Shout at me and I'll cry,
But soon this pain will die
Call me a disappointment and I wouldn't mind,
Add another regret to my life; I'll be thankful to you for being so kind
Spill out all your anger as I'm here,
These harsh words and this sharp tone, I can bear
Let me suffer from this disgrace alone
And let me question myself why I was even born?
As I sit in the dark to meet these thoughts
We share the misery that we both have brought

he made her chest fill with air.
tight, constricting air that made her feel like she was suffocating.
tight, heavy, constricting air that suffocated her with sadness.
heavy, suffocating, uncomfortable sadness
that makes her feel spinny and her mind loose.
a slackened heart,
a tensed intestine
a clenched grin
while people drone on about nothing
she is a cavern.
she spirals into a thread of insecurity.
she lunges for shiny objects.
she is made of broken bones and glass.
she is everyone that has been pushed aside.
and she kept her promise not to cry.

Funny when your own head is a double edged blade, huh?

I seem to find the imperfection of days to be the most beautiful. The goofy moments, the little mistakes, the figuring things out, the unexpected.

But those same moments sometimes lead me to the nights where I lay down with a little chip on my heart and concede, "Not all days will be beautiful."

I'm happier. I'm stabler. I must concede things are better.

So why can I not concede that I will never be perfect?

These days I end like this sometimes hurt much more than the ones I give up on. These are the days I did all I could and just accept defeat at the end of the day, knowing every day isn't perfect.

Why am I such a starving perfectionist that even stability cannot sate me?

I hate myself when I do this. When I keep on pushing and pushing my own mental ability until I crack. If I push harder the stability of my mental wall will not strengthen. It will only crumble all the faster.

I am never satisfied. I am selfish. I am wrong. There's this darker side to this pure, bubbly girl I show the world. The monster side. The side that I can never be pleased with, and the side that makes sure I can never be pleased with anything else.

I know this is one imperfect day with one imperfect night. But its hard not to be scared that this is a descent into darkness once more. I'm so scared of the dark by now. Please don't make me go back for too long.

This day has been long and disappointing and imperfect. But I just wish I could hate it a little less.

A f a s h i o n i s t a –
it’s not who I am
or I was, at least.
Am not the girly-girl
fond of hearts and flowers,
nor of a stiletto and
of a dress.

On groceries, (I wore)
an old pair of tees and shorts.
On malls,
a plain shirt and maong jeans.
On every day,
a pair of flat footwear.
Just those. Period.
Just until –

A pair of Chinito eyes,
on my direction, came across.
I was enchanted. Captivated.
And I was driven insane.
I. Want. Those. To. Keep.
Looking. At. Me.

So I began –
A dress, I wore.
Hearts and flowers, I was
covered with.
Stilettos, ah! They hurts!
but I slipped them on,
anyway.

A dress–
That white heavy laced
ballgown, in my dreams
I began to behold.
As I walk down the aisle
gracefully and proudly, towards
that pair of Chinito eyes.

That dress (The Dress)
that I never got to wear,
in my reality.
Because those two Chinito eyes,
to another direction,
**T h e y. S h i f t e d.

Self centered woman
you're so wrong about
so many things I can't
even begin to reach
for half of my dreams
because of your words
that lead me to believe
I've failed you- maybe
I'm not what you were
wanting so badly..
but telling me lies and
staying away from him
will not change the way
that I feel about you-
disappointed.

i want to hate you so bad it hurts.
i want to
         f
           or
               get
     everything about us.
i want to forget
the sound of your voice
and the way your arms
           s
                  n
               a
                     k
                           e d
around my waist.
i want to forget
what it felt like to have your
hands
       tangled
in my hair.
i want to forget
what your cologne smelled like
but instead i sit in your jacket
that you didn't ask for back.
i want our memories
to
f
               a
                               d
                                                 e
a w a y ,
    just like you did.

Never will I try again
For I'm nothing in your eyes.
You gave me nothing but pain
And a pair of teary eyes.

I've always given out my heart,
Thinking you're the perfect one.
Instead you're a work of art
A dream so far, like the Sun.

So no longer will I try
When Love is not to be mine.
For my broken heart has died
Even though I still look fine.

I hope that you would change my mind
And show that Love is not a lie.

Empty house
yet noise
surrounds, me
funny how
the world
betrays me.