If you and I
are two pieces
of a same heart,
how am I supposed to hate you?

she's like sleeping beauty
and by that I mean
she's beautiful
and she'd rather be sleeping right now

Falls asleep instantly
eyes closed tight in between lines in our argument

let me give you a better example
and we shift the scene to a bedroom plagued by doubt
but despite that the sheets are soft comfort, liquid warm radiance
To the end of a conversation at the beginning of a night

Me: Did you know that?
Her: Yup.
Me: Well did you know you're beautiful?
Her: LOUD SNORING NOISES

But where am I going with this?

I don't know

I'm going to better days
to reminders
kissprint frozen on the window of my car

To the cutest little kick I have ever seen as an excited girl enters buffalo wild wings after working 12 hours

excited because I'm there

That's where I'm going.
Back in time to "she likes my hands despite the warts"

I don't know

back to my hands
let them be a hammock
so I can hold her
rocking
because she'd rather be sleeping

Because sleep escapes the day
escapes the people
and the way
I say
the thoughts that echo in her mind
she's horrible
guilty
fire
tired
knife wounds
twisting
resisting
the urge to ram my self righteousness down her throat

I gave her my coat
and she asked if I smoked
(because that's a deal breaker)
I told her no

and the next time she slipped her hand in my arm
and the next time she slipped her thoughts in my mind
slipped her hands through my hair
her tongue in my mouth
her lightning in my eyes

surprise
I don't know
I don't know
My hands are distilled comfort
drink them up
this might be a beer you actually like

I don't know

I don't know

If we work
If we can

go back to strained conversations in which I am dying and she is existing in the same place with another person because that's what she's all about

A kiss
Another
kisses close our mouths to the arguments

and a single text
drips back into my thoughts

"Please don't leave me."

And I wonder if I am speaking to her
or the depression
if she lets it be her face for a while
while her mind rests in the background of her life

Because she'd rather be sleeping.

beautiful eyes, beautiful smile
beautiful heart, beautiful mind
beautiful name, beautiful self

those things i need them the most
those things i need to own them
for myself
and only for me

i’ve never said i love you
i’ve always been saying that i hate you
all because i don’t understand
my heart, my feelings

i pray to god every night
banging on his door
begging him on my knees
“i want to be his friend”

i’ve never heard from him
yet you come to build me up
and then tear me up
just as fast as escape velocity

i kept calm
because i somehow know
that we’ll be fine
i’ll be fine

but then i heard from him
he said with his punch against my stomach
his tight grip around my neck, choking the air out of me

“no, young lady.
you shall suffer more.
i will give you someone
someone you’ve never expected
to step on your bleeding injury.”

GIFT OF GOD,
do you know what i’ve been through?
do you know how it feels to be left behind without knowing the why?
do you know how it feels to see you pretending not to know me?
do you know how it feels to know that someone else has fallen for you?

do you know why on earth i keep on holding you?
embracing every memories that i have about us?
because life back then was simple
until you said your last goodbye.

I am just a drama queen
Another over dramatic teen
I sit and cry
When I could fly
But I choose to frown
And feel so down
Being so irrational
And acting all emotional
Pretending I am the center of everything
But I am truly nothing

do you know why there is this thing called pain?

because you keep on reaching out for something that you can’t reach

because you keep on thinking if maybe he did this because of that so you will always thing there still is probability

because you keep on letting the memory that you hold on to so tightly alone in your heart and mind playing all of those beautiful memories that ever happened

then, who creates pain?

you did.

My hearts a ***** for you.
It would crack open my knuckles in pain,
Even to count everything again,
Simple I know but its true -
Because I just can't say no to you.

My skins a martyr written in flesh,
I wonder...
Which way can it fold and which way can it stretch?
But I wont cry for you.
It brakes and stutters over words of din,
Paralyzed and looking for some other kin.
For better words to say -- for when the door shuts.

I would name you a monster,
or call on a god.
For little can be left behind when it's written in song,
Midnight kisses sunken in a melody,
Please don’t make me wait too long.
Changing my screams for a new painted faces,
Sickening fake smiles,
They chase me
Into the dark growths of night.
This stage of chaos.
This fool and jester.
At least we had a nice time,
While I performed away my soul.

Toughen up
Grow up
You are such a drama queen
Life ain’t easy
Nobody said it was
Stop being dramatic
You make a big deal out of everything
You are too soft
You are going to get eaten up
So you need to toughen up