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Like a bird with broken wings,
I look on with eyes full of envy
as all those around me take flight.
Held down by my own chains,
Left alone, aside from the emptiness;
The hollow realization
That something is missing,
But never knowing the slightest sense
Of what that something is.
being an addict, seeing all of my friends and family and everyone around me live a complete and full life without drugs. Watching them graduate, get a good job , get promotions, buy a house, get married, and im just watching from the sidelines. Jealous of their wholeness, of their success , their sobriety . The feeling of isolation my entire life bc im not and never have been like them. Unable to even imagine what it might be like living the sober successful life like the one Ive been told is possible. I have no idea where I would even start. The countless times I’ve sent myself to detox , rehab, tried to do the twelve steps , going through the motions, doing every thing that I’m told, without the slightest change to the addict inside me. but I will keep trying
Bile Addict
The truth comes out like stomach acid
burning the whole way up.
Needed and sometimes even wanted.
None the less still painful.
Still burning in your throat and in my ears.
A part of me feels like you hope this is my final straw and that I will finally throw in the towel.
A part of me was hoping that too, my Sweet.
Instead I take that straw to my nose
I use it to do a big ol line of the vile truth
while I push past the pain of the drip and the foul taste of your words
I try not to let you see the salty tears forming in my eyes.
I fold the towel you wish I would throw,
as perfect as I can
I walk to the closet that has the least amount of skeletons to put it away.
I don't have enough spine to declutter closets today.
Today Im no better than you.
I lie to myself and convince myself you could someday care, so that I can stomach
the urge I have to lie next to you.
Blue Flask Mar 29
45 degrees to the left on a two lane road
Would stop the screaming
Stomach no longer boiling in its own acid
Just drowning in black coffee and take out
Sweat no longer leaving a cartoon outline on the sheets
Just need a cool ring pressed against my palate
They said it would be cheaper
Coffee quickly out spends the rot gut
Staring through gleaming glasses
Rather than the amber round, looking up
Smiling and swirling around
A dancer in the dark
My own symphony
Playing for me, just me
As I shake shake shake
It was always either the DTs or the cold
A ***** soaked cocoon of the moth I am now
Not right
Never quite
Roll the dice
Let the monthly chips fall where they may
Collect like them a thousand purple hearted liver spots
Build a castle of coins
Circular towers, thrown stones in miller’s glass lighthouse
Addict yourself to getting better
Its the only way forward
Even when you are being pulled backwards
Annie Feb 12
Blood, more blood
On the walls
The door

What you see is rusted blood stains
I see the flashbacks
Of myself,
Injecting poison
Thinking it’ll save me from my demons

You see sickening red colour,
I see my struggle
I see the girl swaying in thin air,
Trying not to fall, trying not to collapse

I see the arms with blood running down them,
I hear the muffled screams, “Help me, someone?”
Oh what a sight, that I can’t un-see now
She’s falling, hitting her head on the floor

Is she brainsick?
To yet put herself in this mess again
Overdosing like it’s a candy you can’t resist

Oh but, she’s only a human,
Trying to survive, trying not to die of emotions
Trying to let go of traumas she can’t forget
She’s only a girl
She’s only a human
She’s not a monster
JA Perkins Aug 2024
"It's a scam!" I said
before I fled,
as I sacked up all
the lady's bread.
And the *** made out
with all her stuff
having pointed out
the Kettle's bluff..
The Obvious Kettle
and The Self-righteous ***
Àŧùl May 2024
I met a friendly woman at the college,
She sat in the entrance gallery west of the labs.
I said, "Hello, may I know your identity," with a smile,
And her lips spread to a mile.
She said, "Hello, I'm here on my job,"
Little did I know that blowing was her job.

Anyway, I started telling her about myself,
And as a loner with an infrequent *****,
I respect and I know myself a lot.

When she sat in rapt attention for me,
Listening to my breath between the words,
And my gaze often slid down her face.

There they sat elegantly and imposingly,
Two cute babies, a picture of them, actually,
In a picture printed on the ***** of her shirt,
And I asked about them curiously.

She said, "They are my nephew and niece,"
"Both are twins and each weighs 7 kilograms,"
And looked for validation, "Aren't they both so nice?"

I nodded in agreement saying, "Definitely,"
And I continued, "I want to play with them both."

She said, "I know that you fell in love with them,"
Now she continued with another broad smile,
"You are welcome to play with both of them,"

I asked, "Are they with you?"
She laughed shortly and said,
"They always remain with me."

Puzzled, I said, "What?"
My jaw remained hung open in astonishment.

She put her finger under my chin,
Then shut my mouth to say,
"Don't act like an innocent kid,"
And she continued,
"I like you, and I want you,
Come in the morning,
We'll have a lot of fun,
And I'll blow my favourite toy,
Before both of us go for a movie."
My HP Poem #1967
©Atul Kaushal
Jeremy Betts Apr 2024
A brain like mine, the brain of an addict, can justify anything
Drumming up excuses that defy reasoning
Connecting dots with miles of red string
Coming to conclusions that are baffling
"The problem was this here faulty Icarus wing"
"Setting me up for failure back when I was seventeen"
Not the fact of the constant nosediving
Bracing for impact, the anticipations paralyzing
It was easier to hide it in the begining
Can't hide it now, so let's call it ageing
The lack of a fatal crash is a bit puzzling
No complaining
It's just surprising
Kinda thought I'd be death defying
'Till I became stuck in the sky flying high,
Ignoring every warning
Didn't think it possible to hit the ground running
But now I'm panicking
I didn't plan for a second half, that fact is terrifying
Far scarier than any thought of dying
I wish I was lying

©2024
Heavy Hearted Jan 2024
Here I sit
In this basement of
some other house
In the core of the city-
I'm almost on my own...
This January's night
Flashes frozen-
As I adicite, light
I see all that I've chosen:

perturbation, and frustration,
Entwine in all my fascination
Stinging- they whip my body &
paint on lacerations

What you've chosen I cannot see
And the light I catch redefines me
Shadows ignite
That December's day
Reminds me I'm not alone.
In the outskirts of Toronto-
In my Parents home-
My room, my bed - my life's in
The basement

its there; I cry.
A ustin
L ucie
O verwhelming
N othingness
E ncapsulates
She hears muffled cries of her children
The sight of her children’s pain is blurred
Her voice bubbles when she speaks
Her hands sink deeper when she attempts to help
Her sobriety only lasts for a blink of an eye.
Is she a mother?

His lungs are full when his children’s belly grow empty
His children are lost behind his toxic exhale
His presence robs his children’s pockets
His absence fills their hearts with misery
Is he a father?


Her scars don’t itch when soaked  in ***
But her children drown with them
His fears can’t grow behind the  vapour
But he himself can’t breath neither
Her dreams are shattered
His heart is weary
Their children are cut from their bruised hands
SquidInk Sep 2023
dr!nking, sm0king, v@ping
to stop myself from breaking
my mind is in denial
of the toll that this is taking
this isn’t who i want to be
this person that i’m shaping
this version isn’t who i am
the monster i’m creating
my mind is somewhere in the clouds
my dreams are quickly fading
i need to take care of myself
but death is sat there waiting

if i sleep the day away
my world might just stop shaking
but no amount of sleep could ever
fix this kind of aching
🌬️
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