I am told to take this one day at a time.

I cannot tell you how many times I have head that saying.

One day at a time,
One day at a time,
One day at a time.

It repeats over and over again in my mind.

One day at a time.
One day at a time

Yet, in my reality, it is
every seven minutes
then every ten minutes.

Every seven minutes, for m, feels like three hours,
during those seven minutes, i crave,
I crave to be drunk
I crave to be so high, I cannot tell left from right
I crave to smile like a child, 
I crave to laugh like there is no tomorrow
I crave to feel confident
I crave to make these shakes disappear for awhile.

Then every ten minute I feel normal.
I don't feel so outlandish for not drinking a beer.
I don't miss the taste of a cigarette,
after swallowing a shot or two.
I don't yearn for a drunken lullaby,
As time passes by.

Every seven then ten minutes
I'm switching opposite sides
Back and forth
inside my deranged mind
handling it the best I can

One day at a time

I crave you
But it makes me blue
You don't need me
But you won't leave
You play this game
That drives me insane
You're my day n night
This love's a plight
You make my mind muddle
Lets cuddle
You have my whole being
But you're fleeing

Understanding.
Safety.
Comfort.
Home.
I sleep better when you're here.
I feel better when you're touching me.
Even just a brush against your leg or your back behind me as I roll over.
You are what I crave the second anything is wrong
and the second anything is right.
You are a comfort I didn't think it possible to have.
I don't know what I give you that keeps you here, but I'm glad of it.
Please stay.

i want to be a child sometimes. i want to embrace life's experiences with an innocent smile and look upon others as though they were understood. i want to take back every sane thing i've said and just completely let go of everything that is keeping me from living my life as intense as i crave. because it's okay to not be okay. it is okay to want to change and be somebody else for a time; just promise me something:

don't let it overtake you, steal your soul, or trap your spirit.

you're beautiful, child, see the loveliness that rapidly grows. peace spreads like wildfire from your smile. joy is evident in your eyes; it demands to be seen.  pain, though felt, is NOT what defines you.  you have been remade, and i love you. i love you so very much.*


© Melissa Carlson 2015

It’s not love until it hurts. My heart boils and with little bursts, it grows wings that crave flight. I’m leaving the fight, against what might, work and not work. I’m setting myself free for you, take me entirely, love me selfishly, need me excessively and consume my sanity. I don’t exist in time with you, I find myself looking…but for no escape, just looking – admiring, wondering, seeking more & more of what might be pain. The worthy ache. An anxiety I want to let in.

It’s not love until it hurts.

Starred at her like she was a virtual machine,
Like I was working with rhymes and stanzas,
She stood there unseeing and overlooking,
I didn't know I liked her until she fell into my view,


My existence never touched her sight,
Since I saw her today,
I'm in hopes of being what she dreams about.
At least she exists in mine heart.

She provoked my heart to senses unknown to me,
Now she walked away without even saying "Hi",
I felt so nonentity,
She left I so recluse and dying.

I can't get over you
You left your mark on me
I got my eyes on you
Your everything I see
and breath your all I need
I can never get a enough of you
I crave-you baby
I want your high love and emotion endlessly.

Craving* for a touch I've never felt.
Craving for someone I've never met.

You were my drug
you were my sedative
and I'll admit it
I was an addict
I needed you
****, I craved you
I loved how you felt,
flowing through my veins
but you were dangerous
you were harmful
and I nearly overdosed
so as hard as it was
I put you down
and told myself
to walked away
I may still be an addict
I'll probably be one
my whole life
but I'm recovering
and I'm healing
and finally I'm clean