I listen to your music,
look at your art,
become jealous;
wishing someone
could love me
the way you love
her, wishing someone
could write a song about me,
paint a picture of my smile;
rationale
in a long sentence
unwinding to say
    you are beautiful
    and I love you.

Part 1
Pressed from all sides
'neath a mountain of gifts,
each blessing designed
to create yet more rifts.

Weighed from above
and compressed from all sides;
useless and helpless
and angry besides.

Defending forever;
with no give to take.
Now tired and broken,
just one decision to make.

Keep defending or not;
be compressed or fight.
claw my nose above water
or slip out of sight.

Still searching for reasons
to seek each new day
and continuing on is just
the most familiar way.

It's ever more appealing
to cease and be gone.
So tired of fighting,
of playing the pawn.

I ache for the stillness
I hope could be mine.
Yes, this lone hope is morbid
but it's serving just fine.

If hope springs eternal
there should be more around.
Perhaps they are waiting
within frozen ground.

Part 2
I've realized, I don't really want to die
I just want my world to die around me
the hypocrites circling to seek a cause
to be rid of unsuitable me
the family burdened by growing cost
clutching insurance in case I never succeed
the home I may lose- any time, many ways-
due to spite, envy and greed
the smile that I share, every day everywhere
despite what remains unseen
the pain ever there, never slack, always bare
finding new cause, in everything new, everywhere...
I don't really want to die
I just want my world to die around me
but in the absence of that, there is me
which could leave me similarly free
and that is well worth considering.

Part 3
Though I've realized this
no decision is yet made
I remain adrift

Part 4
Wrung out and still dripping,
these tears still slipping away,
under my skin;
Sallow thin skin.
A weekend lost to agonizing over
what is beyond my control
and always was
because I am still swayed by
those I care for and those I don't.
Shaken by each puff of breath
and screaming gale.
The thought of a mere ten minutes
has me terrified
and just for tonight
I would trade for almost any fight
that would allow me to run away.

Did I ask for help?
Easy for those out there looking in.
Shame fills my emptiness.
Pride is long lost among the
Apathy. I reek of
Insensible poetry, palms are
Rooted to the shame of it.
;

Kick in an amp or something
Break a couple rules
Let out all this angst at nothing
Just break down and rock

I need to cut The Punk loose
I've tied him up too long
Let me ease my ******* loud-mouthed soul
With some nasty
******
Noisy
Rock 'n' roll

Let me yell until my voice hurts
And play til my fingertips bleed
Feel the beat that my gramps said would send me to Hell

Yeah...
That sounds sweet.

She had the cat-like grace
Of an infatuation betrayed,
Love, but never forgotten.

She’d sneer promises today,
As she’d perfected prior,
With that same curl of the lip,

The smirk born Juarez,
Cacti and Rio, whilst
I’d only show my tummy;

Something tougher and
Catalyzed within a scar,
This chasm stained the,

“We” atop yesteryear
And the “me” I’d be
Tomorrow –

One more hour,
Wanting, wasted, waylaid,
And never to let go.

The first love’s an archetype,
This first kiss, an epitaph,
Did you ever let me go?

I walk with weary eyes
Tired of seeing, no longer willing to hear
My head spins from the smoke of your conflagration
Burn me down from the inside out
Lungs of ice trap the filth
Make sure the essence becomes my own
I try to scream but cough out words of rancour
A whirlwind of smoke and embers
My ashes block the sun
Nothing can grow here