It means you tried to look pretty for another man. You put on your eyeliner and mascara to attract him, look good for him. You put on a skin tight dress for him. You looked at him in the eyes and let him touch your hands or your back. You sat in the front seat with him and you let him give you flowers. You tried to want him, to love the color of his eyes or to like the shape of his body. You looked at him with lustful eyes without love. For a moment, you even tried to picture him as your husband or to have his child or what his child would look like if it were yours too. You might even have thought of his lips on yours or his body on top. You spoke to him with all the wrong intentions, not for work, not because he lives at your dorm or because you know him a bit, not even because he's just a random friend, but because of all the wrong intentions.

And all this was within 10 days of your drama and now you still have the audacity to tell me all about your loyalty and about how you've been nothing but loyal but if that, you think is loyalty then you don't know half the meaning of that word because loyalty doesn't need to taste other men/women and it sure wouldn't have put him in my shoes. Loyalty wouldn't try to lust over other men like a **** or dress up in **** tight jeans for them. Loyalty wouldn't need a free trial.

And lets flip roles here and say I tried to do what you did and lets say I took a pretty girl with straight hair out for a drive in my car and lets say I used my best perfume to smell nice for her and to want her to want to kiss me and lets say she's been trained to cook the best food and look the best for a husband and she's smart too and lets say that for a moment I try to want myself to want to be her husband and lets say she's more into me than I'll ever be into her and all she wants is to be sitting on my lap but she won't say it and I know her intentions but I take her out anyway and I wear my best button down and I say no to her proposal of getting me into her bed late at night but that doesn't mean I didn't try to want to say yes.

Would you call me "loyal" then if it took me lesser than 2 weeks to **** up a 3 year relationship which was made of so much more than 2 bodies, which was made of two hearts and souls. 10 days isn't enough for "loyalty" to want to move on or to try to. Loyalty is a pledge witnessed by god. Loyalty holds itself up in distance or in despair or in sickness or in misunderstandings and it surely holds itself up much longer than 10 ******* days.

So tell me whatever, tell me you aren't sorry or that you don't want him and you want me or don't want me or tell me about why we will never happen or why we will, tell me of his seven figure salary (and I won't give a ****), tell me his pros and all my cons, tell me how I was never enough or how I was too much, tell me whatever but don't you dare act loyal to make yourself feel better about your selfish **** self by calling it self-love and don't you dare tell me about stories of your loyalty with me because it only takes one to **** it all up and don't you dare disgrace my loyalty to you by ever calling yourself loyal after going out on a date with him.

He don’t wanna love you like I did
He wanna *******
Get you a baby
And give you the American dream

Everything you gave to him
you can call right back at whim.
Regardless of physical closeness
a summoned soul returns to her hostess.
Some sections sullied if abandoned
can bleed blackness where they landed.
If a cleansing seems worthwhile
you can try another style.
The soul’s appendices when spent
regenerate with love’s intent.
Hues of blue that softly scatter
soon can spectrum when we matter.
Keep on crying to dry your well;
keep on praying to bind your spell.

A moment arrives and you let it take
    away any empathy you had
Dull, lifeless I lie dying, beating inside
    your heart, captive
Unheard, I wait for you to finish your
    assault against our love
Lecherous mountain of meat,
    disgusted by you, I can't help but
Turn away, can't bear that
    unapologetic face, so stoic
Essentially, you succumbed to a more
    favorable *****, so you can
Run off for a wet, foreign kiss, but
    please understand
You can never come home

The lies and deceit had me crying in defeat.
Pain surges through, why'd it have to be true?

You've loved her since you saw her, and you've wanted her but now.
You've played me, betrayed me, and left me lying on the ground.

****.

I didn't see this coming, my hearts broke, I feel like nothing.
My thoughts are all in a blur, and all for what?

Just *******, Her.

HIS KISS WAS POISON.
THAT I MISTOOK FOR LOVE
I BELIEVED THAT HE WAS THE ONE,
HE HAD TO BE.
THIS RELATIONSHIP WAS FORCED
AND NOBODY COULD EVER LOVE ME.
WHEN HE FINALLY WALKED AWAY,
THAT’S WHEN I REALIZED IT WAS TRUE.
EVEN I CANT LOVE ME.
I DIDN’T BLAME HIM AT ALL.

BUT HE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO LEAVE
AFTER ALL, HE TREATED ME LIKE DIRT
AND HIS WORDS WERE VENOM
WHILE HE LIED AND SAID HIS HAND WAS
NOT UNDER HER SKIRT.
BUT AT THAT PARTY, I SAW IT.
HE HAD NO REGRET.
OUR LOVE WASN’T REAL BUT
****,
DID THAT HURT.

NOW I’M HERE,
REMEMBERING WHEN HE WOULD
SAY HE WAS “JUST WITH THE GUYS”
BUT THE GUYS DON’T HAVE PERFECT LIPS
AND LUSTFUL BLUE EYES.
OR A DRESS THAT WAS TOO SHORT,
AND A NEED FOR ATTENTION.
HE WAS LOVE DRUNK
AND HE NEEDED AN INTERVENTION.

HIS WORDS TURNED HARSH AND
I KNEW THEY WERE TRUE.
I REMEMBER HOW HE SCREAMED
“NO ONE COULD LOVE YOU.”
IT RINGS IN MY EARS EVERY NIGHT,
IT’S ONE OF THE THINGS THAT KEEPS ME FROM BEING ALRIGHT.
NOW THERE’S TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE,
WARNING YOU ABOUT BROKEN HEARTS, JUST IN CASE.