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stranger Mar 2021
You know taking a bath when you're cold is bad for you yet you still do it.
The cold will catch up to you once you're out.
Unless you boil yourself to the point where you can't stand the bath water and the cold is all you crave.
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
You know this anger harbouring will get you sick and at some point something will have to break.
Yet you deny it and cry in surprise once you realise how ****** up your mind can get.
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
You know that you not functioning without your headphones on the street is a mental deficit and you're scared of being alone.
Yet whenever you say you'll go out without your headphones you can't help but connect them again to your phone.
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
You know the silencing glare and the subtly swallowed hate wont be enough to fix them or you yet you take no action and only speak when the times are worst causing everything to crack up again in your dysfunctional household.
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
No amount of self diagnosis with narcissism, psychosis, psychopathy or plain depression will ever soothe your need of validation. So why bother.
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
Your body's stiff, you know the causes.
Yet you try to dance, sing move as much as you can. Idiotic sensual slow killing.
You know you're only making it worse so why keep on hurting?
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
Your blood vessels bursting under your jeans, your veins dying to pop.
Yet you still walk. There's something not quite right with you.
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar
Your ribs cracking under the spring sun, your toes bleeding from that last run when will you understand you're marked for death when will you be done?
Liar liat liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
You promised you'll shave your arms, start up another life yet you're still here.
******* around.
You're nothing but a
Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar.
That's not true I'm just tired
1.5k · Mar 2021
medusa tell me i'm alive
stranger Mar 2021
medusa can you feel me?
i've become hard of hearing.
medusa can you see me?
or are the slithers interfeering?
medusa i can feel you staring
why is counciousness abandoning me?
daring yet consoling,
this cigarette that i'm holding.
one more hit and im running
one more hit, i'll be glowing.
the fog in my head, medusa , is nothing but healing,
bet you all my ancestors are proud, ever so loving
surprinsed at the vices i'm honing.
medusa our turn always comes, you don't have to worry
we are sentenced allegory
condensed spring scented fury.
medusa spit on me.
i am anything but awake,
anything but aware
kiss my dreams away
**** i think that was my last hit hahahahahhaah little simz is a genius
1.2k · Jul 2019
stranger Jul 2019
Too much skin.
Too much space.
Too many flashing lights.
Too much skin.
Carnal wishes without discretion.
Killing me.
Too much skin around me.
Too much skin for me too see.
Lights pulsating under the layers.
I want to feel skin other than mine.
I've gotten tired of wasting time.
Coliding and condoning myself for not looking better.
For not making other layers of skin want mine the way I want them.
No-one particularly.
Tonight I just want to feel loved and I just ain't enough.
Kilometers that my fingers want to run over.
Skin stretching over structured bones, taking the hues of the blood passing through.
How does it feel you fool?
To have someone love you thoroughly?
From your veins to nose cartilages ?
How does it feel tell me?
Incoherently I'm thinking if I can find love in my own skin.
Too used to it so negative.
Tell me how does it feel?
To have skin touch yours that is not evil?
How does it feel to not hate the skin you're touching?
How does it feel to love feeling?
Too much skin.
Too much space.
How would  one's skin ever survive loving me?
Skin haunting me
1.2k · Jul 2018
I don't smoke
stranger Jul 2018
I buy lighters nowdays
Everyone thinks I smoke
I do light up candles and watch them burn
I do set pages and pages on fire
I do try to burn my thoughts away but they always return
I don't smoke
I color with smoke
Whenever I blow out any candle
I let the grey surround me
Whenever I light it up again
I turn the lights off
So the warm light can color my cold walls.
I don't smoke
But there's cigarettes everywhere around me
Their smoke and hateful scent imprinted on my clothes
And that scent is not mine
NO I smell like candles
My mom put the cigar scent on me
I try to take it off
Shouldn't it be the opposite?
Well I don't smoke
But I am slowly dying.
I actually don't smoke
822 · Sep 2018
stranger Sep 2018
Fade into thin paper.
