the phoenix he helped create,
out of control boy without a dad,
shot the gun that woke me up in the morning,
while i drove into his driveway repeatedly calling.

your white shirt is now red
and the polaroids are drenched in butane

my sweaty hands gripped the steering wheel as if i let go i'd fall
my temples felt non existent
and i tensed up at the dinner table

death sat across from me, and my parents told me to love her
because she was part of the family
and she only visits at times

now you fly in peace,
i hope, my friend,
a man can't avoid what he's meant to do,
when he's meant to do it,
even if he doesn't really want to,

The last few months have been horrible
like wind next to your voice
there isn’t any connection but lightning
the whole point is to do better
than the ones that don’t have control
the crowd put a border around you
someone will encourage you to just give up
You’re being buried under thousands
of other people talking.

It’s better safe than sorry. Say “Hello,
welcome” Ask them questions; don’t argue
You are not the best at this but try

Set up a stream. Watch it set.
someone may join, keep going.
even when things go wrong.

I’m feeling old, I’m feeling sick and tired
I hate these people and I hate this town
My car has broken down yet newly tyred
I think I’m gonna burn this mother down
I’m gonna dress up and dry all bars out
I’m gonna win the Tori Spelling Bee
I’ll be like “Britney *****”, I’m in Blackout
I’m gonna open my heart with a key
I’m gonna share my love and share my body
You ain’t no ******* ‘till someone paid you
I’ll be the Mary, Jesus, I embody
I am the Burning Paris: *****, I made you
I am not shady, I am simply fierce
Tonight I’m hungry, hairy, hot, and *****
Tonight I’m gonna drink blood, sweat, and tears
For all the ***** and **** with their crowns thorny

the lovely
                   vapour
around me

foliage
           trees
  sanctuary
                   among the tall grass

the breath          of universal
                     love
                sustains us

an eternity
                                 of bliss

heaven and earth
in my soul


[Note: This was originally a Blackout Poem written using the Blackout Bard poetry app. The original can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bf9g-moht36/]

myself
            new words
               new meanings
            overtones
                              word­s
   thought
            vast unkown
fertile territories           waiting
                    to cultivate


[Note: This was originally a Blackout Poem written using the Blackout Bard poetry app. The original can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bf7P0NRB7VX/]

The first time I blacked out I was with you.
I'd never drank in front of you before and I only had a few, but you brought me more.
My intentions were only to forget the **** going on inside of my head.
So three because twelve and the room began to spin,
But not at first.
At first I was light, my body was not my own, I felt this power and you called me beautiful.
I was in total control...
Then, I wasn't.
I laughed loudly and I shouted to speak,
I talked about nothing's and got caught up in the sheet.
I could not walk so I started to crawl, to check my phone, if I'd missed a call.
I started to repeat myself, over and over again.
You realized I was done for and took me to your bed instead.
You laid me down and cradled my face, you shook me to snap me out.
"I'm in control, I've got this, I'm in control, I've got this" repeating, pouring from my lips.
The lips you leaned down and tenderly kissed.
My mind reacted but my lips could not move, they kept talking about control and about you.
"You love him, but he doesn't love you, you love him, but he doesn't love you" repeating, flowing from my mouth.
You left the room, left me alone, you couldn't handle my doubt.
A whole hour later you came back to me, I was still talking, repeating, repeating.
"Nobody loves you, just die, nobody loves you, just die" catching on the breath that left as I spoke.
You sat next to me and on my words I began to choke.
You shook me really hard and smacked at my face lightly.
I came into consciousness and then fell into sleep silently.

I'd rather stay in
than pass out drunk with a guy you refer to as "him"
because you were too tipsy to ask his name,
and now are sleeping in his puke with a migraine.

Dead,
the day before yesterday.
Grieved by it, personally,
Reputation: few or no friends
Suggested art - lost its erratic stars
A dreamer! Dwelling in ideal realms
                          -the brain-
Madness

Melancholy

Indistinct curses with eyes upturned, already ******.
Happiness wit hglances introverted, shrouded in gloom,
arms wildly beating spirits - sought to forget
close by,
those glimpses
open to the doom of death