I  attempted skinny dipping once. I was on a beautiful beach, with a former lover. I had a concoction of colourful cocktails coursing through me, too many that I couldn’t have completed that sentence, at the time, if I had tried!

I felt good, amazing even! I giggled and skipped, I breathed in the warm air, I glided towards the sea, I could smell the air getting saltier by the second, I could taste the ocean.

As I pulled at them, my clothes left me, They fell away with grace and floated off into the night. I am so feminine so free I thought! I almost felt as if when I reached the shore line my legs would leave me, a beautiful tail would form!

I would be a mermaid, I would dive in and it would be magic, I would splash and laugh, the moonlight would dance on the water, making my hair sparkle! I would glance back at the land and at my love, he would be raw with emotion, sad for my leaving, wonderment for the sensual, ****** siren I had become!!

Instead.

On the way to the water, I kicked a small rock, fell to the floor like a sack of bricks and let out a noise I can only describe as a deep and gutteral mechanical whine.

As I lay there, disheveled and naked on the sand I could hear in the distance, the heavy laughter of my lover.

I gained some bruising, I lost a toenail and my dignity.

I havent attempted skinny dipping since.

Surrounded by the lake, no soaking clothes glued to my skin
Just the ice cold water hugging me tightly.
The sound of the small lake waves lapping against the tiny, brown beach
Aside from my splashing and the occasional birds in the woods
Was the only thing that pierced the quiet of a silent, cloudy day.
The air was cold but the water was colder,
A frigid blanket hiding whatever lurked below.
The joy on my face was undeniable
Despite hidden under the tendrils of the loose strands of my ******* hair.
The New York mountain air combined with the lake scent
Despite the cold July afternoon
Undeniably smelled like summer.
Freshwater smells different than saltwater,
Like sugar cookies baking instead of chocolate chip.
And the taste of those freshwater summer sugar cookies
Are a taste I refuse to forget.

Not so gracefully
We swam nakedly
Underneath the light switch in your childhood bedroom
Just a touch or two
We look up at the blue from the swimming pool at
The stars in the skies
Inside your eyes I dive
So dead not so alive
I'll be for another year or two
I don't know that much about you

Swimming in the cold waters
I feel a shame that bothers
Me. I don't know what you see
But it's something I don't know about me
Painfully I cry
And curse the good things in life and try to find my inner desires
You hold me tight under the stars in the swimming pool
A place in time a peace of mind

So casually we cease to be
A bittersweet memory
Of a time I wanted more than I could be
And now we might have a sight clouded by the darkness of a night
The stars are the only light to guide us through our dreams
When we dream you're going to dream with me
Life is another place separated from our dream reality
And at night the stars shine again.

I want to try it all
A little bit of all

If I find joy I may dive...
If I dive I may drown...
If I drown I may die...
Despite this, I will always try.