I awaken in darkness
still terrified and running
from the mountain lion.

But what if I’m the prey
of my own judging
captive of my comparisons?
At times I feel those verdicts in my gut
like when I can’t concentrate on a task
I SHOULD be doing.

When I notice my tight gut
and my mind wanting to flee
I can stop trying
and lying to myself
set my imagination free
roam a wilderness I choose
like right here on the flat and fertile plains
of this poem’s lines.

the girls locker room
me and you
the hallway and the doorway
and the picnic blanket in the breeze

blood on my knees
spit on my cheek
collarbone markings
from your teeth

show up after class
not the same as the last
you're high and i'm low
is this the way
it's gonna go?

sober makes me
feel heavier than
underneath that "man"
one whole year ago

now we dance
in the pitch black
dark of the locker room
you're grabbing for me
and i'm fumbling for you

falling on the ground
i don't see anything
but i feel your breath
as you ask
"what's next?"

and i don't know.

Stop.

Calm.

Exhale.

clear your mind.

breath in.

and out.

This world
is kind.


You will be fine.

You're doing great.

inhale.

exhale.

four - seven - eight.


Now hug yourself
and softly smile.

or cry a little.

breathe for a while.


accept

and calm.

see what is there:
your favourite place
you've built with care?

strong growing plants,
delicious tea?

a patch of sunlight,
warm, gentle sea?

inhale... and listen
for a while.


it all will pass.

and all be fine.

♥

her name is apart
and like me, she won't swallow.

he left himself
rotting somewhere away from me.
and maybe
i should be happy
but the pain of a severed heart lingers.

so are you damaged like me?
then i don't think i should see you
but i know i will anyway.
so meet me between your teeth tomorrow.

Why are all the good things scary
You'd think that flying would be breathtaking and exhilarating
But
All I can think about
Is how close I am to falling
It's suffocating

When I breathe my body is relieved.
Where once timber, now limber.
My posture is vibrant and silent.
I'm cleansing my Violet.
Violet where once crown, no longer a frown because
I'm grounding, I'm grounding until my soul is unbound.
I'm breathing, and when I'm breathing laughter reveals me but I focus, I focus and I don't let it seal me.
I'm cooling, I'm cooling, and soothing my soul, so that it may stay open for one and for all.
I meditate
I abbreviate, small glimpses of light.
So that the sugar of my solar may fall out - from my sight.
I am serious, and my breath is sinuous.
It awakens my mind,
But these competitive thoughts: they do not oblige.
So I keep breathing and breathing for full conscious feeling and through this procession my spirit is right.
Spirit pouring out of my pores.
I am rich with inner vision.
What sun shall I bring up to clear division.
What light shall I pour out tonight, Oh Sun
I am ready to stand up for what's right.

Sudden Grace
written July 6th, 2021

I wait
for these moments
of sudden grace

   light piercing dark storm clouds
   a perfect note improbably held in song
   the golden hawk on a suburban tree branch

when suddenly
I can breath.

Away on a short but long trip into pain
my absence brought
a keen yearning for our union
so now we touch
I breathe in your aroma
my heart throbs with joy
and gratitude
for this rich vibrant presence.