When I think about first love,
I remember not wanting to say goodbye
We stayed up all night together
24 hours on Skype
We were miles apart;
The closest thing to staying in your arms was hearing your voice as I drifted to sleep.
We were too proud to say it out loud
The truth we both feared.
I said I love you to all my friends,
But it was a coverup
For a different love entirely.
Some truths don’t need to be spoken,
Some beasts are best left unnamed,
But it doesn’t take much to read between the lines
Of our messages when we fantasized
About our lips, bodies, and hands intertwined.
In my dark moments of despair
You could still bring a smile to my face.
I recall, when I told you how much I hated me
You took it upon yourself to write out all the things you loved about me.
I tried to see myself through your adoring eyes
I read your letter countless times.
We burned bright and fast,
And at 16, I could never dream,
Of a world where you weren’t everything to me.
Now, our flame has long been extinguished
The pain of the end no longer stabs me
It’s just a dull memory meandering in my mind.
Your face is just something I see in passing,
But your birthday I still have memorized.
I still think of you when I hear the song that gave you your name,
and I remember what first love was again.
The feeling of never wanting to say goodbye,
But knowing some day you will.