Fade into the air.
Fade into something better.
Fade so no-one can care.
Fade in the dust
Fade all over the sky
Fade into something I might trust.
Fade into all the goodbyes.
Fade away dear heart
Fade away my mind
I was broken apart
By my own kind.
I guess I am just getting erased slowly
692 · Jan 2019
[Self distruction]
stranger Jan 2019
How is it that
Is so good at
destroying themselves
We're all so good at ruining our own life
stranger Dec 2019
Anticipation and all its fulfillment
Expectations and their dissapointment.
Laying in the bathtub on my birthday.
Like a fool.
And laughing sincerely
Scared of further living
Letting someone else love for me.
Because dreams are too vivid.
I don't like you I just need your warmth.
For now and probably for a month.
And it's so enchanting
How I'm so careless but so scared
So reckless but so restrained.
Too young to be able to understand.
How it all functions,
Young and flirtatious.
Keeping the rest to myself because anything else is a negation.
Broken promises and broken bones,
On loud nights when I drink nonalchoolic champagne.
Heat raves and the sky falls,
I'm 16 and alive.
How did I make it?
Young and clueless,
Life's a movie and I'm awfully egotistical.
Undoubtedly hypocritical.
Speaking to all the clouds and ignoring the voices around.
Baby, I tell them,  "ill never fall back into love"
I'm an idiot plus the stars said love's just a social construct.
An experiment.
So i stood there in the dark,  no water in the bathtub just me, listening to chuckles in my room celebrating my birthday.
birthdays and lonely hours.
589 · Jul 2018
~with love~...*the rain*
stranger Jul 2018
Didn’t sleep much last night
I was admiring the thunder
Focusing on the rain getting louder and louder
Marveled at the sky while it was changing color
I stayed up until 4am last night
Just to watch the overly dramatic lightning strike
Watching it burn on the sky almost like it was able to write.
Woke up at 7:18 exactly
Just to keep admiring
My old friend the rain
Letting me open up
Transforming its iridescent water drops into obscure showers of pain.
My lonely friend who always comes back,
Lets me choose its next move
Makes me forget the meaning of sad
While I make the new purple-black sky forget about that peaceful blue
Last night I saw one of the most beautiful storms ever...
541 · Jul 2018
i am an amusement park
stranger Jul 2018
Pick any ride you like
Do you want to go to the one in the distance?
Or this overly colored one...look it’s so bright!
The other one’s too far away...look the bright one’s now turquoise.
Oh look there’s a black rollecoaster... but it seems so broken down
I guess it was cool before but now it’s all rusty
Maybe we should go to that fast food shack all our friends are around

Oh no it’s raining all the neon lights are going off!
The buildings and rides  are falling apart!
Except for that black rollercoaster’s ticket shack
run there it’s safer
Why aren’t there any tickets...why is it full of alcoholic liquor?
Lighting strikes again and the floor pulls us in
I guess we will be part of this attraction when nobody will come tomorrow morning.
*i tried comparing my feelings to an amusement park I guess it didn’t work but eh....*
419 · Sep 2018
□■▪spare me▪■□
stranger Sep 2018
Spare me of the self-hatred tonight
Spare me of the pain until sunlight.
Spare me of the sad dreams
I deserve at least one please.
Spare me of the desires and wishes
No-one ever knows what their future is.
Spare me of the cruelty and sour taste
I am tired of every spike of pain my hand creates.
Spare me of this disaster
Spare me yet I have no master.
Who the **** in this world will spare me of the truth?
I keep on bitting from life's poisonous fruit.
Who'd spare me of the true face of earth?
Who'll love the unlovable?
We're afraid of the truth
Yet we're unpredictable.
Who'll spare us all from the war?
If we're all our own murderers at the core?
Spare me I'm already dying
Why should we find the truth if we're all lying?
I think i'm dying and living the best time of my life at the same time
stranger Oct 2020
It can't really be 01:10
Tommorow can't be real
The soft voices in my ears are saying it too.
