my fingers are leaden
my hands are sore
i never would have thought before
that you'd bring me so low
that there'd be no room to grow
my nails have been chewed to stubs
my stomach sinks to my feet
i finally admit defeat
you broke my heart
i wish I can go back to the start
and not press send or call you back
prevent each and every panic attack
my brain tells me no
and my heart aches for you
but you never believed it would be us two
you chose another
caused cracks to form under my skin
i never should have let you in
i crumpled like paper
my skin white as snow
now i know i was right to let you go
i never held on
i just released
you've left some pages of my life creased
it burned to breathe
my lungs were on fire
you dug my heart out with dull wire
it took so long to beat again
i wondered if i could take this pain
so all i could do was try to break the chains
things have begun to change
another came along
i have a new tune to my song
why are these things always so scary?
it means i'll never stop being wary
time for me to be brave
he has to pick up my broken shards
scattered here and there
i wasn't sure if he would care
once things went wrong
it seems that we belong
i wouldn't have read that in the cards
i'm only scared he cuts himself
trying to fix me
and he no longer will want the key
that stops me pulling back
that keeps me on track
because i am not worth it
This was written when I was closest to my lowest of lows and I edited it when things got better. I edited it again as things grew worse, but they've finally begun to level out. Sad thing is, some insecurities apparently never die...
