I used to see the world
in shades of black and blue.
Like the imprint of hands,
like the image of my bruised skin.

The flashes of pain,
blindingly white
behind my eyelids,
shut tight.

I shut my eyes as tightly
as you gripped my wrist.
Trying to block out the pain,
as you tugged me along.

My eyes were still ******* shut
when you slammed my head against
the picture frame, cracking
in tandem with my broken heart.

I remember hot breath on my neck,
whispering.
"You're mine" is supposed to be endearing,
right?

You love me
you love me
you loved me,
right?

Turn down the lights
It's too bright
I cannot see any faces
Just shadows looking up on me
Take me down the stage
I don't like the feeling
Standing alone on spotlight
I'm lonely

I thought my heart was dead.
That I couldn’t feel affection for anyone,
not after everything he had done to me.

But then you came into my life,
so suddenly, I couldn’t see it coming.
I didn’t expect to like you.

I told myself I wouldn’t, or couldn’t, care for you.
You aren’t mine.
I don’t even know if you’re interested.

But thank you for reviving a part of myself
I thought I’d never see again.
Even if this is only a crush,

I’m glad my first was on you.

In a moment,
I saw anger flash behind your eyes,
and you grabbed me.
As if to shake all of the feelings you were feeling
into my being.
And as quickly as you let your fingers sink into my skin,
you stopped.
Because you knew.
You knew that if you continued,
your father would have been reborn.
Into your fingertips.
And you have always sworn that you would never become your father.

You gave me silken scarves and solitude
To weave my own bindings
You gave me surpluses of satin
Bandages for skin you broke
You gave me Swarovski accessories
As if it excused your absences
You gave me smooth apologies
A salve to my twisted fingers

I guess I find I'm not surprised
That all your words were filled with lies.
I just thought that you were perfect;
All this time that I deserved it.

All this time I pined for you;
And you didn't even love me true.
I had to find out about you secondhand,
and the taste of your specific brand.

I thought it would be shocking
to hear that you were **** talking.
Anxious about feeling the fury,
but all it did was humor me.

I don't feel anything anymore.
Anger, sadness, rage, all out the door.
It's not because I'm cold hearted.
It's just that now my heart's departed.

Broken, ******, battle scars;
Clearly we're not in the stars.
I will never love again,
For fear that they'll all be the same.

****. I can't believe I made it,
my peace every night I prayed for it.
Yeah I was in love I thought I found the one,
Until the day came where I was completely done.
When the love stopped and the hate just begun.
Man I begged for the light I cried for my sanity,
I looked for the confidence I no longer had within me.
Blood drippin on the floor,
just hoping I could make it to the door,
Scars left inside that I just can't ignore.
They expect you to get over it fast,
but on god they don't know my past,
I really thought we was supposed to last.
They say when they show you who they are believe them the first time,
But I would shake it off and say I'm fine.
I'm not okay I'm not alright,
I never won cause I didn't wanna fight.
Most times I gave up just so you can be right.
****..
What happened to me??
Where accepting abuse was okay to me?
Where being myself was no longer allowed for me?
**** who am I supposed to be?
How did I get to a spot where I lost all reality?
****..
It's like it came to you almost naturally.
How could I be so blind,
How was it so easy for you to loose your mind,
.. ****..
I guess your love was never really mine.
I played the fool to your messed up game,
Never again will I fall in love the same.

I wonder if the person inside is still there,
I wonder if they still care.
Does she still love..?
Does she still speak to the man above...?
Is she just as alone ? Or has her heart turned to stone?  

Questions.
Their confusing, answers change.  Questions.
Mostly amusing, mostly strange.

They take your mental to hell.
I wonder what will break the spell..?
Love, was it real? Was It fake?
Im not sure how much of this I can take.
Are you safe? Are you okay?
Do you struggle through the night to  last another day?  
Each night, where is it that you lay your head?
Each night, Is someone else besides me, holding you instead?
Do you cry for me? Do you still feel the love from when we used to "be"?
No longer are we a "We". That is killing me, can't anyone see?

Questions.
Nothings Changed my answers are still the same..
Do you agree or was I just a piece of the game?

I ask the man above,
That one day he'll bring me back your love.
I'm tired of all these questions with no answers to 'em.
**** I miss you, I'm back to old surroundings, I ain't accustomed to 'em.
Waking up not to feel your arms wrapped around me..
Going to bed without hearing your voice speaking you love me.
If the situation was different, would we still be together, going strong?
Will our love continue to grow and move along?
Or did it end just the same? With the sad love song..?
I dunno where to go I dunno who to trust.
Your the only one I want and without you I feel my heart about to bust.
I need to hear your voice as I did before.
I need to feel your touch, that still to this day, I adore.
I love you and I dont take that lightly.
I wont speak the words loosely  and letting go is highly unlikely.
Im loosing my mind...
I refuse to believe your love wasnt mine.
One day you will feel it.
One day you will see it,
One day you will know that we can still be it.
We can still be us you just have to come back.
I'll provide you the things you now lack.
I would bring you the world just to put the smile on your face.
Since you been gone I promise noone has taken your place.
Noone has been in your space.
I'm writing you a poem with the question in my head,
Wondering if your alive or dead..?

My mind, my enemy, feel my worry, feel me...

Im standing on a ledge,
Nothin blocking the edge.
My emotions run so deep,
all I want is sleep.
Sick stomach, head pounding.
I feel myself drifting, I need some grounding.
Will you come back?
I wish I knew where you was at..
Questions with no answers its still mind-blowing.
After its said and done, My love, I'm still not tired of showing.
Come back to me.. I promise you will see..
I am still the person you wanted me to be.
Do you feel me?