Men at bars cuddle their Mothers,
though the membrane of the woods smothered,
Soul drowning to find ache, curt
and half cut, been there - hurts
lost soul, he stares into nothing.

Who is he? Choking
silent clock descends, lowers
his spirit, that noir beast dreams,
he begins to lurch,
compelled move on, yet frozen
ice to the pool, cement in steel.

The local storm warning finds me on the porch,
Out the back, observing the strength of wind,
The swag of trees.
The eye of the storm is passing overhead,
And the lightening blinks wistfully,
As a gesture to take cover
Before the rain and hail fire down,
All over town, windows open,
Curtains drawn, lights on early.
I persevere, but my dry season is coming to an end.
I remembered the storms in Kilarney,
Looking out from *Butler's Snug.

Why can't my liver filter thoughts like it does with alcohol?

It would save me the trouble of all the money I've spent to free myself of bad decisions,

There is so much formality within a sober moment, while my drunkenness speaks freely,

My brain doesn't erase moments like alcohol does, yet my liver puts up a fight reminding me to think,

Fantasizing over an image created by theses slurred and blurred overzealous eyes,

I am attracted to bars like teachers are to mls style, and to this day I'm still not sure which one has been more beneficial.

Looking down the road of allowing glass, I measured my state of mind to pick my poison,

Tequila adds a flower to a withering soul, ***** snuffs out the light where it gets to bold, whiskey fakes the fight with its bros, while gin loosens the bones and wine your emotions, at last we have beer a truth serum more powerful than love,

What they all take is feeling, a small price to learning what we see in the refection is really something we refuse to collude with.

My liver is always amazed, the amount of control I give to it, whilst the hand with a drink in it stays steady,

The other acquires shame, controlled by a freedom of released inhibitions,

If I could escape the safety of the dinner lights for the missing love that I thought drive me here,

My liver is alone, in the battle, like one soldier who's realized that their command center threw them into a death trap and their enemies are mindless zombies of fallen memories,

My toast is not alone, followed by smiles and condolences, significant enough to convince everyone, maybe one more.

I never knew what it felt like to have my Mama up close,
Never knew what it felt like to be enveloped in a blanket wrapped in the scent of rose.
It was never what I chose,
To wear potato sacks instead of clothes.
To be raised in the streets,
Eating scraps instead of meats.
Sell my truths for their lies,
Turn my eyes into midnight spies.
Sell my dignity for impunity,
Only for a false hope of opportunity.
Hanging shoes from electric wires,
Hoping to not be spotted by the church choir.
I never chose this path,
It was the outcome of the opposite of my dad's wrath.
I lost him.
His lips sealed to the beer bottles rim,
The liquor is his blood spilling to the brim.
Just like for me are the drugs,
My deal with these truant thugs.
I never chose this death,
The toxic fumes my soul expels with every breath.
This is not living,
Reeking with the scent of misgiving.
No one trusts me,
I can't ever remember feeling glee.
I miss you dad,
Your sadness before the world is now unclad.
My hands wield pocket  Knives instead of pens,
Protecting myself in the alleyways every bend.
I knew better than to wish upon a star that was just a satellite,
I knew that someday my heart would explode with overwhelming feelings like dynamite.
Looking into his eyes was like facing an endless void that would swallow you if you got too near,
Not longer can I stand this manipulative atmosphere.
Since mama left,
Papa feels this burdening heft.
As I lie under the midnight sky,
I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to fly.
I smile for the first time,
Regretting all my crimes.
And cry…
“Mama I'm coming home…”
I hope to quit this endless roam… “until the day I live”.

Maybe two years ago I would feel the need to tell you,
"I love you."
Maybe a year ago I would have felt like you were the breath in my lungs when all of the air was knocked out of me.
Maybe a couple of months ago I realized you weren't good for me.
Maybe a couple of weeks ago when the *** burned in my stomach,
My head over a toilet,
Trying to drink away the thought of you,
I would've called to say,
"I hate you."
It was the alcohol that made me realize that it's unhealthy for me and
So
            Are
                          You.
It's burn made me dizzy after my sixth cup of chugging,
Of forgetting,
Of consuming.
I know I'm over you,
But the nightmares won't stop.

I am alive
Today, and in this very moment,
I’m breathing the same pattern I once did,
Before I met you.
Yet I am different
In this very same moment I feel lost
I can see the world, but,
I stand still in the corner.
I am lonely
So I reach for you as a friend,
I ask you to wake me up, inhale you,
And instead you lay me down
You are alive now
You are wide awake
You are brave, and bold, and intimidating
I once was brave, and bold,
And kind
You and I
We are similar, yet
Cannot exist together

With one eye open,
I see the world again,
Except this time
I am not lonely,
I am just alone
Without you
And I’m alive

Dirt under my nails
From trying to bail
out on reality
The night before.
Shakes, spins, sweats,
and I can't wrap my head
around the kind of self sabotage this is. If it's not helping me, it's hurting me.
If you're ignoring me,
don't think I won't leave
because I will.
My footsteps are heavy
and slow;
steady
I know.
but I have come a long way
plenty of suns before.
there is no way to go
that is too far.
no companion
that tries too hard
And nothing that grounds me more,
Than love.

i don't want to feel anything ever again

-d.k.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Tires, fast, pebbles flying into the night air, unaware of what's to come.
To fetch a pail of Water
Clear liquid, sizzling, burning as it rushes down the throat as if it were going out of style, hot as the poker that burns his insides and sears his thoughts.
Thoughts that buzzed around his brain and stuck like knives in flesh.
One Sip, Two Sip, Red Blood, Blue Veins. Just Pull the trigger.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
Sirens, one am,
MY SON MY SON MY SON MY SON JACK
And Jill came tumbling after.

Up Jack got, and home did trot
Blurry faces, a crowd, the cries, the silent sobs, the mourning, the miss you's, the goodbyes.
As fast as he could caper
Classmates. Too young. A loss. A tragedy. The boss up above was not enough to dissuade this young boy. Crossed the boarder, shooting range, gun in back, bottle in hand.
To old Dame Dob, who patched his ***
Wood. Dark wood, Red wood, Light wood, nails, *****, pound the hammer in BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM. Fates sealed, game over.
With vinegar and brown paper
Paper. A picture in the year book. A face, a name, another dead body. Crossed the boarder, shooting range, gun in back, bottle in hand. One Sip, Two Sip, Red Blood, Blue Veins, Stabbing thoughts, falling, break his crown, go up the hill, sit under the tree. smash the bottle.
Just pull the trigger. Bang.

Put another record on
While I pour another glass
And fill that clouded
Empty expanse
With a nice amber
Hue and we can talk
About god and music
Until the sun comes up
But no song or god
Will match the tangerine sun's
Corona as we fall asleep in the
Night's dew
Put more metal on
Put more Bowie on
Put more classical on
Put more punk
More hip hop
More Wu Tang
More Big L
More pop
More hair metal
More classic rock

More who gives a ****

My teeth are numb against my lips
And everything sounds good
A proposition
A song
A liquid taking up empty space

Just keep me here
Next to you
The rest of the world looking
Up or down

It didn't matter then
And it doesn't matter now

Shhhhh
Let the carpet slip from under my feet
Let the wall pat my back like an appreciative friend
Let the stairs seem long and winding
Shhhhh
Let it all be caught up in the back of your throat
Sore and raw
Keep it away from those you can
And those you can't

Wake up with the regret of the morning
Spilled across your face in
Buttery swaths
Drink deep the pain of happiness
Tasting ethanol on your breath
Like a can of unmixed paint