I am from Home.

I am from hot baths in the summer and winter alike.
I am from a silver ring decked with a ruby.
I am from laughing faces and weeping hearts.

From Pilaf and Tabuleh.
From the lonely, and the love.
I am from music loud in my ears so I don't have to listen to anyone.
I am from late-night arguments and early-morning apologies.

I am from cousins and children
Staying in my home despite
Their heritage.
I am from Untitled Documents.
I am from Marisa and Ben. My namesake and her lover.

I am from hand-washing dishes.
From Mrs. Laird and Mrs. Tans.
From Eagle Crest.

I am from Volleyball.
From late practices
And broken limbs.

I am from the world.
From crushing decisions that don't matter.
From school-induced insomnia.

I am from the wind
In my hair.
Stars above my head.
Children in my classroom.

I am from England-so far away, and yet so near.
I am from Doctor Who and Sherlock.
My inspirations.

I am from Sobahn.
My friend I have never seen.

I am from swinging into the lake from a tire swing and a zip-line.
Dogs.
Stray cats.
Army games.

I am from fake battles and singing hymns in the shade of the hot summer day.
I am from Christian and Kira.
From red paint on the pavement-lying to me, telling me it is blood.

I am from my childhood.
I wish I could go back there.

I am from home.

Can I ask you a question?
Are you sure that you’re ok?

Are you sure you’re not fighting a battle,
that goes on day by day?

Your answer always seems to be the same,
“I’m telling you, I’m fine”

Always followed by the same sentence,
“Can you not see that my life is full of sunshine?”

I try to believe you,
I swear I do

But deep down under,
I can’t help but question if it’s really true.

I see you in the the hallways,
always laughing with your friends

Do they even seem to realize,
That you are one step closer to causing your own end?

I can’t help but worry,
I can’t help but think

If all the **** that you deal with,
Makes you feel like life stinks.

Everyone calls you a hero,
Everyone calls you their idol

Do they ever stop and think,
That you might be suicidal?

No. Of course they don’t,
Because you always put on a show

You tell yourself that you’ll do what it takes,
to ensure that they’ll never know.

You know that you can’t hide forever,
But that doesn’t stop you from trying.

You never had the choice to not be the strong one,
But that doesn’t keep you from crying.

It’s okay my child,
All will be good.

You say that you don’t believe me,
But I knew you never would.

You walk around,
Always showing your happy face

You try so hard not to show your flaws,
The ones you desperately try to erase

For years now,
It’s always been the same

Trying to keep your chin up,
Not trying to show the shame

I tell you that it’s okay to let go,
You tell yourself it’s not

You say that this is what you deserve,
That this on yourself you’ve brought

I tell you once, I tell you twice,
That this is not the way it is

You look the other way and whisper under your breath,
“This is my problem. Not yours nor his.”

I tried to be there for you,
Giving you a shoulder on which to cry

But you always turned the other way,
Always asking why, why, why?

The simplest of questions,
That you are still to answer honest

Has the power to make you feel uneasy,
It makes you feel the smallest

I will try not once, not twice,
But as many times as it takes

To get you to reveal yourself,
To get you to ease on the brakes

So once again,
I’ll try to say

Are you sure you’re alright?
Are you sure you’re okay?

She had warmth in her heart.
He loved playing with fire.
Stirring up her world,
He would come and go as he desired.
He understood very little that her perfect glass world
would fall apart with his slightest touch.

From the broken pieces that remained
She started building a world for herself again.
Only this time with a thicker glass.
He breathed out.
Her world was a house of cards.
It collapsed onto the ground.

She collected all the cards.
And dreamed of a perfect house.
This time,she built it with iron bars.
It was a cage that she built for herself,
He locked her in.

She had long forgotten of freedom.
With whatever was left of her independence
She tried to build a house again.

When he went there
There was no house
She was lying on the ground.
She fought her own battles now.
*The strongest house yet.