It's too late to be this early.

Such an honour to meet you,
My suicidal rendition of self,
I think i love you
350 · Oct 2018
stranger Oct 2018
I live in a world of encrusted lies.
In a world of hellos that never come again after goodbyes
A world where they say you can't do anything right before you're worthless
I live in a world of constant distress.
A world where we choose hahas over *******
A world where we wait for red to turn into blue
I live in a world of worries
Where nobody gives a **** unless they're inside your story
A world of pretty lies and unspoken truths
A world with philosophy questioning our never ending route
What's a lie they say
Because they say at least one everyday.
But they're good aren't they?
I've been wrapped up in them for the past decade.
I'll drown in them by the time I'm 30.
Die with them when my coffin waits for me.
Been lied to since I was 2
345 · Jan 2022
i only do it to myself
stranger Jan 2022
clouds have been shaded,
split and shaken.
for my skin sizzling and my words unpoken.
faded wanna clasp my mouth shut.
can't walk, can't burden.
wanting to be a child of tommorow and count my days until 27.
lover's worried and I can't figure out who to hate.
the conviction to be fitted for disaster, it's already too late.
lover's screaming in my dreams, sounds like matching fate.
sky whispers,the scale tingles, I'm 57 kilograms of feeble.
a leech so loyal,impatient parasite...a crawler.
enamored enough to follow.
336 · Oct 2020
what a lovely life
stranger Oct 2020
you know what's funny?
me sitting in this online class,
begging myself to keep my patience.
these people haven't seen anger yet,
but they just might.
322 · Sep 2018
can i compare...
stranger Sep 2018
I sometimes wonder if I can compare feelings.
Can I compare the power of when you find a song you love and dance to it 'till the sweat reaches your eyes to the power of the sadness when something you so much loved, dissappears and tears streak down your already glass rose cheeks?
Can I compare the pureness of a laugh to the pureness of a sigh?
Can I compare the "letting yourself be a little selfish" of being proud of yourself to "letting yourself be a little selfish" of letting yourself cry for no reason at all?
Can I compare the surprising relief of the moment right after I finish a poem to the surprising scare of the moment I caress my head just to see a handful of hair fall out?
Can I compare the strength of love to the strength of hate?
I think i can
I thought of how deja-vuesque all my feelings seem like
stranger Sep 2020
i am so exhausted
of the cotidian
the daily
the unorthodox.
i want to be afloat,
no more of this suspended waiting
no more of this nonsense.
i want silence, not bliss,
i want not the love but a mere kiss,
a breath of air inspired into my throat warmly.
i want too much already...
a little more sleep
a little more warmth
or,  maybe
stranger May 2022
Virginia was right!
I want to be a poet,
I want to be a lover.
But most importantly...
I wish to be poetry,
İ wish to be loved.
290 · Aug 2018
~crystal life~
stranger Aug 2018
Crystallise my hair, my skin, my lips
Let me float, let me drift
The water's color don't matter as long as the sky's blue
My mindset's fine without thinking about anyone
There's no you
There's no me either
It's just the water and the crystals that formed all over me
With this thin shinny rock layer, I can finally see
And I see the world faceted, cut in every place
It never faded, there's a crystal on everyone's face.
Everyone has a face for me and another face for someone else
How long will it take until we can crystallise sense?
They seem to all have a crystal in their mind
But I have one on my skin, my hair and my lips
My thoughts can finally all collide
My hopes can all sink.
Let this crystallise every part of me
Maybe someday I'll be free.
*I like crystals*
267 · Oct 2020
i am she
stranger Oct 2020
With another.
Or perhaps something entirely different.
Don't you get tired of yourself?
The scabs on my knees and elbows crack at the feeling of despair.
They bleed out red and green thread, love and envy for the undead.
This is just an escape,
Another rusting coping mechanism thrown out to the pile.
Don't you ever get tired of yourself?
