i'd write your name in my skin
i'd hold my breath and never give in
you'd pick a fight just so you could win
i don't want to love you, i don't want to let you in
i'm malleable, you're manipulative.

i'd write your name in my flesh
you laugh at me and all your mess
you see everyone as breakable test
     (and you saw me as less)

icanfeeltheburnofeverykiss
andyourcheekburnsatrenchinmyche­st

i dropped everything, everyone, all for you
i thought i was blinded by light, but i was blinded by you
the center grew dark and i lost my way
if it were so soon, i'd crawl back on my knees
i'd forget what i had lost, i'd forget what i had seen

butnowi'mdrainedfromthedrug
andnowi'mclean

If some of you wonder why I didn't just leave, I need you to hear this.
I told him to leave my house, he refused. If I tried to call someone he would take my phone. If I tried to leave he would block the door.

Why didn't I just ask for help? Oh I did. My mom thinks it's my fault and my friends just ignore those texts; they'll answer any other messages I send them, but not the ones begging for help.

He told me not to tell my therapist, but even when I try she tells me it's just a hard time and we will get through it.

I have given up even trying to leave. I will just deal with this. I can't get out on my own and I have no help. Everyone is okay with seeing me like this. So I guess I just won't make a fuss about it anymore.

Don't you dare blame it on me. I did everything that people tell you to when you're in a situation like mine.

"Why didn't you just leave him?"
Why didn't you help me?

The things he said hurt her terribly,
His words cut like knives,
But she wasn't allowed to scream
Because then people would see what was happening,
And they would know how terrible he was.  
No punches were thrown, no slaps were
Necessary to bruise her heart.  
Now with every beat her heart grows weaker.  
Her mind weakens with it thinking,
“What if he says it again, what if he hurts me again?  
What if it turns physical?”
She doesn't trust him, doesn't love him
The same way she used to.  
Her heart is damaged, and his words now have
Done too much damage for him to fix it.  
So she must find another, one who has
The capability of fixing her heart without hurting it more, someone with the true skills of a surgeon.  
She finds him, and grows to love him,
This one who has mended and enhanced her heart
In ways she cannot explain, but
She is not destined to be with him,
As her lover drags her back to the
Dark recesses of her mind where
She grows to hate herself because of his hurtful words.  
She prays that one day that
She will have the courage to break out of the cycle
And keep her heart intact and whole;
The way it was supposed to be.

I sat on the edge of the lake
on the biggest rock by the shore.
Midnight was the clock,
starry the sky,
frozen was the earth.
I looked up from below and saw Orion's Belt.
The stars on his hilt,
to the twinkling lights of his bow.
I could see them.
I could see all of them.
In that moment, I remembered something.
A poem he said he'd written
for me.
He'd called it Orion's Belt.
I remember what it was like
to be his,
but I remember so much else now.
He's a liar.
How much of what he told her
was true?
All of it?
Maybe;
none of it.

--J

Yet another day I can't go outside,
The walls closing in, my tears like the tide,
Plotting during day, crying during night,
How much longer must I put up this fight?
I must find a way to escape his wrath,
Marriage was obviously the wrong path,
During day work or during his night bath,
I'll sprint out the house, but I must run fast.
-       -       -       -       -       -       -       -       -       -
The door squeaked as I quickly closed the door,
Key in ignition, the engine did roar,
Quick prayer to God, then pressed pedal to floor,
This evil mans wrath I shall feel no more,
I realized I had nowhere to go,
As I drove in silence, through the thick snow,
I decided to turn around and drove,
To the only place I ever did know.

You killed me.
You killed me, the night I went off to your house, not knowing what was awaiting me.
You killed me, the moment you asked how my day was and told me that you missed me.
You killed me, the moment we started smoking on your roof and you leaned towards me.
You killed, me the moment you started kissing me, even though I told you not to.
You killed me, the moment your ***** hands started grabbing my body and you tried to take my clothes off.
I was begging you to stop ...
The only thing I can remember is your heavy breathing and your weight burying me into the ground.
The rest of me is dead.
You killed me.

I’m addicted to my bad boy
like a druggie snorting on crack.
Bad boy- my succulent junk food.

Toxic love dark as chocolate black,
you do more harm than good.
This attraction is not healthy.

There is a strange dopamine hit,
though I’m discarded like a used toy-
I chase the thrill for him to commit.

Abusive and brazenly rude,
smugness as fat as greasy cheese,
his hurtful bites leave me hungry.

Shame clogs in cholesterol plaque-
infecting ailing arteries;
I’m going to have a heart attack!

Bad boy, why do I crave such ******?

(c) 2019 Jo Swan