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Steve Apr 2018
My Wife Mary
Was incredibly hairy
With a thick wooly coat of fur
Head to toe covered in hair
You may think that’s quite scary
But it was just hereditary
Her mother was a grisly bear


My Sister Kim
Was a little bit dim
She asked what IDK stands for
When I said I don't know she stamped on the floor
*** she said, nobody does, I'm off to the gym for a swim.
***?

My Uncle Cyril
Flew down from the Wirral
Where he was known as a ladies man
With an extremely large wingspan
You know what I mean, he was virile.
Steve Sep 2017
While flying in the sky
A falcon played I spy
With his eagle eye
He spied a little mole
Crawling out a hole
Swooping to the ground
He hardly made a sound
To cause a ripple in the day
But he stole the mole away.
From a plane
Steve Sep 2017
A little Spanish lass
Joined the Scottish class
But when asked to roll her r's
She was met with whoops and ah's
Then scored an A plus pass

*For which she was thrilled to bits
So she also rolled her ****.
From Barcelona
Steve Jul 2017
A fine young guy by the name of  Mike
Used to peddle a butchers bike
If you needed a tasty treat
Mike turned up with a basket of meat
And if you fancied a bacon roll
Or a bowl of toad in the hole
Mike delivered around the clock
So it all came as quite a shock
When he said he'd enough
And he was thinking of doing other stuff
Standing there with hands on hips
He handed in his trouser clips
"I'm moving on to pastures new
And going to work for Deliveroo"
The butcher's wife couldn't believe her ears
And burst out into floods of tears
"What would it take to make you stay?"
"Any price I'd gladly pay?"
The butcher was surprised at this
And said "Bridget are you *******?"
But Bridget only had eyes for Mike
And the pair sped off on the butchers bike.
Steve May 2017
Daniela Duff
Was in the buff
That day the milkman came
He winked and said he liked her name
But she knew his game
He was her bit of rough
And though she thought it was a bad habit
He went at it like a rabid rabbit
Also  he gave her free milk and other dairy stuff.
The milkman's name was Ernie!
Steve Feb 2017
The ground bubbled up like a stew
Nobody knew what to do
It was running away
Like the month of May
And the sky tumbled in too.

© Copyright SE February 2017
Steve Feb 2017
That cat on the couch
Is a terrible slouch
Sleeping half of the day
****** ears twitching away
Waiting for someone who'll play.

© Copyright SE February 2017
Steve Feb 2017
A chicken was laying an egg
While perched on the side of a keg
The egg bounced on the floor
Then it rolled out the door
Where it cracked and out popped a leg

The egg stood up nice and tall
Recovering now from its fall
It walked round the yard
Trying to look really hard
Then it climbed up onto the wall

"That's where we sit"
Said the hens in a fit
"Well I was here first"
The little egg cursed
And that is the truth of it.

© Copyright SE February 2017
The old conundrum
Steve Feb 2017
Kirsty O’Connor offered her honour
Little Tom Toffer honoured her offer
In no time at all he was quickly upon her
And all through the night he was off her and on her
As morning was dawning
In that fresh bright light
From the depths of deep sleep
Came smug smiles of delight
Ms O’Connor's honour was a goner Your Honour
While Tom Toffer never got a better offer.

© Copyright SE February 2017
From an old joke
Steve Feb 2017
A poor boy entered the shop
His eyes were ready to pop
Surrounded by riches
With holes in his britches
Only to be handed a mop

© Copyright SE February 2017
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