The routinical sequences living inside my head would agree,
She's exhausted
She's tired of me.
257 · Oct 2018
☆welcome to the show☆
stranger Oct 2018
Drowning in ignorance.
I've given up on myself.
I try to breathe out of bubbles of assurance.
But I die with every breath.
I've decided I want to be a spectator to my own pain
The outsider grieving over a theatrical game.
If I was mature enough maybe I'd laugh
However I'm just an orphaned stranger.
A child taking care of its mother.
And hahahaha isn't it funny we've heard the same story over and over again
Nothing new, everyone's sad right?
But nobody's sad over the same pain
We're self-sufficient only at night.
Have I reached that stereotypical age when all you want to do is sleep?
Oh and how society loves to call this self-discovery.
So I just chose Drowning.
Or dying.
To fulfill the purpose of our perfectly functional society.
everything's becoming hilariously painful
253 · Jul 2018
So bEaUTiful YeT LOnEly
stranger Jul 2018
Villages and mist
All these forests and I drift
Away...far away I make my own fantasy
Wondering why the mist is so beautiful yet so lonely.
Levitating aimlessly above all these trees
I wonder what can the mist see?
Treetops and the grey clouds
Makes me feel free like nobody's around
This dark green and forgotten leafs
Makes me remember the worry-free moments once I was a kid.
And I look at the mist comparing  it to me
So beautiful yet only when it's lonely.
Bulgaria is beautiful if you look in the right place
231 · Sep 2018
●the hole we call hope●
stranger Sep 2018
And I fall
   In the hole
          We call "hope"
I feel safe
  Water's waiting for me
                 At the bottom.
I lie to myself
      Because I know
                      I'll remember I can't
  the moment my fragile bones touch
                     _ the water_
I can swim
225 · Feb 2019
-(*) noapte(*) -
stranger Feb 2019
Gravitația situației
Poate că eu nu înțeleg.
Dormitul e o distracție.
Că mă ascund nu neg.
Într-o constantă rotație.
Eu nu fac turul complet.
Plutesc poate prea mult în ultimul timp.
Distruge-mă dacă poți.
Noaptea se transformă în anotimp.
Și ne primește pe toți.
Eu nu mai stau trează.
Fac parte din delincvenții nocturni.
Ne uităm la lună și așteptăm următoarea faza.
Ne uităm la stele și la cerul bătrân.
Se pare că a devenit o pasiune acestă tortură diurnă.
Dar nu pare așa rău când suntem împreună.
Deși "treaz".
E greu de obținut zilele acestea.
O să rămân fără răgaz.
Dacă mă las prizonieră în noaptea grea.
i wrote this so long ago
stranger Jul 2018
There’s a spider climbing up the stairs of my heart
Just to pour its venom in
And I wanna break him apart
But i’ll just do what everyone else did to me.
220 · Jul 2019
i painted my nails yellow
stranger Jul 2019
My yellow nail polish is chipping off
I'm an amalgamation of skin... Too irascible at times.
Whatever feeling the burn on my finger holds,
It's never for me to find.
But my broken nails say otherwise.
I've taught myself to be quiet but every other bubble has to burst right?
Morbidly watching time pass me by.
I feel older than I should be.
Like my entire life flashed by me and it wasted itself in one of the new year fireworks.
Milisecond lasting sparks.
16 years of them.
Sparks that ignite fires sporadicly over the wrong beings.
Ain't I a walking masterpiece?
The pretty girl carrying fire in the pockets of her jeans.
Spark up my existence if you could.
Kick-start my delusion.
Perhaps I'll be able to understand my own vision.
Dreaming away life ahead of itself.
I'm getting the hang of it.
My writing stopped putting in the effort to make sense.
Or was that me?
I'm feeling hazy in another universe.
Fading away rapidly.
Running up and down my stairs
I fear the day this house'll be empty.
So I remain home in despair.
I wish I could see myself clearly.
if anyone reads this tell me if you've got any feeling from it, tell me if it kickstarted your synesthesia, tell me my words still make sense.
