If you wanna know me,
Spend time with me don't judge me,
We all make mistakes,
But our mistakes doesn't define us,
It just shows we are humans,
If we don't **** up we can't learn,
Never think ******* up means you're a **** up,
There's no such thing as a perfect person.

Perfection doesn't exist,
Trying to be perfect will **** you faster,
If they don't accept you for you that's on them,
You are special the way god made you,
Don't allow nobody to change you,
You're unique in your own way.

I saw some things in myself I didn't like,
I then decided to change my ways,
Nobody made me change,
I made the changes within myself,
If you don't like what you seeing,
Change what you see within yourself.

maybe I saw her
at the laundromat
and just missed her,
I was looking for a change,
while she walked
away.

it’s 3am right now
and I’m wide awake,
sitting on the edge
of my bed with
tears in my eyes.

I am in exactly the
same position I was
frozen in last year

and two years ago

and the year before that

and when I was young,
something like thirteen,

and basically every year
that I was old enough
to have some memory of.

I’m still that same
sad girl who writes
depressing poetry and
makes reckless decisions.



she sees a future sometimes,
but sometimes all she sees
and hears is television static.

sometimes she wants to
fill in the blanks and
paint a colorful future

and other times she’s
not so sure she wants
to see any future at all,
existing or not.

I’m still that girl.



I have a bed that
the love of my life
is asleep in right now.

my room is painted
a dull blue-grayish
color that I once
would have hated.

I no longer have
fan memorabilia from
concerts and emo bands.

instead of posters,
my walls hold
pretty picture frames.



there’s one of me
and my love at the top
of a mountain we hiked,

although truthfully it
was more of a hill.

we laughed at how
overrated that hike was.

in this picture,
we’re still laughing.



my room is in a
beautiful house in a
suburban neighborhood.

unlike so many people
who I once knew, I
made it out of the city.

I have a diploma and
the start of a college degree.
I received an education
instead of dropping out.

the school district here
is rated highly.
this is a safe place
for my future children
to grow up in.

there is green grass
in a spacious yard,
and a patio outside
where one day
I might sit and watch
my children play.

I have an amazing life
that I never thought
I could possibly have.

I am genuinely happy.



but for some reason,
I’m sitting here crying
in the middle of the night.

3am is still a time when I
am almost always
wide awake.

I am still a sad girl

who sometimes sees
a wonderful future

and sometimes sees
no future at all.



my surroundings have
drastically changed

and right now,
my life is truly good.

I have already begun
to build a new
life for myself.

I am somewhere
safe and happy.



but I know now that
all of that means nothing.

I have begun to build
a life that I once only
dreamed about living,

but when I moved,

I had to bring myself
with me.



nothing can change
until I do.

when my heart was
inundating with love,
I tried to fill up yours
so you don't feel vacant inside.

I thought we'd both survive
by this give and take
only you took everything
in return for false hope.

eventually, I got to know
what I had to do;
just walk away from you
while learning that not all change is good.

I used to think you'd make me whole,
holding hands together we'd stroll
but the fairy-tale jig is up darling,
don't think this as a love poem for your soul.

Chronology were neither
at the point of no return
                          or a way back.

What's perplexing in the narrative
is that neither can be changed,
                     as were in neither
but the  momentary



      fluctuation of either