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Calla Fuqua Dec 2020
I wish my tactile hallucinations would give me a massage,
A warm hug from my non-existent mother,
A kiss from my long distance boyfriend.

A twisted fairytale

My hallucinations
They know what I fear most
And they want me to be afraid
They feed off my terror
They get off on my sick brain
They know what torments me.
Arachnophobia’s favorite game to play
The spiders
Come out of
My skin
They’ve been waiting patiently
When I’m most vulnerable
When I’m isolated
When I’m helpless

I wish my tactile hallucinations would
**** me
I am not actually suicidal
Kerli Tulva Sep 2020
You plant the seed
of a light delusion
you plan to read
to make conclusions.

The seed is growing
you water the plant
delusions are bowing
in tortured mind's enchant.

Day by day they grow
strengthen their grip
you go along the flow
of delusion's craftsmanship.
Zoe Rain Sep 2020
Dawn breaks open new revelations like geodes in my mind
and they sparkle with amazement at this previously unearthed way of thinking
deep seated in deep caves of thought processes
unchanged over a lifetime
I finally found the light
and it’s funny that I was the one hiding it all this time
back seat divers
breathing second hand oxygen
delirious from the fumes
one can only assume
Kashish Lahrani Aug 2020
Bleeding in pain from the inside
Scintillating in bliss from the outside
What weird way of living this is?
When will I come out of this abyss?
 
Come out and stare back into it
By being authentic and not a hypocrite.
When will I step out of delusions of deity?
Love thyself, and not abide by crippling anxiety.
Tanushree Verma Jul 2020
I can see your want to wrap yourself in me,
I can feel the amaze radiating from your body;
The tingle you feel when my waves touch the tip of your toes,
How you mesmerize your soul with the beauty I behold
But that's just the brighter side to this green-blue field that I am.
Beneath the blanket of foamy waters are dangers;
The ones you should beware of while walking on my banks.
While the birds elatedly chirp overhead me,
I smile to ingest the humanity within me.
For the love of creation, beings add to my aggravation.
I hold under my claws your tempting childhood,
And beside me is the muddy patch of your adulthood.
I may look euphoric at a glance
Yet you need to rethink before stepping in my trance.
Sit on the bank and by my waves be cajoled,
Once you let me swallow you, there's a lot that will unfold.
Skyler Ruen Jul 2020
shapes materialize
as the darkness envelops

my mind’s inventions
Cerasium Jun 2020
There’s a voice inside my head
Screaming that it’s all worth it in the end
But my mind plays tricks
So I don’t know what to believe

Should I listen to the voice
Or should I listen to reason
On one hand my life will change for the better
The other my life will stay the same

But with these delusions that run wild
Causing mayhem upon my brain
Sending toxic visions
And destructive thoughts

I sit and I ponder
Is it really worth it
Or will I just fail
Like so many times before

I try so hard to connect
To you and ignore the terror
The terror inside my heart
That pushes me to think it will never work

I think silently to myself
Questioning why this is
Why does my head do these things
When all I know is I like you

I don’t like the paranoia
I don’t like the fear
It terrifies me beyond compare
To a state beyond repair

My eyes they only see you
My heart screams out for you
But in the end of the day
My head screams it can’t be true

I try to run and hide
From all these thought inside
Screaming delusions and spreading fear
Cause all I want is to be with you

I run and run
Tripping over myself
Shielding my eyes from the visions
Of you wanting someone else

I fall and cry
Screaming for someone to help
Wishing my head would stop filling with lies
Stop filling with terrifying fantasies

And yet it doesn’t stop
Screaming and cowering
Clutching my head between my knees
I burst into tears begging why

Why can’t I trust
Why can’t I have faith
Why must my head do this
Why must I feel so alone

All I want is your reassurance
Yet I can’t even get that
Because I’m too afraid to tell you
About what’s really going on inside
Cerasium May 2020
It hurts to have your heart broken
But when it’s your trust that’s broken
It can be years before you are strong enough
To trust someone else

My trust was broken a few months back
And now that I found another
In which I like so very much
The trust is effecting me

Delusions and hallucinations set in
Causing my mind to panic
I try so hard to push them away
But they keep getting worse

I’m reassured that I’m not a burden
That I’m attractive and liked
But at the same time
My thoughts run ramped

Maybe he’s lying
Maybe he’s talking to other people
Maybe he’s with someone already
Maybe he’s just using you

Maybe he’s seeing multiple people
Maybe he’s this
Maybe he’s that
Thoughts of mistrust running wild

I can’t sleep
I eat everything in sight
Or I don’t eat at all
I cry all the time

I see visions and delusions
Of me cooking him dinner
And someone else coming in
And kissing his cheek calling him babe

And I wonder
Is my head really this bad
Am I going to let the past ruin my future
But yet the hallucinations continue

Visions of him holding someone else
Visions of me saying just take me home
Visions of me breaking down and crying
Visions of me that I wish to unsee

Cause you see
I like this guy
So very much
But this mistrust

Has got to stop
It will eat me alive
And it’s not fair to him
To compare him with the past
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