218 · Mar 2019
stranger Mar 2019
i fool
too many
my big words

people are easy to manipulate and i feel conflicted
210 · Dec 2019
stranger Dec 2019
Friday morning
Already ironic.
Casually sitting in a taxi cuz today my history thesis is happening.
A kid was hit on the crossing, laying there with the only three people around who called the ambulance.
A few meters on the other side of the road,
The side the kid wanted to get to,
A man casually arranging tables in the betting house.
Watching the desperation in my eyes as I watch the scene before me.
Now is stuck in meaninglessness.
I heard later that day that the kid lives and hopefully so he won't stop.
So now I'm stuck in pink doored bathrooms and the road the trams pass by.
Thinking how desperation is hope because fear is motivation and anger's the fuel.
How much of a human I am, thinking the sole  existence of life is somewhat philosophical.
Cuz that kid on the street and that bathroom I was in, are both poetry.
And I'm nothing but an observer.
Things before others realise.
And still what value has this moment in time?
Almost 100km per hour, I could die right?
I could die by my own means so of course 100km is just a simple factor.
I wanna die by my own means.
No car hitting me, no sudden disease.
I want the odds that are against me to at least respect my timing.
Though it's selfish.
I've been wanting to write about that kid for a while, just couldn't get myself to.
Like a letter to myself I'd never wanna send.
Naturally running out of fuel, life itself slips away in front of my eye.
So in the most mundane mindset, I cannot stop it.
stranger Feb 2019
as you look out the window with your deep set eyes you tell me how you think the earth's breathing if you focused enough.
ironically enough I've always seen that.
pretty broken doll tell your jokes and stories once more so I could draw another smile on my face.
teach me how you do it... Wait I think I've been doing it myself for too long.
I tell you to play me something on the drums you so angrily enchant.
Play me something so the vibration coming off the drums would wake me up again.
I sit down on the always broken bench waiting for you to sit next to me.
But you always stay behind hands on the bench almost wanting to take the bench away.
I wish I wouldn't have to look up as you speak.
"could you be my lookout this summer?"
"I would sure if I'm still here"
the pretty lines on your jaw drop as you think it through
I'm leaving honey, what does it mean to you?
"you can't, you need to stay here for me just one more year"
I tell you I can't though I'd like to tell you that I would love to stay one more year just to come back everyday for you to tell me what cracked you up and what broke you down.
I'd stay so maybe one day our eyes would be allowed to look at eachother.
but i tell you I can't because there's no way I could
and as I say it I'd like to shed a tear but I've trained myself to well
As I say it I look up once more to see the pretty lines get sharper almost like they've accepted.
Trust you trust me don't you?
With your love interest, music taste, sexuality, drugs and life stories
As the bell rings we hide behind questions.
Are we both afraid of the same thing?
Couldn't be right?
You're wanted I'm not.
I want you, you don't.
Bad influence
It's you who made me want to turn my guts upside down for a drop of the same hallucinating I have every night in my dreams.
But it's you who gives me hope and despair.
Soft spoken we'll never be close to that.
Concave destroyed lover
I can't compare.
Do you feel these things anymore or have you given them up to the overdose?
Would you laugh at my sloppy poetry and prose?
You probably would.
Senseless *******
You know fixing you is a desire of mine
But humans can't get fixed love
Not by individuals at least.
And everyday as I tell you your eyes are beautiful for their central heterochromia
Everyday as you don't believe it so I need to make up another description.
I'll enjoy it and know that you're well enough.
I'm probably inexsitent in your mutilated brain
Since our worlds are far apart
But honey we're separetely the same.
We just never made contact.
And now I know as I saw the tears curdle up in your eyes
That maybe just maybe you're not as lost as I thought you'd be.
First of February had me in tears at 4 AM.
It was pretty
198 · May 2020
i can be you
stranger May 2020
I search for wisdom in others
So I can relax
Lay back and not do anything.
