****** my cheddar
Give it a squeeze
Taste is bitter
On my knees

Blow the chunks
In huge hunks
Oil it
In the toilet

The porcelain
feels cool
On my face

Not done with this race

Round two
Time to spew
Do not try
heave it dry

No one there
To lift my hair
I don't care
Life's not fair

Trobbing pain
In my brain
Yes I'm sane
Sugar cane

One more round
Chug it down
I can drive
Won't survive

Watch the news
Drowned in *****
Now you see me
Now you see me

Draggéd into this hole
That temporarily makes
All the empty whole
Celebrating without cakes
Alone in drunken sorrow
Who's tears may I borrow?

Someday far away
Before I'm old and grey
I'll be alright again
For seeing you means less pain

Nectar of the grape
Anesthetizing myself
Emptying bottles

who comes
home every
day, dives
straight into
a tall amber
bottle, falls
into a stonewalled
well of silence,
a place where he can tread
the suffocating loneliness.
on the surface, he’s a proud
man. but just beneath his not-
so- thick skin, is a broken soul.
in his courtroom, he’s a tough
but evenheaded jurist, respected
if not particularly well liked. at
home, he doesn’t try to disguise his
bad habits, has no friends, a tattered
family. a part of me despised him,
what he’s done. what he continues
to do. another part pities him and
will always be his little girl, his
devoted, copper-haired daughter.
his unfolding flower.

I couldn’t possibly die today
I haven’t given Dr. Itoh his keys back
Or read the book he told me to
I have not smelled the November sunflowers
Or gone to that concert
That plays in the beginning of October
Live reggae
I could live a little longer for that
I still owe Kevin ramen
And I still owe my sister a visit
In her hometown
Next month
To see the stars far away from city lights
I could stay another month
For the stars
And my sister
I haven’t shared my novel
Or poems
I think someone might like them
And if not, at least
Someone could understand
Where it went wrong
Someone could understand why
I drink for my happiness
And sleep for my sanity

There’s an “e” in your name.
2. It’s also composes a syllable of it.
3. Things will always empty, no matter what. Even bottles, for example. Especially ones that contained alcohol. You seemed to enjoy emptying those quite a lot.
4. Once, I emptied a pen of it’s ink while writing about you.
5. There is no “e” in my first name, but you pronounced it as if there was, replacing the first “a” with an “e”.
6. I always, and still do, get annoyed whenever people mispronounce my name, but never when you did it. I always knew that you were the one calling it. You were the one thing I was always sure of.
7. The other night, I tried to think of other things that started with “e” and “a”. I found “always” and “eventually”. Just as you substituted the “e” for the “a”, we substituted “always” for “eventually”.
8. Or maybe it could stand for “eventually an alcoholic”?
9. I just wish that you could have emptied your heart out to us just as easily as you could empty a bottle down your throat.
10. Ever since you told us that you drove home drunk I’ve been thinking about writing an eulogy.
11. Please don’t make me write one. Not while we’re so young.
12. Eventually, everything expires, like our patience, our vitality, and our days.
13. You haven’t spoken to anyone in months, and I don’t know how to reach you, or if you even want me to. When I saw your mother this past October, I wanted to ask her if she knew had badly you had been struggling, but I didn’t because I know that you would have hated me for it. There was a reason you had tried to keep your addiction a secret.
14. The letter “e” is the most used letter in the alphabet. How can you ask me to forget you when nearly every word I write has a trace of you in it?
15. I would never pick up a pen again if it meant that I could hear you mispronounce my name one more time.

I wanna fall over and roll around,
In all the broken pieces of myself,
I want to feel that pain all over again,
So I know not to let you in again,
Because you broke my heart once,
You broke my heart twice,
And now it'd be shame on me,
If I let you in to see,
All the shattered pieces you left,
Before you got up and left,
Me here to rot for eternity,
In the pain of your indecency,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart,

So have mercry on my bruised soul,
And stay away like you should,
Please don't answer my pleading messages,
To come back to me, cause I can't learn my lesson,
That once your heart is broke once,
Then your heart is broken twice,
Well then it's my fault,
That I can't seem to get enough,
Be the person I need you to be,
That you could have been,
But weren't because we're both so selfish,
So let's take our love, and shelf it,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart.