Depression depression why don't you get off of me
I'm already the worst me
Oh! How have I not felt happiness in so long like forever
I try my level best but one thing or another n we are back together.

Is it the bullying,****** assault,my orientation or the mental sickness
That I feel completely  helpless n emotionless
Feel like a liability I'm too much for everybody
Used n manipulated like a toy, not cared for or loved by anybody

21 years n counting of all the suffering n despairness
Will I ever have  peace of mind and happiness?
Please take me home to a place where I belong
I can't take this any long !

Everyday I feel like I don't even know me
Nothing affects me no more I'm so done
Trying to hold back but I have nothing to hold on
While all these demons in my head keep laughing on
I feel like I'll be ****** up forever n on n on!

Normal has no home with me.

Rage is a wonderful mess.

Shake my hand...

Bend around my mind.

Bend all you can.

Sick is what I am.

Contagious is what I'm not, but you will flee all the same.

Satisfaction to my day.

Stay away so I don't have to try to explain.

Stay away...

PTSD, and a sprinkle of Rage...

Bipolar me will tarnish your day.

You will never understand my fears.

You will never understand the me that isn't me...

The desolate creation of Molestation, Physical Abuse, Verbal abuse, and ****!

Paint me Not a Victim for you are mine!

I'm ice cold and brilliant in my revenge.

I am easy on the eyes...

I'm a wonderful disguise!

I'll fight with my word's, even though I can't sleep.

You can be the victim of you!

Karma and God will find you!

But first you will see me.

My other me...

Such things that I think...

What you have done to me is nothing compared to my friend Beelzebub!

My mind's damaged Razor Sharp.

The Blood my mind spills is Beautiful, and warm like Family.

I'm the creature that feeds off the stench of your decomposing corps.

In my mind all that's gory is miraculous art.

You are Glorious in your Death!

And it is ART!

Fantasic ART!

Unique in your final pose...

Unique is your Blood on my paint brush.

Victims, Vast!

My gallery is full.

Such Monster's you all are!

But as I write, and create...

I'm the monster Today.

For Survivor's of hate!

I'll create!

No victims of innocence will bleed today.

It's a new day!

I have spray paint filled with the blood of the ******* who stole comfort from your night.

Cry not tonight!

Your composing the nightmares this night!

Set your hurt free...

Let them Bleed.

It's time for art's & craft's.

Carry them to me!

The time when the sky is greyed to hues of poignant blue
And the mist haunts the the ground
The cool breeze slitthers around your ears with secrets and stories to tell
When warmth is just a distant memory
And the sun seems to have escaped the endless loop of its cycle
Yet it's not night nor is it day
It's not dawn nor dusk
It's when you unravelled in the chaos of the dead leaves
And payed your debts with blankets of ice
But your grudges held their place in your sleepless nights
And your restlessness laughed in the face of forgiveness
Your stubbornness smirked at the idea of redemption
Yet you still wondered why peace escaped you.

I never remember
my dreams
but three nights ago
I dreamt a
disturbing
dream
about a car accident.
In my dream
I watched a
bride and her groom
get plowed
over by a
runaway truck.
(I think it's odd
that I want a truck
so bad.
Don't you think
that's odd?)
The mother wailed
blood was on the asphalt
the sirens screamed in my ear
but they didn't arrive
in time.
I just watched
the gore.
Just stared while
their hearts
stopped beating
and air
stopped flowing
through the places
it should flow.

Then I woke up and
have been disturbed
by my dream
ever since.

I dreamt that dream
three night ago.

I'm an ounce of honesty waiting in the night
Council houses, broken bricks
Muddy boots and tight ribbons
So tight, so far out here,

I'm a kind of filth that reads
And looks you dead in the eye
Beatings, belts, rooms with no air
My, my my creation, perfect
Muddy rooms in broken council houses

I'm a rocking chair
Seizing up
Tying you in blue ribbon
Seeing if you know what's coming,
Broken
Beaten
Council houses

Will a Phoenix doused in water reignite?
Should the Sun ever disturb the night?
As my eyes take their rest my mind takes flight
Then quickly plummets straight into blight
Straight into sorrow; reigniting my rage
And keeps me awake as if it were day
Awake to write my story/Awake to dwell on the last page
How dare I wallow over someone engaged?
Great Leviathan, Demon God of water and life
Lend me your strength as I overcome this strife
Baptize me in your waters and revitalize my sight
Clear away all the salt and callus to turn my scleras white
Drown the anger in my heart; cease its return!
**** the Phoenix, for its presence burns!
Drown the Sun so that the moon may take its turn
Allow my brain to rest so that I may have the capacity learn
How to fully move on…

Disturbed by the fact that future is uncertain,
as of now,
peace of mind is the only thing,
which is need of hour.

Desired since long,
desired often,
peace is now,
also is need of hour.

Everything in life comes at a price and hence never take anything for granted even if it seems to be a part of your life because you reap what you sow.
Hence always it's better to have a firm cause behind each and every effort that is made in life while in present.

Definitely if not now,
then later on sometime.
If not in present,
then in future,
definitely success will be a part of your life,
which will make you feel and understand the fact that outside world is a lot different from what was thought of it since prior.

Even if you have decided to remain yourself while in present,
always remember,
keep in mind and follow the same,
never take anything for granted ever again in life.