I buy lighters nowdays
Everyone thinks I smoke
NO I DON'T SMOKE AND HOPEFULLY WILL NEVER
I do light up candles and watch them burn
I do set pages and pages on fire
I do try to burn my thoughts away but they always return
I don't smoke
I color with smoke
Whenever I blow out any candle
I let the grey surround me
Whenever I light it up again
I turn the lights off
So the warm light can color my cold walls.
I don't smoke
But there's cigarettes everywhere around me
Their smoke and hateful scent imprinted on my clothes
And that scent is not mine
NO I smell like candles
My mom put the cigar scent on me
I try to take it off
Shouldn't it be the opposite?
Well I don't smoke
But I am slowly dying.

Jealousy has sold me cheap,
Tore inside my heart and jeans.              
Sold me to a stranger person
That doesn’t know what caring means.

It's been weeks since I put a drop of perfume on my skin
I used to love it.
Now days it feels useless.
I feel like the scent of dream tears and sweaty worries would follow me no matter what I cover my skin with.
I take more showers wishing I'd feel better.
And the calming scent lasts until memories catch up to me.
It feels useless but I'll put perfume on tomorrow... And wait for the scent to slowly dissappear again

I want to get lost in the deep seas
Feel my heartbeat race with the waves
I want to lay somewhere no one sees
And wait for the next moon faze
All this because I found most peace in the water
Pieces of my soul belong in all those sunken sea shells
In there I could see everything better
I can feel happiness inhabit all my cells.
Do I ever want to escape this peaceful dream?
Never...

The sun’s making space for its own warmth
It’s leading me on a far away path
Even though my way is forth
I go way back into the black
And the sun cramps out of it
Telling me to go on and continue what I started
I told it that I cannot fit
Somewhere I wasn’t invited.

Memory cards stocked inside my brain
Which one will I pull out today?
I once put a blindfold on
And browsed through lucid memories
My interest was gone
Once I realized how much they can hurt me.

I dreamed you again
I just landed, I had wings
I asked you how you been
You just said nothing.
My dreams always give me some 6th sense
So I tried to change the verb tense  
How are you I asked ?
He looked so perplexed.
I realized the point that I missed.
So in that dream I went down on my knees
Pulled you down with me
And asked again what do you want to be?
But you started crying something I’ve  barely seen before
Collapsed on my dream’s cloudy floor
And showed me a star on your shoulder telling me it’s sore.
I touched it waiting for it to heal
And a thousand more started to appear
I asked him what have you done
He said it’s a dream every hope can be given or gone.

My insomniac friend
What kind of thoughts what kind of regrets
Won't let your day end?
My insomniac friend what kind of music could sooth your worries?
Could I be the one who owes you some sorries?
My insomniac friend why do you stress?
You said it's not the worst but the best.
My insomniac friend why do you keep hiding?
You've gotten so good at lying.
My insomniac friend who could you be?
I think I found you one night living inside me

It's the end of the week that catches me feeling the most numb.
Unable to sleep but barely walking.
Unable to eat but hungry.
Wanting love but distant
Eyes wide open but drugged like dreaming.
The only thing that I could grant
Is that I can't explain any of this feeling
It's a Saturday night that makes me the loneliest .
Laying in bed seems like the safest it could get
But staring at an empty wall just seems fake
But I stay with opinionated thoughts running through my head.
Thinking that staring at the night sky would be great
A Sunday evening is when reality catches up to me
But even if my responsibilities is all I see there's still more thoughts behind my mind's tree.
I've counted weeks and months and I've just been the same.
And honestly a change scares my heart
I'll rather be looking for my lost pieces than lose another part.

Villages and mist
All these forests and I drift
Away...far away I make my own fantasy
Wondering why the mist is so beautiful yet so lonely.
Levitating aimlessly above all these trees
I wonder what can the mist see?
Treetops and the grey clouds
Makes me feel free like nobody's around
This dark green and forgotten leafs
Makes me remember the worry-free moments once I was a kid.
And I look at the mist comparing  it to me
So beautiful yet only when it's lonely.

It's getting harder to say sorry
Sometimes I ain't even brave enough usually all the feeling i carry
Bring my confidence deep in this rust.
Sometimes my ego just turns into dust.
It's getting harder to say thank you
Because I don't know how to
I don't know who to say it to
Gratefulness escapes my mind i can't really express it
And because everyone thinks I am ungrateful it all goes to ****.
It's getting  harder to say hello
Or maybe the continuation's harder
People have transformed so
That I can't talk to them unless I stop dreaming about a forever.
And now since my heart's been infused with blue
It has been the hardest to say I love you.

I need to find better names for better thoughts
But I guess I am still lost
I have too much to say and too little to speak
Is there a cave I can hide in? I forgot how to breathe
I have the voice I sing my heart away with
But no one would listen or care the smallest bit
I have the hands that can draw good enough
But it’s never well for me, I tare the papers away crying in disgust
Fill me up would you
I need that extra spice that was taken away when I was about 2
I need love or something similar to it.
I’Ll take any drug...it’s just like pain
I am already addicted to it.

Bathtubs and bubbles
Hair strands, struggles.
My hands and soap
Life and and all the hope
Problems, stress
Forever distressed
Love, memories, hanging on my silver linings,
Pain, hurt mind and colored thoughts
Happiness is all I ought.
Persistence is all I got.

Splashes of color on my tinted skin
Bruises and marks is all that I see.
And somehow I find them pretty
The fact that pain comes in different shades of every color
But it’s not that fair for me?
I bare it all to see its beauty and I never recover.

I think the sky and the sea are friends
Every day and night they give each other compliments
In daylight when the water’s bright and blue
The sky changes its clouds in the sea’s favor.
At night when the water’s shine was dimmed
The sky transforms itself into a nocturnal rainbow just to reflect itself in the last
Sparkles of the water.
I am curious now, would the sky and sea be friends forever?
Or will they someday become lovers?

Soul without a chance
We morph into one another and we dance
Corrupted souls.
Haunted by every thought and turned evil.
Closed doors leaving forever.
Souls pursuing happiness
Reaching out for it
Sometimes they succeed but nevertheless they give up to it.
That happiness takes over
Corrupting your vision forever.
Are you happy, pleased?
I watch everyone cry for happiness down on their knees.