I don't need to be wise
My skepticism wouldn't have to tire me.
It's so easy to lean on someone
Be it their body or mind
Their actions or opinions
It's way more comfortable.
Because forming a singular personal identity
Is seemingly impossible.
What is me?
What sets me apart from my ego, whatever I project outwards to the people?
So why be me when there's someone else I can form onto.
Parasitical existence by all means inclusive,
Online, offline, flatline.
I can be you when I can't be me.
I can be you when I am tired
I can be you when I'm lying
I can be you when I don't like me.
Because my persona is picture perfect I can exude my flaws onto someone and my aspirations on someone else.
So I end up being a split formation of self.
The 27th part of me you can find on said website.
Cuz the media is eating me out while my family watches.
What are my ******* core values.
How can I be me when I don't know how I'm living?
So I form me into something else,
Permanency hurts so I morph.
197 · Jul 2018
~old wounds~
stranger Jul 2018
Memory cards stocked inside my brain
Which one will I pull out today?
I once put a blindfold on
And browsed through lucid memories
My interest was gone
Once I realized how much they can hurt me.
#Memories #remember
192 · Sep 2019
/16 year old question\
stranger Sep 2019
eating the inside of my lip
and uncovering my back in the moonlight.
I walk the streets nonchalantly.
No hearing.
Just sight.
And taste, the taste of the inside of my lip bleeding.
I was raised to be just and to keep my eyes on the sole thing that interests me.
Meaning everything.
So it's all I do.
I sit and stare unwillingly.
Keeping track of the eyes that read me and the ones that are just passing by.
I'm built around the social construct of being lonely.
But not really.
I'm losing the fancy words I used to fight for just like I'm losing myself.
As I leave more me on my bed than anywhere else.
I shaved today to feel a hint of self interest.
It was completely useless.
I couldn't give a **** about myself with hair or without but that's just too much to confess.
I've been trying to sing more and dance and give into the so called creativity I harness.
It's all a lie.
It's all a distraction.
It's something I want to call motivation but can't.
Am i meant to rot in the lifestyle of a movie miserable human?
Walking the streets and spazzing on my bed.
With my dreams swept out of my head.
I look in three separate mirrors everyday.
Who am I and why am I not dead?
And that's the million dollar question.
Because somehow the moment everything collapses we turn to the forbidden.
But either way I digress I'd be too afraid to do it to myself.
I've found billion other methods that make me feel that they match the situation.
**** this poem.
It's another excuse for my insomnia.
Another excuse to justify why I woke up at 11 just to fall onto another bed.
All the memories I've collected, play me such a theatre show,
And I watch wondering if they're the dream from last night or real life.
And it makes me question again.
Who am I and why am I not dead?
Not because I wanna die necessarily but because at times I'm rather lucky.
Like the universe repays me.
Like the universe cried a single tear of mercy and out of all the people it rained on me.
And it still seems like I'm ungrateful.
The universe is mistaking my head for someone else who maybe instead would know how to use that luck efficiently.
I am no such mastermind.
I've lost my book based intelligence when I was 11 and gained my eyes when I was 13.
So who am I and why am I not dead?
Living a paradox withing irony itself,
I'm handmade by multiple clichés.
Or that's what I think.
My dreams seemed nice until people tell me they're just a fantasy.
Oh but look at me, 16 and complaining about dreams.
I'd end up a great housekeeper I'd tell myself though nothing stays clean.
I feel old.
Old in a way I've never felt.
Like by the time I'd reach 30 I'd already be dead.
Or maybe again,
Is it all on my head?
Adolescent scent in the times of complete desolation.
I stand and I don't understand.
Who am I and why am I not dead?
**** some nights, my talent for insomnia really shows
185 · Jul 2018
stranger Jul 2018
It's been weeks since I put a drop of perfume on my skin
I used to love it.
Now days it feels useless.
I feel like the scent of dream tears and sweaty worries would follow me no matter what I cover my skin with.
I take more showers wishing I'd feel better.
