my soul aches again as another unsteady sorrow slowly moves through my veins
I have welcomed another poison yet again
the chalice filled with despair
will forever entice me
an unyielding hands tips it against my lips
the cursed glass meets my mouth
and a drop of that toxic spill slithers down my throat
it’s rancid taste should repulse me
the horrid bitterness and burning brings tears to my eyes
but I can’t refuse this goblet of misery
for I am an addict

-So what do you feel?

I just can’t get rid of this feeling lodged so deep inside of me, which tells me that:
“I need to be seen as someone in front of people’s eyes”
It’s unfathomable. It’s too difficult. It’s beyond me.
Like a black cloud it’s hovering on top of me.

-What are your thoughts right now?

Time is ticking away and all I seem to realize is that,
“Life is getting harder than what I have ever previously thought”.
You have to decide right now, whichever way you need to go.

-And, what are your options?

You either choose to stop whining, quit complaining,
Sit your *** down and get to work in order to,
Achieve your dreams, improve yourself, and actualize your potential
And fulfill your destiny or,

-Or?

You get comfortable with who you are, what you have,
What you do and where you are and that’s it.
It’s your choice to make.

-Exactly. Thank you very much. That’ll do for today.

I have never felt more alone
than I do
wrapped in your cold embrace.

My love is not yours
I lust for you to be my sun
And I your moon
I want you to say to me
I love you
Man and woman together as one
Always
But it is a dream
A lie
You will not fall in my arms
It is me who is crying like a mad and frantic storm
Screaming and shaking
Delirious
These are the visions of sadness

As I walk in the sunset,
Through silent, empty streets.
They peer through their
Windows.

People are afraid of me.

The virus has arrived
This newest of disease,
And with it comes the worst
Of humanity.

"Stay away from him.
He's Asian. They have
That coronavirus."

First off, I'm American.
I have to live here, too.
And yes, I'm scared,  I am.

I swear,  I'm just like you.

But don't look at me different.
Don't walk across the street.
Don't lift up your collar or
Tighten your mask
When I smile and wave to greet.

I am human. Not a monster.
I am not your disease.
Don't blame me for the mistakes
Of man.
I'm just trying to be me.

I just want to believe...

Do you ever just have those moments
When your heart turns black and rots
Your mind gets high on the angst
The suffering is all you need
And you want it... more of it
Listen to gruesome, terrible songs
Sounds of screaming and pain
Loss and grief wrap you like a blanket
It hurts but you’re at home
It’s dangerous but you feel safe
And then the moments come more often
Blurring into days... weeks...
Until you’ve lived in your agony for months
Begging for something more
Tell me a story
Tell me of death and tragedy
Tell me of self destruction
It’s addicting to me

She let the tiny pieces of paper under her tongue
Bring her closer to a temporary euphoria,
But reality hits when the ego rises from the ashes
And her sweet trip is over.

i love you,
i want you,
but i can't have you.

a pillow is something i can lean on
suddenly, my favorite song played
i hugged my pillow
pouring all my strength in it
not realizing how many tears
i had let out

"i give up... i g-give up"
i repeated
tears continues to ran down
"i hate this... i hate this feeling-"
a scream echoed in an empty room
a scream of a sad
and lonely little girl...