How am i supposed to say
what i want is not attention
it's reassurance

what i want is not sympathy
it's support

how am i supposed to say
i am battling..
with myself.

Racing across
The well worn path
Of old earth and stone
Down the road
Over the hilltop
Not a moment
To brace for impact
Only the collision
Cast back
To the earth that flowed beneath
Now coated with a thin layer
Mind as scattered and disturbed
As the earth and grass below

Gaze across
To what lies just paces ahead
To yet another
Disoriented fellow
Pages strewn about
As is an apologetic voice
Hands fluttering about
Like freed doves

Risen and collected,
Words shared and spoken
Together they then go
Towards the setting sun
With mighty sword
Ink and pen
Away to battle they shall go

With sword strong and gleaming bright
Surely to survive the fight
Sharper than thorns
To pierce the veil
Their enemies to wail
The soldier shall prevail

With ink as black as darkest night
Words well weaved, bold with might
Surging with power of great war horns
To give strength without fail
Their foes sure to flail
The poet shall prevail

On goes the soldier
Powerful in skill
Master of the sword
And precision in the ****

On goes the poet
Sharpest in will
Master of the word
And always ink to spill

Away they go,
Walking to and fro
They shall lead their lives on well
Never to hide inside a shell
The soldier and the poet

- Jay M
January 12th, 2021

— but I did not dart into the field with a sword in my hand
I stood by the archers, choked poetry out a quill’s hollow chest

my sisters could slay heads in smooth, swift motions
their tiaras glimmered in pools of enemy’s blood,
but I only gagged at the sight of rotting flesh

led no soldiers on my armoured horse,
I sat by the rocks and stared at the ocean from dawn to dusk
picked up the flaccid of my limbs and willed them to endure
one more step, one more step, one more step,
one more—

shook and whimpered under weights of my velvet sheets
I drowned a hundred deaths beneath the layers of silent nights
— could’ve fought dragons, I chose shadows instead
and I did not win wars under the silhouette of my cape
I curled up at the sound of cannon *****,

shrieked louder than the wounded every time
an arrow kissed a heart
and I saved no bruised kingdoms with my flowing blood

sat by the roses and talked to the bees
cried out tears for a carcass of crow,
******* my bones with my feeble flesh
and I begged them to not break apart,
begged through every sigh of the air,
— every burning book,
— every hissing of the rain
every drop tiptoeing out a mouldy tap
I begged them to not break apart

walked though the forest with a lone wolf in my skull,
I sat by a newborn **** singing her back to sleep

and I cried out in pain when a knife ripped open my wrist
did not jump through dubious cliffs and roar with the winds
nor did I fight a hundred knights —
with a broken arm and a tired blade

I winced at the sounds of slashing swords
— shivered at the thought of a dagger’s stab
I dragged an obsolete chest through aisles of dusty, empty shelves
and I whirled around lilies and laughed with the frogs
all while melting away—

I Inhaled, exhaled all night— all day— with these rusted lungs

escaped a thousand chains that snarled in my bed,
I forced dry breads down my narrow throats
and saved a young jasmine from a greedy bird,

fell down thrones and I kissed a hundred grounds
through bleeding lips and muddy gowns,
molded my hesitant voices into tunes of ballads hand-stitched
I brewed tales upon tales for the lonely moon

I willed the vacant of this heart to breathe
every day,
every endless hour,
—every whisper of the despaired firefly
—every flutter of the wind
—every chuckle echoing in the sea
every tick of the yawning moon
and every tock

and don’t you dare—
don’t you dare
tell me about the battles they fought—

You’ve befriended discomfort,
Left behind your childhood streets,
only to walk down dark foreign ones.
You kiss away your mother tongue,
Surrendering to an unfamiliar one.

                      ...............

Your battles are carved into my blood vessels
and I will carry them with me
as reminders of patience and faith