And the calming scent lasts until memories catch up to me.
It feels useless but I'll put perfume on tomorrow... And wait for the scent to slowly dissappear again
185 · Jul 2018
stranger Jul 2018
My insomniac friend
What kind of thoughts what kind of regrets
Won't let your day end?
My insomniac friend what kind of music could sooth your worries?
Could I be the one who owes you some sorries?
My insomniac friend why do you stress?
You said it's not the worst but the best.
My insomniac friend why do you keep hiding?
You've gotten so good at lying.
My insomniac friend who could you be?
I think I found you one night living inside me
181 · Dec 2018
stranger Dec 2018
Singurătatea e ce ne aduce împreună
Pentru că noi căutăm siguranță în durerea altcuiva...
178 · Jul 2018
i watched
stranger Jul 2018
Soul without a chance
We morph into one another and we dance
Corrupted souls.
Haunted by every thought and turned evil.
Closed doors leaving forever.
Souls pursuing happiness
Reaching out for it
Sometimes they succeed but nevertheless they give up to it.
That happiness takes over
Corrupting your vision forever.
Are you happy, pleased?
I watch everyone cry for happiness down on their knees.
I guess I enjoy studying people and their feelings and how they behave. I find people's minds fascinating
176 · Sep 2018
♢cold tears♢
stranger Sep 2018
My tears are cold tonight just like the rain
I've lost hope just like the clouds lose their temper.
And as the water from the sky pours itself off my house through the drain.
I **** my only helper.

My tears are cold tonight like the sea under the moon
My tears were brewed by my memories to be used for what will come soon.

My tears are cold tonight unlike the usual when they're always warm and calming.
My tears are cold tonight so maybe I'll be frozen when I need to wake up in the morning.

My tears are cold tonight under my roof.
My tears are cold tonight and I have no proof.
My tears are cold and I keep on fighting,
Desperately warming myself up as I watch the lighting.

And my tears are cold tonight
But I no longer put up a fight

I never felt cold tears before
169 · Dec 2018
stranger Dec 2018
i feel like air
    - unnoticed-
     cold and warm
no color
I guess Im breathing
169 · Sep 2018
{candle of life}
stranger Sep 2018
It's a candle slowly having its wax melting and falling silently on a cold wooden floor
With each drop I come a step closer to the door.
And if it keeps on burning the same way it's burning now,
I'll go in and out the window until I hit the ground.
When the candle has its last little piece burnt
I'll be long gone and my body will be cold
And when there's nothing left out of the candle
I'll be long forgotten by all the people that promised  they'll remember.
Candles and their way of slowly melting away. Dying while they still give out their last scent.
163 · Nov 2018
stranger Nov 2018

~am i too strong to die or too weak to live? ~
one of these days
stranger Jul 2018
I dreamed you again
I just landed, I had wings
I asked you how you been
You just said nothing.
My dreams always give me some 6th sense
So I tried to change the verb tense  
How are you I asked ?
He looked so perplexed.
I realized the point that I missed.
So in that dream I went down on my knees
Pulled you down with me
And asked again what do you want to be?
But you started crying something I’ve  barely seen before
Collapsed on my dream’s cloudy floor
And showed me a star on your shoulder telling me it’s sore.
I touched it waiting for it to heal
And a thousand more started to appear
I asked him what have you done
He said it’s a dream every hope can be given or gone.
162 · Nov 2021
9 days to quench thy thirst
stranger Nov 2021
There's a thirst
To sicken, to be full
To never feel the need to be understood.
A thirst unquenced to be human undamaged.
To be needed but indestructible
To be present only when summoned.
This thirst sometimes aching
To be fulfilled to be terminated
All failing ethereality.
My wrists crack as I'm lifting
Myself off of the floor for the seventh time.
I become part of the decor...yeah I'm fine.
There's 9 days left until I've fulfilled my sentence.
What glory bestowed on my head!
A thirst to be undead, a thirst to remain stuck and never dare to step ahead.