I don't want to listen to your ******* today
'Cos you never really have anything good to say
Empathy is dying away
Free to judge and to abdicate
You’re just hiding behind cruel words
That wont ever get you anywhere

Every one is walking around at night
Trying to find their own piece of sunlight
Shady figures roaming the alley way
Just trying to survive the day
Always under constant judgment
By people who don't know them

All the agreements you've made
To everything that they've said
Have seem to found a way
Deep inside
To brake the pride you once held on to

Don't include me in your bitter battle
Of Politic, gender, religion and orientation
‘Cos I’m getting a headache
Just trying to fix my mistakes
It really is a shame
When humans act inhumane

https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/bitter-battles

You think that she is fragile
                                                  Innocent
Becau­se you can see her every
                                                    Action
­You see through her every
                                                       Lie
Into what you think is the
                                                    True
girl.
So you
                                                   Shield
her from lies and horror,
Because she is too
                                                Breakable
Becaus­e she is too thin
Because she is            
            Glass

But you have no idea how she started out.
She has
                                                  Battled
more than you
And tasted her share of
                                                        Fire
She­ burned and got
                                                   Burned
In a blazing fire of lies
She turned from soft sand
Into hardened
            Glass

You think that she is breakable
And
                                                          Clear
to you
Because you can see through her
But if you don't know
The pain and price it
                                                      Cost
To become what she is
Then it doesn't matter
That you can see through
Since you can't see in.

You may think you are
                                                Invincible
But that girl is
                       Glass

Freedom, so sweet.
If only I could grasp you,
if only you were near.

My demons attack me,
spilling crimson blood.
I'm losing the battle,
fear consuming me.

I don't want to hurt anyone,
I really don't.
Everyone else,
deserves better than me.

Can you please go away?
Leave this war to me.
May I just go?
Or must I plead?

Over and over,
memories again.
Over and over,
on rerun.

My head turns away,
my demons to fearful to look at.
I ignore them,
just as they destroy me.

I reconstruct,
build my life again,
only to have to taken,
only to have it destroyed.

I hate this life,
but I'll wait for the next.
I'm not going to die,
no, not yet.

I've always contested this theory of time.
This counting of sands in hourglass bottles.
They always said time was in our hands.
But I didn't mind because the sun always rose, always set.
I never yearned to stop it. I never yearned to stay.
Until I met you.
Until I found myself in your arms in the morning till dawn
and it never felt long enough.
Until the words that made me melt into puddles formed time tables that showed a past moment I never wanted to escape from.
From the falling of snow, to the falling of leaves.
The hands on clocks were slowly gripping us by the shoulders;
tearing us apart.
Wars with the one thing we couldn't defeat.
Until kisses could hold time for a moment, we could never get enough.
Inserting coins into machines so that maybe hope
could fall out of the slot into our empty palms.
Once the days got shorter as the air grew cold,
we had to dig up for good memories to keep us holding.
Your skin had already been traced by my fingers,
your lips had already been pressed into mine.
there was nothing keeping us together other than not wanting
to wake up alone at the sound of beeping alarms.
To wake up calls tellings us that life doesn't stop for anyone.
The cold coffee that tastes as bitter as remembering the battle with passing minutes.
Some battles are meant to be lost.
We lost this one, we were left with learnt lessons.
I never bargained for lessons in the first place, I wanted to be left with you.
Wars are temporary. We we're supposed to be forever.
But once again, forever is controlled by ticking hands.
And ours were never strong enough to resist it.

Your heart's on fire,
your attributes I admire
I used to be 'factionless' 'til you became my home
and you're beautiful, I wish you knew it..
Fight even when you're wounded,
Do what it takes to push you through this

And when we hug don't let go,
Not until I can hear your thoughts
I wish I could make things better,
but all I know is how to string some words together
.. Don't let hope go, not during this war,
No, fight even when you're wounded,
Use your Courage as your sword.