for what it’s worth
shiny frost man
you shook me up last night
and your cold heart froze me
tangled up in blue and white
i’ll never see the endless sky
in your eyes
i wish i could be here with you
the coldest winter is coming
in a new shade of black
devouring the sky as snow falls
shhhhhhhh……

It wasn't supposed to be like this
I wasn't supposed to get attached
I was gonna close myself off
But my defenses got brutally attacked

One by one they poured in
An angel who was different
Shined through the lot of them
But I already knew how it was gonna end

Then came the desire
To want someone else
Someone thought to be impure
I had to juggle my many selves

I was too afraid to admit it
Haven't even said it out loud
It tries to break through
Every time I open my mouth

I need to let it out
But the angel holds me back
lives up to the name I awarded
I always knew it was a trap

A trap for me
To bury myself in
And now I can't get out
For the angel sends in

All the love
And hugs and kisses
And I too have to shove
Out all the things I listed

The devil can't help me
I'm in this situation
If I get out of this alive
I'll have a celebration
Full of awkward conversations
But it will be my own creation

An award on the shelf
That I held out for so long
In a version of myself
That felt so wrong.

Time as a monster
Keeps tick tick ticking over.
Sometimes behind me,
Most of the times ahead of me,
But when its right beside me,
I get really scared.
Wish I could be spared,
But it cares for no one
And keeps on coming and coming and coming...

Never meant to be a symbol.
There are others who came before.
They carried the cross long before me.
I walk their path with head held high;
A journey emblematic of the times.

Getting here took some time.
Determination of Napoleon…
The grit of John Wayne…
The courage of the Cowardly Lion…
All emblematic of what was required.

Now, I am free.
Life is different now.
I am surrounded by those who matter.
Their love consumes like the ocean.
I am planning on drinking it in.
What happens next is meant for me.

I want a man
to be a man.
A man who knows
what to do,
exactly when,
and knows
who to do it to.

Why?

I want a man to be a man,
meat mountain in motion,
so little body fat
that
        I. . .

Can make mixed drink rivers
flow through the cracks of
his ****** abdominis.

Now,
dance 2 it.

Now,
dance 2 it!

I want a girl
to be a girl.
Her, tolerant,
forever
diminutive,
and knows
how it goes, because.

Why?

I want a girl to be a girl,
Youtube tutorials,
one of two: **** or ***.
I
  want. . .

Long hair and circus paint
on a few warm holes,
willing and wet, or, at least
wet.

Now,
dance 2 it.

Now,
dance 2 it.

Now,
dance 2 it!

It's raining money
where it rains.
In the open.
It's raining respect
where it rains.
In the light.

Where am I?
(Where am I?)

I'm. . .         here.

im guilty--
biting my nail, biting my lip,
biting my
t o n g u e

fidgeting, flickering eyes that go
on and off, on and off
me

im chronic,
nervous,
in a state of
mind your own
business

im obsessed with
looking down at my feet as i walk


im forever stuck
in this awkward
edge-of-pubescence
b o d y

when i've already
died
a few hundred times
over



i dont have *******
i have two hearts,
beating out of my chest


im fragile,
tender,
might just topple over
or burst
into a million pieces of

confetti,
in my room:
its always somebody's birthday
that somebody is me
but i don't know somebody,
perhaps i used to know me
perhaps i never did



sometimes i want
oranges:
bright, round, yellow
fresh, spunky, don't-give-a-****

ill roll
whenever you put me down

im just a lemon:
yellow, iffy-butty

please
dont put me down



i just want someone to know me
(love me)

i just want to be an orange:
i wanna be what i seem
nothing to go off about
nothing to get put down about


i come as i am
and i get sent back home for it

you see--
i know nothing
all too well

What do you think, from a personal view
is it fun to live in an old dusty room?
The answer is clear, though we try to forget it
We just don’t want to see it from a different perspective
It’s hard to open the doors and see what is out there
It just shows us so boldly how little we have here.
But to open the doors means more than we know
The world can illuminate with a soft-spoken glow
It’s not all that hard though it might bring you peril
Depression can lurk around every other person.
To be selective or fully collective?
of the things we see and how we connect it
As long as you look for the truth you may find it
Though you may not like what you see and might fight it
This begs for an ending that will blow you away
But I’ll let someone find it in another way