained to the floor.

This room exists in everyone,
But some choose to stay closed off—
Choose to stay forgotten.

The bottle swells with pressure,
For as long as one
Could possibly contain it,
But pressure, no matter of what origin
Always leads
To an explosion,
And so explode one will,
In a cataclysm of tears,
And aching.

Each time the pressure
Lets itself break the cap,
The level rises,
And the loss
Starts at the first moment
Because the cap
Gets looser
With every time it breaks,

Until the rain from the eyes
Is covered
By the water rising,
And your vision might have
Gotten used to the dark,
But the effervescence
Of your exhales
Has blinded you,
As I’m sure you didn’t notice
How far the level had risen,

And those eyes
Never let be seen
By another pair,
Or by the sunset
Surely overtaken
By the despair that
You wouldn’t let them be seen,
But the pulmonary edema
You face has been made
By your own brokenness

Why, I must ask, did you lock yourself away?

the smoke in my lungs,
tears in my eyes,
he is the break in my heart
I am suffocating;

Time.

he squeezes,
he grips,
demands, limits,
leaves no survivors;

Time.