this year... has been odd.
we’ve met some people we loved but crashed. the right people found us but crashed. this year is like fast cars chasing real roads. it’s superficial and fragile yet.... annoyingly honest.

of wrong people right destination. of right people wrong destination.

of two hearts that are struggling to beat the same. or a new heart stated his love in the name of God but is scared of the air he’s breathing.

i don’t know what His intention is for bringing human-kind a legendary debt within a year.
but i think it’s because my faith was once weak. or so i thought it was strong. He asked for a more faithful heart. that the only right time is to make time, and the only answer is to believe in vulnerability.

so many questions need to be answered. and so many prayers are being postponed.
but if it’s a matter of faith, then i’m here with Jeremiel as my lover. i’m not taking any less until he strong enough to let me be on my own first, and let the rest handle after spending the best.

a lot of healing needed to be done.
this year, is about growth in the uncomfortable intersections.
but those who see,
find their way.

Birds are singing as they narrate people grinning,
The sky is blue and starred at night
We are done with the wrongs and now focus on the right
Days are spent doing nothing and life occurs without a plan
No more flames when leaving that metaphorical pan
Ice caps are freezing and ozones are healing
Oh, Utopia

Defined as a place of non existence by the Greek,
Our ancestors would marvel to see us actualising our peak.
With each new generation not being as good as the last,
We strived to be better until hate is a thing of the past.
Oh, Utopia

The world has not always been the paradise it is right now
It has suffered quite a bit! Sit back, relax and let me show you how:
Dictators, dating apps, disease and  dabbing...
Depression, **** picks, dress size and *** grabbing...
Distant difficulties discriminating daily
Diligent defenders demonstrating plainly
All demanding democracies finally decide on the eternal debate.
Watching Parliamentary playgrounds leaves me feeling rather irate.
We have overcome all these and finally arrived at our destination.
A cohesive existence founded upon the pillar of cooperation.
Oh, Utopia

The journey to our present was the present of automation.
Competition for resources died with the wealth's excommunication.
Our time became our own to pursue whatever we pleased.
Now for everyone, the day is ready to be seized.
Our evolutionary struggles all extinct, our troubles all gone.
Perhaps now is the time to be happy? Time to move on.
Oh, Utopia

No more fornicating over Instagram and insecurity
No more toxic masculinity and finally some male maturity
No more measuring our success by how high a like button can count.
No more choosing our partner from the size of their banking account
No more candid masks worn by a big green beast
The vanity of man all buried and deceased
No more celebrating the ****** exposure of a love island fool
Finally we are being creative and using our brain as a tool
Oh, Utopia

However, this bliss is not what it seems and all is not well.
For Winge-ing, moaning and groaning are as ingrained as the DNA in our cell.
Having no problems is quite a bad situation
As we thrive on challenges from the dawn of creation
You see humans are hole diggers and nothing is ever enough
We are addicted to trouble and finding the diamond in the rough
Oh, Utopia

There is still so much to see and to learn
A fact that fills me with equal hope and concern
Until we learn to change ourselves and gain some sanity
The world will continue to be as it alway has been, ashamed of its own humanity.

Oh, Dystopia

Why did it have to happen
What is it , I am supposed to learn from it ?
If my life wasn't perfect already
Well now it's gone to ****
Walking around with a mask on
What used to be me
My uniqueness
What's that ?
No hugs Stay away
No going out
No rock concerts
That was what keep me alive
That's what made it worth it ..
Not alone sheltered from living and laughing
Being with others
Going places
Enjoying being alive
Enjoying the beauty of nature
That's living
Talk about depression
I wonder why keep living
Alone and Depressed
I wonder why ?
What's this life lesson
What did. I do in a past life
to deserve this ..
Hmmm ...
© Jennifer L DeLong 10/24/2020

What is reality?
What is theory?

Sometimes four
Sometimes five

Sometimes both
Of them at once

Control the future
By controlling the past

Listen here, Oceania
War is peace

First, we'll give everything its due
Then say it never happened

Again and again
Until you believe it's true

Turn back the clocks
Countless ears who heard the restless call of spring
Will never dance to winters tune
The hands of time are stilled
For them the clock has stopped
On this year
And all others
This dying year
Has become a year of dying

I can't tell you the time I fell in love with love
Where I became crazed and I started to send wishes above
Where my heart first cracked, and I felt it's first attack
Where the walls that grew from the floor caved in and pressed up against my back

Oh, and I can't really remember where I actually felt free
Where I reached that lift off my shoulders and I met serenity

It's really hard to pinpoint these moments, and there's more that I haven't mentioned, but that doesn't mean they didn't happen, and that if they didn't they wouldn't.

Hopefully I one day can pinpoint my first real relationship
One that's mutual, forgiving, full of love, intimacy, and friendship
Where my wishes came true, at least the ones that matter most
And the wounds I suffered so, that they heal, or He'll turn me into a ghost

That the walls fall, and I finally feel my space expand
So that I can fill it with memories and things I love, making it a new land

That is what I would like to pinpoint.
I hope to see it manifest into reality.

On cool, starry, fall, indigo-blue night walks, it’s so beautiful that it’s hard to believe we’re mid-catastrophe.

That sunrise will dawn on countrymen whose heavy burdens our national leaders won’t even publicly discuss much less address.

File hope under other names - we need changes and new leadership - hey, you adults - can we please just try a government of concerned professionals?

I am building a shelter
here in the silence  

The pause between breaths
the moment when even my heart
gathers her rest, between beating  

I can’t stay long  

The scratching of pen on paper
a faraway helicopter
my gurgling belly
small feet running up the path  

I’ll come again
when I can