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jupiter Sep 2018
when our girl was four,
she wasn’t really our girl.
she was us.

and then he came,
wrapped a hand round
our throat and said words
too adult to come out of
his mouth, did things
too adult to come out
of his hands,
and we dropped like
a glass on the floor.

and the biggest piece was our girl.

the first one of us to form
was utterly different,
a wild ethereal beast
made of flowing gas
like the planet jupiter, an
endless storm and it cried and
slashed the boy’s face across
with nails that our girl had
bitten down.

but the damage was done.

and we were here.

there never really was
‘our girl’. maybe we were
all her, even the boys.
but the one who was the closest
fell asleep when an adult
wrapped himself around us
and pushed.
and i’m all that’s left.

i miss her, in the
way that you miss someone
you’ve never met, or
barely met but know, with
deja vu and melancholy,
that they are the most important
person on the planet.
phantom limbs, but the
limb is a person, and she’s
been asleep for six years.

i was not made to be human.
i was made to be hurt.
i miss her.
Dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is thought to be a complex psychological condition that is likely caused by many factors, including severe trauma during early childhood (usually extreme, repetitive physical, ******, or emotional abuse).
none Jul 2018
I had split in parts.
I lifted my hand but
it was not me
I spoke words but
it was not me
I existed but
it was not me

I split in parts and
there should be dialogue
between roomates
but I was so terribly frightened
to bother them again
Parker Sep 2017
You know the way your phone slips from your hand and your heart drops?
The feeling of your heart skipping a beat as it shatters against the floor?
When I lose control, I experience a similar feeling
I lose control of my surroundings, sending my head reeling.
I panic and lash out in fear of the unknown
It’s like sand slipping from your fingertips at the beach
I lose myself in a storm of emotions and as I reach
For the little bits of myself, I can see in the chaos
They remain walking backward, afraid of who I’m becoming
My heart is drumming against my ribcage, ready to burst
And I’m terrified of the pale face I can see in the mirror
My reflection speaks for itself, wild eyes that know no bounds
Ears ringing, full of all the sounds
Of each voice that torments me around the clock
I’m ready for it all to stop but instead
I see myself hurting my loved ones
Becoming this animal that I cannot tame
And I remain the only one who can feel how I feel
Because unlike shattering a phone…
I cannot replace myself and this is all I know
Alec Boardman Mar 2017
Three in the afternoon and everything is fuzzy
You feel the familiar prickling under your skin and welcome it with open arms
But you can’t feel your arms
This vessel isn’t your body
But at the same time it is
You’re watching yourself lay there hopelessly while you pray and scream And cry
Oh, God, please don’t let me die.

But you aren’t dead
But are you even alive?
A bittersweet medium where nothing is real and your chest is on fire
You live in the flames, you feel yourself escape the trap of gravity
And you are floating
The bed you lay on is no longer touching you
You are in the air, weightless, but only for a few moments before
You crash down to earth and farther
And farther down more
Falling into endless

Am I alone?
Am I real?
Words ramble off the tongues of a homely face
But the words got mixed up in Google translate
Foreign words ringing in your ears and you can’t tell if
If you are really experiencing everything you are
Or if you’re just playing make believe with yourself.

Back to nothing.
Always everything but.
October 2016, my alter Lucy wrote this one.
Willow Branche Jul 2014
So cold locked up inside
Wanting to scream
Just to be free
To run and fly
And just be me
With no one to judge
And no one to care
Just as they always haven't
Why would they care now?
When I'm too far gone,
When I just want to have fun!
What's wrong with a little fun?
I want to complete myself with him!
Be with him!
Love with him!
But nothing can fill this void...
This temptation...
This pain... Except for more.
So I scream my head off!
And I run til my heart can't take anymore!
And I cut up my body til I'm all drained out!
And scratch at others lives
Just to get my temporary fix.
But now I'm cold
And out of breath
And out of my head
Just wanting to be
By Mandy
Willow Branche Jul 2014
I got lost in the darkness,
And found HER on the way,
As I lay here in the dark,
I pray for forgiveness,
HER SINS haunt me,
Thoughts forever inside,
I lie here in the dark,
Wanting to DIE
Wanting to CUT
YOU SCAREDY ****?!?!"
She pulls at my mind
Asking me WHY?
My only answer is to cry:

A poem about living with dissociative identity disorder.

— The End —