This is a tribute to my Dad,
In life, he was a stoic lad,
As a hero, he battled ****,
He loved sitting in his woodshed,
With our Dad, we were blessed,
Us he always gives the same love,
Rest in Peace, Dad, in Heaven above....

Four years ago was the best Christmas that I've ever had.
I was able to spend the final Christmas with Mom and Dad.
It was Mom and Dad's last Christmas, they wouldn't have another.
I knew that Dad would die but I didn't expect to lose my mother.
After losing Mom and Dad, I had to get used to spending Christmas alone.
When Christmas Day of 2013 arrived, I had to tolerate being on my own.
Next Christmas you may be on your own like me but hopefully you will not.
Family is the best Christmas present so appreciate the family you've got.

A drop of water races down the windshield of a 98’ Honda Civic.
Art feels queasy from drinking too much milk with his coffee.
There’s a battle in his inner eye and recovery cannot be seen
in the distant future.

Garden snakes wriggle between the blades of
grass while the lawnmower hums
like the orange glowing streetlamp
outside my apartment building.

The cold wind spreads a blanket of wrinkles
onto the pavement smeared with blood and
my pa’s tears.
He spent his entire life hiding in a turtle shell, his head
buried in his guts.

The highs and lows fluctuate within the soul
of a poet who stabs his pen through
notebook paper staining his
leather ledger with black ink.

Songbooks bungee jump off the scaffolding of
red brick tenements as the moonbeams trace concentric circles
round the puddles of
dead rainstorms on the pale concrete.

My pa picks up a bow and arrow,
plucks the string back,
and shoots the target painted
on the granny apple falling

from the heavy branch of the dogwood tree.

I wish I had asked you to stop
Like mommy said I should
you were drinking a lot
if I could go back I would
I was 7 years old and didn’t see you enough
you wanted me to visit and you would buy me stuff

I was far too scared
to go over there
because mom told me it all
the drugs, drinks, and cheating
your downfall
and I’m still giving myself a beating
that I hardly saw you at all

I wish I hadn’t been so scared
I wish that I had been there
before you were gone for life
it just wasn’t right
of me to fear you
why wasn’t I near you?

and I’ll never forget when you were in rehab
it was Christmas, but overall sad
little did I know
you’d be gone 2 months from that time
little did I know
I’d be forever saying good bye
I remember your parents came by
and you bought me the doll I had asked for
I should have tried
to thank you more

we visited you in rehab
and I can’t remember why, but mom got mad
sitting at a circular table on green carpeted floor
we left as you tried to get the door
and you just wanted us to stay
and visit for the Christmas day
but mom took us away

and on from then
things rushed to the end
you got out of rehab
but didn’t get better
I wish that I had
encouraged you to get better

but I still stayed away
and I’ll never forget the day
neither my brother or I
wanted to stay
mom took us off and we said bye
and then I saw you really cry
and that’s never left me
because it was so hard to see

then 3 days before your death
I hadn’t seen you for a while
you looked like a mess
but mustered a smile
and you gave me a small stuffed bear with a big red heart
from valentines day
I guess I wasn’t smart
to not realize you would slip away
but we went to dinner one last time
I said goodbye hoping everything was fine

and then you gave mom a call
had written her a big check
like you knew this all
that you were dying a wreck

and when I heard the news
I had a friend over
and I didn’t believe it was true
because how could your life be over
daddy, I needed you
but you died in a hotel room
death drug induced
an early dark morning on a Tuesday
like the counting crows song where they say,
*“ It’s 4:30 A.M. on a Tuesday. It doesn’t get much worse than this in beds in little rooms in buildings in the middle of these lives which are completely meaningless. Help me stay awake, I’m falling ”

Cigarette smoke
Burns my lungs
Inflames my memories
Flying embers
Drop on the cement
That you stood on
When you blew smoke into my face
I couldn't even cough
Because your burned my throat
With your cigarette ****

It was where you'd always sit, in unrest, with a forced smile, yet comfortable in your dwelling.
Seemingly broken but with a little hope stored away somewhere.
I saw an image that day, so surreal.
I could not help but let the tears flow, for I have missed you, more and more, since you let go.
Little instances when I feel you around, keep me curious and looking forward to life.
I momentarily feel the comfort and security you provided, and like the wind it sweeps away to find me on another day.
©A. Harris 2016

Innumerable

Have I met?

Was I able?

To find you yet



No not one

No not anyone

A search so

Splendidly futile

But I can go

An extra mile

To look for you





It’s thy goodness

That I can harness

To build a space

Where world is still

In beautiful taste



It’s thy care

That I need to share

To help me fare

In the network of

Them all so naive



It’s thy love

That is my cove

To help me shove

Waters so blue

And raise myself above



Lost you then

With all years gone

You still have shown

What lives again?

Is all that is,

Right and genuine



My Dad so brave

Lived in me you have

All these years

Just got me near

To you that

I think

I am like you



Be with me

Till in flesh

That’s my strength

My lasting wish

Before we unite

Up in bliss