I only smile when I lie
not because I want to deceive
but because the truth feels like gravel in my mouth
sharp, dry, impossible to swallow
I smile because it’s easier than explaining
why I haven’t slept in three days
or why I flinch when someone says
“you seem better.”
I smile when I say “I’m okay,”
even though my chest feels like it’s caving in
like someone forgot to build the beams right
like the air is too thick to breathe
but too thin to scream through
I smile when I say “I’m happy for you,”
even though something inside me
is clawing at the walls
begging to be seen
begging to be heard
begging to be anything but polite
I smile when I say “I forgive you,”
even though I still wake up
with your name stuck in my throat
like a splinter I can’t cough out
I smile when I say “I love you,”
even though I don’t know
what love is anymore
even though I think it might be
just another word people use
to make silence feel less empty
I smile because it’s what people expect
because it’s what I’ve trained my face to do
when my heart is folding in on itself
when my thoughts are too loud
to say out loud
I smile because the truth
is too raw
too ugly
too much
And I don’t know how to be
too much
without scaring everyone away

same clothes and the same smell,
same room and the same hair gel–
good handwriting and the fairwell–
every now and then I just feel compelled

to lay in ash and let the heart churn.
to lay in ash and let the scars burn.
to lay in ash in hopes I’ll discern
what the past is yelling with a reverb

same clothes and the same smell,
dead heart lives in a young cell
and the water’s dried in a new well,
could I be the pool that’ll consume hell?

just a drop, just a drop
a drip of time for a broken clock
a moment merry with a single petal
until life’s hands come to cut your knot

but a word, whether auditory or a written letter
whisper to me or pick up your feather
rehash to me a time of us together
or just give detail of the local weather

same clothes and the same smell,
too familiar but I can’t tell
how the notes played don’t produce spells
is it wordplay? Is it truth–

truth is, truth is hidden by a hoodie–
silhouette, water–dirt, very muddy
with confusion, has me seeing blurry;
tears of hope sting, supper’s full of hurting and
the similarity is too concerning…

same clothes and the same smell,
but the voice, no, no the voice fails
and the face lies, quite the fox tail
this is not right, this is not real
–
a wolf in white wool tells me I’m his friend
the teeth in his jaw are bathed in fresh blood
we’re friends from the past and though I thought he was dead
he defeated his troubles like he said that he would (–did he?)

because of slow sense and the charm of his wit
I’m the meal and the victim, defeated in good

same clothes and the same smell but
its. not. You.

you
you dared tell a lie at
the very end
of each and every verse
that snapped out
of that flaming mouth
of yours.

I felt the guilt
of not quenching
your eternal thirst.

spinner of magmatic threads,
supine in your cocoon of lies.
weaver,
deceiver,
you told yourself the same lies
that entangle me in the susurrations
of your feminine death rattle.

I felt the weight
of not quenching
your ever burning thirst.

weaver,
deceiver.
remembered silken fingers
crisscrossing the empty
spaces between my heavy
heartbeats.

I felt the vibration
of failing to spot
that beautiful web you've spun.

believer,
deceiver,
weaver of all the lies
I needed to hear.

tell me,
are you content with being
all alone in your widow's web?

I know, you know
That I know, to look beyond the obscure dignities,
they're deceptions rooted in loss
created to alleviate the weight of your entire being,
You cannot deceive me
Because your soul is beautiful and pure,
This is the source of your true power

"The Swindle", is a possible escape plan in order to divert attention completely away from the VAST majority of preying eyes!
"Why!?" And..."why now question it...?" Whatever the situation, you need to be wary of totally undivided attention...,since you are not alone...of an obvious disguise (upon an even more obvious "swindling" act).