You didn't recoil from my touch,
you didn't run from my soul,
you just didn't want me
the way I wanted you.

nothing's instantaneous
temperance a requirement
change forever targeted
til self becomes fragmented

heart an aqueous soluble
erstwhile deliquescent
puddled into pulp
taken out like trash

fitting for an adversary
malicious and malevolent
destructive to the starling
plucked and plunged to sea

so drown to suffocation
laudable attempts at termination
inundate your consciousness
using barrages of indifference

convinced affection's unattainable
death deserted and companionless
auspicious in my loneliness
asphyxiate to expiration

From inside I'll build a prison
Bricks of self deprivation and hate
There won't be bars on the windows
Just flowery curtains
Because it's a choice to neglect the light of day
Piles of new clothes built up
But I'll kick around in this old hood
And watch the days fade
I honestly believe I'll look back  and dwell on the days I waste
But it's hard to break a cycle created by a mental cage.

I can't remember exactly what you look like
But the memories of what you did remain
The scars you gave me may have faded
But I still remember the pain

I can't give words to clear the chaos
Facts from emotions are hard to define
I live in fear that you'll be in my life again
You're out of sight but not out of mind

People tell me that time heals most anything
So give it time, they insist, and it'll be okay
I've been waiting but it's been nearly three years
I just want all these thoughts to go away

bleed from finger tips
pressed into plastic keys
repeat routine regularly
until wrunged and wrinkled
some of us are just built wrong
you hear yourself say out loud
dream of escape to Aokigahara
where the trees whisper your name
and even darkness is palpable
you can taste it on your lips
the hemlock firs surrounding
dirt and parsnips on your tongue
your skin itches and you are
wildly uncomfortable in the vessel
sleep now, the forest demands

You see me in most young teens
I'm the thing haunting their dreams,
But not all is not what it seems,

I'm just like any other,
I even have a brother,

Guess what my name is,
What let me answer it for you,

I'm depression and my brother anxiety,
We walk throughout society,

Embodied within everyone and well,
Our job is to make life a living hell,

The beauty of it all,
You can seek help
But we remain,

To haunt you once again
Whether shine or rain.

We’re gonna be there
So grip your bear tonight.

black empty expanse
my eyes meet the mirror
I consider shaving my head
removing my eyebrows
match outside to in
ugly and empty
I wish I could rip off petals
set myself on fire like a monk
reach nirvana by golden chariot
starve myself until I disappear
drink until I collapse forever
but I put my hair up
make a cat wing eyeliner
smile with bleached teeth
fix my dyed hair
use metallic red lipstick
consider plastic surgery
I don't want to be here, I mouth
the mirror knows already
but there's only one way out
instead, I put on my nicest dress
hoping that someday I find
a way to match inside to out