"There are times when I wonder if you will just get up and walk away from all this.. From us."

It’s the way you say you’re not perfect
As if so many people have told you that before
As I deny your statement, you emphatically defend it,
With examples one hundred.

It’s the way we have tons of inside jokes,
Including them in our normal conversations are easy as pie,
If we have friends with us, I have to explain
With stories one hundred.

It’s the way you want me to meet your friends,
As if it’s not even an issue,
Maybe it isn’t in your head, but my head is spinning
With assumptions one hundred.

It’s the way I’m so lost about you,
Not sure how to define you in my head,
Maybe I should let these thoughts to rest, however
With doubts one hundred.

Truth bids, "Fall."
And my shoulders balk

Failure sets my heart
Aware of the blue parts

Carry me home
Buried in hope

Open my eyes
And heal me tonight

I am burdened
With my own hurting

My legs are numb
My lungs succumb

Open my mouth
No voice pours out

I am wasting
Again and again away

Lonely in this house
Of friends, of doubts

I stare at the sea
calm quiet gray
warn its apparent calm
its whisper
invades my mind
I perceive its smell
intoxicant

I feel the sea
I know the black
of its abyss
the fury of its wrath
the cry of its anger
I see the myriad colors of its soul
it slips inside me

I listen to the sea
it confides its mute secrets
to those who can feel it
ubiquitously divided
between the shadow and the light
empathetically
connected with the depth
and the surface

I envy the sea
strong decided transparent
selfishly
stretched himself
to its pleasure
Pied Piper
tormentor and muse
greedy and shameless

I stare at the sea
personification of life
illusive chimera
of fullness
unattainable
..... unattainable!

Uninvited though I may be
The butterflies were not to be led astray
Dancing upon low-cut flowers
They knew to avoid my footsteps
Their work was of far greater importance
My presence was of no consequence

My heart sheathed no sword
The sun baptized my bare skin
As I continued forward in silence
Solitude granted me clear conscience
For in nature vanity is not the soul of flowers
And wealth is not the seed for its life

It is in my word that I find what is left of me
Though temptation remains like a rusty nail
Holding fast with memories of the initial blow
Foolish and incomplete thoughts mark each step
But a man alone without a judge can see
As stones never to be thrown guide his way

There was a girl stuck in the mire and the muck
No one thought of her very much

They used
They abused
They did all they could do
To keep her down in that stew

Yet she forgave
She wouldn't cave
She still put good out
In the mists of her doubt

But she was still shunned
When she become undone
She would leave scars
Her body was marred

But still she pushed on
Hoping she was wrong
That love would shine
But love always left behind
More anger, and wounds
She was leaving soon

And one very lonely day
She decided she couldn't stay
She left her world of gray
She dusted off her wings, and just flew away

Wait... Don't leave, please; come back to me
I've been getting into drugs and other things
I am fearful for my own well being...
But these actions I am taking hold of
Keep my mind off from what's truly going on,
I'm not sure that I'll ever really stop...

I breathe it in from the end
Of this balloon that I'm holding
and blow it back in
I keep inhaling,
I'm finally doing it.
I'm getting out.
No more worries;
No more doubts
Because now my lungs are helium doused .