Every time I finally start to overcome 
And from my feelings find the strength to run;
There, around the corner, are my memories waiting,
And I suddenly begin to realize that my strength is quickly fading.

It doesn't seem to ever long enough last.
I never seem to truly overcome my past.
It haunts me in my dreams whether I'm asleep or awake.
It knocks me down and beats me till once again I break.

I try so hard, I really do,
I try my best to look forward to
Every good thing that will come from this pain,
And every little gift I'll in the end gain.

I know that everything has happened for a reason,
I only wonder at what time or in which season?
When will the past at last be behind me?
What must I do to find you to come find me?

How long will it take, I've truly begun to wonder,
When I no long hear this passing thunder;
The clash-clanging reminder of that which has been,
To finally see the sun along with a newly best friend?

Again I say my best is being done,
To this drenching pain at last overcome.
Yes I'm doing my best to weather the storm
Still it's leaving me feeling so battered and worn.

8/21/14 10:46 p

I’m bigger, but better
In all senses of the word
My old clothes,
Tight, taut, too tiny,
Abandoned for I have
Outgrown them

I remember being chained to the floor
My mouth stitched shut by threads of doubt
Not knowing if I'd been locked away in an abyss
Or if my eyes had been seared blind by all the pain I chose to see
All breaths were heaving burdens
And I could feel my heartbeat slowing but did not have the will to use it to trace the passing time
What could I do?
Was there a word, a spell to unlock the hold placed upon me
If I could only clear away all the trauma and tragedy
But nothing, I could find nothing
I remember crying to the sound of voices telling me I would end and waste away here
They laughed as they told me I was meant to die
Screaming I tugged viciously at my shackles
Nothing, I could feel nothing
But then my moment came
Something gave way the chain had certainly loosened
That night or day or moment void of time
I bit down ******* my own flesh as I begged my body to fight for me
Despite the blood trickling off my fingertips
Hours, no it could have been days
I wouldn't have known the difference between seconds and weeks
But through curses and agony I split my chains
And I tore open flesh and stitches to let my cry of victory echo
I remember laying my fingers over every crevice of that chamber
Still blind to anything that lie beyond my cell of self inflicted torture
Surely there was a way to escape
I scanned over the room until I could find the walls without reaching out
I found myself stranded and the voices came back to mock my feeble attempts at freedom
And I cried and cried and cried
I remember growing a fire in my heart with the burn of determination to survive
Begging it to quicken and bless me with the will to fight
And that is when I began to climb
Oh how many times I fell and cursed my foolish hope
Only to convice myself to scale the wall once more
Sweat raining off my back
At last I caught a whiff of something alive and fresh
And titled my head up
Proceeding to choke on my own breath
How long had it been since I'd witnessed the glory of light
And with layers of skin stripped from my fingertips
I clawed my way up to flat land for my final battleNow I'm looking down on the endless pit I jumped into
And here is what I will remember
As I breath air both crisp and smooth
Savoring flowers unique scent and tastes
I will remember that the only reason I now take every advantage of our golden sun
By absorbing all and every ray of light
Is because of every ounce of effort and energy
I poured into gaining back my open skied world
Every drop of blood
Every anger soaked tear
Every fear filled drip of sweat
Made my journey a success
There was no miracle, no spell
Just a straight uphill battle matched only by my own will to thrive
And so there is no forgetting
That this was more than worth it

C.N. / Words written in the sky that is my mind

The heart is in my art