toward western hills
the last vestiges of light
sink as day draws down

Who said love would be easy?
Who said life would be a smooth ride?
Who said you'd never have to worry?
Who said it would never be painful inside?
Look at that wretched state of you
The flaws you don't seem to accept
The pain you've kept hidden under the blankets
The mistakes you never seem to forget
You think it'll be better when the sun rises tomorrow?
You think you'll eventually laugh it all off someday?
You think you'll never have to get out of your self-made misery?
You think, "maybe not today"?
We're all just trying to get by
And there you go, torturing yourself with cruelty
You wouldn't even want to impose upon your worst enemy

And yet

You blind yourself with blatant stupidity
Of all "I don't deserve"s and "I'll never be happy"s
Of saying "life has no meaning" without realizing
You could've just made meaning all along
All of that have kept you from seeing
How loved you were
How absolutely treasured you are
By those who stayed
And those you could make meaning with,
If you just wanted to

Still

You count the ones who left
The ones who caused you so much pain
The voices that haunt the deep recesses of your brain
Like they're the ones that matter the most

Aren't you a ******* laughable creature? You.

Someone who has so much love wasted inside her,
Thrown into a compost pit of potential joy she never realized
Because she was too caught up in writing the saddest story humanity has ever written.

Boo-hoo. The end. Sad ever after.

Welcome to life, honey
It's never going to be easy
It's never going to be a smooth ride
And it's one you only have a chance of taking once
So at the very least,
pick yourself once more,
and cherish the journey.

deaf eyes, blind ears, pens down!

two of my English Teachers,
from high school and college
from way way back when,
i requested, critiqued my poems,
cause they could, ex-teachers...

They said:
Your emails are too short,
your poems are too long,
we recommend that your
quit this, do what we say:

pens down!

Your poems are travelogues
to places in your mind, we’ve
got no interest in visiting, Egypt
and Exile, cemeteries in a privy,
time to get a new travel agency.

Your imagery, ars obscura to us,
everyone but you, despite too many
copious notes, which proves our point,
you need smile more and write less.

Just because you’ve got creases,
lines all across your face, doesn’t
mean any wisdom came with them,
nor did you listen in our classes,
we suggest, resolutely, give it a rest.

The tears keep rolling
down as mind
sabotages my joy.
I drown into the
pools of inky fear
to save what is
left of my mind.

You chase the blessing without the lifestyle,
You want the power without the prayer cycle,
You talk about God when you need saving,
Then ignore his ways, when your ways need paving.
A true believer knows we don't have to wait,
Because the son came down and opened heaven's gate,
God called us to reign as kings,
Whoever is free in Me is free indeed.
The enemy came to destroy, steal, and ****,
The Son overcame Him, so we may have joy in His will.
With authority comes responsibility,
With the cross comes bearing.
Love requires truth,
And truth requires changing ,
So stop trying to amend God because your life needs rearranging.

1:21 am
thinking of who I am right now
tired of these day dreams
always caught up being alone
even at home.
everyone has these same seconds
I experience this too often
a maze of mirrors I get lost in
sitting still.
head so heavy.
maybe I need a pep talk or a pill
1:35 am
made no progress
it's hard controlling my head
life's importance grows less and less