A thirst untouched by water.
I'm left parched so merciless.
150 · Jun 2022
ielelor, ielelor
stranger Jun 2022
Tata îmi spune ca mi se atrofiază mușchii în mâna stângă
Așa că,
De noaptea ielelor nu o să mă mai mișc, o să-mi adoarmă corpul -lasă-mă să cad și nu mă mai aduna!
O să las ura ielelor să mă umple, să mă poarte cu solstițiul departe.
Tata tot îmi spune eu îmi dau urechile să le ia ielele, să le ia ielele.
Le dau lor corpul meu care zdruncină gânduri și suferințe,
Le dau lor venele și sângele care car alene globule, vise și cântece pentru sânziene.
Le voi da lor dragostea ce ți-o port, s-o ducă departe, să calce marea în picioare cu ea, să-i înflorească valurile vara ca să înghită țărmul toamna cu dragostea mea -o s-o dau lor, o s-o dau ielelor.
Le voi da cuvintele scrise și nespuse să le lase închise în codrii, să le ardă în focurile culmii.
Le voi da lor tot, vă dau tot ielelor!

Corpul ăsta rupt de timp și atât de tânăr, luați-l ielelor și făceți-vă lume
O coastă zâmbet pentru voi, ielelor!
Ochiul meu pentru cruzime, onorați-l ielelor!
Eu vasul pentru ura voastră, voi aduceți-mă de îndată acasă.

Dragostea asta pentru nimeni și pentru tot,
Luați-o voi ielelor!
Lichiditatea ei pusă în sticlă- poate hrăni pământul cât mor
Fulgeră și tună în mine timpul nerămas pentru dragoste, sânzienelor vă implor luați-o și ascundeți-o.

Mintea aceasta marmură de alamă, o povară pentru mine rogu-vă de-o aruncați.
Sau de-o păstrați ielelor, puneți-o la rece, să nu mai plece, să nu mai sufere.
Fie-vă sânge și sabie de-o luați.

Ielelor de noaptea voastră eu vă dau tot ce sunt eu,
Gură. Aer. Plămâni.
Șoapte. Atingeri. Înghițituri.
Mâini. Vorbe. Visuri.
Genunchi. Coate. Ocolișuri.
Ochi. Lacrimi. Sânge. și Podișuri.
Luați ce puteți duce și acolo unde mergeți, acolo să le distrugeți.
iele may your night rule!
150 · Aug 2020
how may i choose peace?
stranger Aug 2020
The train
****** to wait for me as i count my steps
Going away
And returning
It always passes
Waiting for me to suddenly be stuck to the railroad
Waiting for me to never hear it
I think the train follows me but that's foolish
So i stay cradled in my words, veiled by the moon and my alternating fictitious emotions,
Wanting to be young forever
For being stuck in this timeline just makes everything beautiful.
My ****** youth makes bliss out of misery and condemns my joy for it to be kept for moments like these,
Retrospective of my self, time and the right way to be,
Startled by my conflicting sentiments,
Young anger of the frustrated, power hungry and discontent,
But grateful, for what I've lived and seen.
This is no note or ode to death,
Just a gentle message that i am well
And that I've been and felt plenty
So if thy mark of the end would think I'm ready,
I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't beg to stay in the remnants of me.
But if there's more to breathe than what I've had then, I'll inhale happily.
For the train to or not to hit me,
I'll have to keep waiting,
I promise i am not glamorizing, pain or anger or even lucidity
I am simply accepting comfort, commodity, a vile of short bliss before morning comes in emptyly.
I won't plaster this on the eyes of people to see but rather keep it, treasured antique of my immobility while I for once enjoy living, morbidly, but truly.
The train will get me
145 · Nov 2018
stranger Nov 2018
-I’ve been lying to myself for so long-
-that now I can’t recognize myself-
-I look in the mirror-
{who are you?}
{a stranger...}
Just checking my personality in the mirror again
144 · