I couldn’t possibly die today
I haven’t given Dr. Itoh his keys back
Or read the book he told me to
I have not smelled the November sunflowers
Or gone to that concert
That plays in the beginning of October
Live reggae
I could live a little longer for that
I still owe Kevin ramen
And I still owe my sister a visit
In her hometown
Next month
To see the stars far away from city lights
I could stay another month
For the stars
And my sister
I haven’t shared my novel
Or poems
I think someone might like them
And if not, at least
Someone could understand
Where it went wrong
Someone could understand why
I drink for my happiness
And sleep for my sanity

There’s an “e” in your name.
2. It’s also composes a syllable of it.
3. Things will always empty, no matter what. Even bottles, for example. Especially ones that contained alcohol. You seemed to enjoy emptying those quite a lot.
4. Once, I emptied a pen of it’s ink while writing about you.
5. There is no “e” in my first name, but you pronounced it as if there was, replacing the first “a” with an “e”.
6. I always, and still do, get annoyed whenever people mispronounce my name, but never when you did it. I always knew that you were the one calling it. You were the one thing I was always sure of.
7. The other night, I tried to think of other things that started with “e” and “a”. I found “always” and “eventually”. Just as you substituted the “e” for the “a”, we substituted “always” for “eventually”.
8. Or maybe it could stand for “eventually an alcoholic”?
9. I just wish that you could have emptied your heart out to us just as easily as you could empty a bottle down your throat.
10. Ever since you told us that you drove home drunk I’ve been thinking about writing an eulogy.
11. Please don’t make me write one. Not while we’re so young.
12. Eventually, everything expires, like our patience, our vitality, and our days.
13. You haven’t spoken to anyone in months, and I don’t know how to reach you, or if you even want me to. When I saw your mother this past October, I wanted to ask her if she knew had badly you had been struggling, but I didn’t because I know that you would have hated me for it. There was a reason you had tried to keep your addiction a secret.
14. The letter “e” is the most used letter in the alphabet. How can you ask me to forget you when nearly every word I write has a trace of you in it?
15. I would never pick up a pen again if it meant that I could hear you mispronounce my name one more time.

I wanna fall over and roll around,
In all the broken pieces of myself,
I want to feel that pain all over again,
So I know not to let you in again,
Because you broke my heart once,
You broke my heart twice,
And now it'd be shame on me,
If I let you in to see,
All the shattered pieces you left,
Before you got up and left,
Me here to rot for eternity,
In the pain of your indecency,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart,

So have mercry on my bruised soul,
And stay away like you should,
Please don't answer my pleading messages,
To come back to me, cause I can't learn my lesson,
That once your heart is broke once,
Then your heart is broken twice,
Well then it's my fault,
That I can't seem to get enough,
Be the person I need you to be,
That you could have been,
But weren't because we're both so selfish,
So let's take our love, and shelf it,

Because I got high on you,
And now that my fix is gone,
I'd do anything for another hit,
Even shatter my already broken heart.

Tastes good, doesn't it?
The fire burns your throat
as you chug a shot down.
The taste ain't sweet,
but the feeling sure is.
The drunker you get,
the higher you float.

"Can life always feel this good?"
The answer's no,
but you refuse to accept it.

Travis and Charlie were the best of
friends,
They shared the interest of Fireball and Gin.
They adored dressing up in alleyways and pretend,
That they were Princes and the next of Kin.

Travis fell putrid with the nullifying of his Liver,
He tried to Coax the Prince but he chucked.
The Prince turned his back on Travis' Treason River,
Lost himself in the memories in a bottle corrupt.

The tragic dismay that followed suit,
Electrified junkies and liars alike too.
Travis dressed up in his Sunday best;
To see his once best friend laid to rest.

Next time I hope you bite your tongue
To save you from making yourself look like a fool
Because I wasn't the one to drink my self stupid tonight
I wasn't the one to ignore my child's problem for an overpriced drink
No, I'm sorry can you hold
Your hands
Cause all my life
I was told never bite the hand that feeds
But the thing is that was never the case
You don't feed
Your hands are to busy
Sending messages that make no sense
Incoherent
To busy flicking a light to pollute the lungs
To busy cracking a can to poison your
Liver
No your hands  were too busy to feed
Because while I was alone hopeless and crying because a  illness in which you neglect
You were out drinking and celebrating
"Hey we made it to today, now let's poison ourselves more"
See your freshly polished fingernails
And heavy ice wrist
Weren't made for feeding
So I'll bite your hands
Because there always busy doing something that doesn't involve me
Your child
Your only daughter
I am the one who locks myself in my room
I am the one who cries and thinks
"I'm not enough, I'll never be enought"
While you drink
And you smoke
And to put it simply
While you make your insides rot faster
No your hands were to busy trying to care for yourself
Your lousy self
Now your hungover and those small sounds I make
Make you scream and shout
"Shut up, be quite"
I'm sorry I haven't ate all day to busy chasing thoughts that swarm in my head
"It's not my fault you don't eat"
Really, cause I see that Chinese two boxes, none for me
Yet here I am trying to eat
I'm sorry I'm a basic ******* human being
Who needs **** like shelter and food
Just to ******* live
And your to busy supporting bad habits to even
Provide basic **** for me
And to me
An alcoholic doesn't exist
At least not with parents
An alcoholic is a person who's love for alcohol stems far greater than the love for their child.