You know the way your phone slips from your hand and your heart drops?
The feeling of your heart skipping a beat as it shatters against the floor?
When I lose control, I experience a similar feeling
I lose control of my surroundings, sending my head reeling.
I panic and lash out in fear of the unknown
It’s like sand slipping from your fingertips at the beach
I lose myself in a storm of emotions and as I reach
For the little bits of myself, I can see in the chaos
They remain walking backward, afraid of who I’m becoming
My heart is drumming against my ribcage, ready to burst
And I’m terrified of the pale face I can see in the mirror
My reflection speaks for itself, wild eyes that know no bounds
Ears ringing, full of all the sounds
Of each voice that torments me around the clock
I’m ready for it all to stop but instead
I see myself hurting my loved ones
Becoming this animal that I cannot tame
And I remain the only one who can feel how I feel
Because unlike shattering a phone…
I cannot replace myself and this is all I know

Why do you not care?
Care that your harsh words rip me to shreds
Care that your looks make me feel ashamed of who I am
Care that your silence makes my head scream with sad thoughts
And my heart shatter like glass at my feet
Care that your inability to acknowledge the ways you hurt me never want to speak again
Care that you don't have to tear me down anymore
Because I'm already whittled away into nothing
Pretty soon I'll be dead inside,
Unreachable
I'll be a mute
My thoughts and feelings will be heard no more
My silence deafening
I wonder,
Will you care then?

I threw myself out in the pond
in an act of play
and didn’t realize
until I caught a whale
that I had embraced the ocean.

my mother opens her chest
and tells me god put a gun
there for when he comes back,
i protest the right to carry
outside the city lines
even though i've been
hurt too:
her wine cabinet tastes like
retribution and hope,
her red 4 days old open seal
tastes like ******* ****
20 minutes later,
when it's just me, the dog,
and a lukewarm drink.
don't put ice in wine. i've
learned this.

you know, i don't even
pick up bibles when
i'm ****** up? i cry
into tarot cards that
are vague and lack
comfort and pages
and pages
and pages
of lackluster
fake sunshine

water to wine to water again

my dad's the alcoholic,
nice ******* try,
big guy,
you're not
even speaking-
i have a dissociative
disorder, *******,
try me when i'm
feeling less real
istic.

I see what you
did there....

But I'm not falling
for it...

I'm not going to read
any further..

Do you no why??

Its because I'm
reading this...

In short bursts
that elongate a few...

Words

To make some thing
that means nothing.

But I'm still reading
this "How.....

I see what you did there...

**THE END...

From a speck of light,     the pinhole of a
camera obscura...      you get the picture.

Sometimes you just feel so
zombie esque it hurts to breathe.
The twitches
of a witch's
evil eye.

Mirages,
of a former ghost.
My personalities paid host.
Posessions, demonic in blood relations.
I'm lost, in my own sea.
Dead like the one before me.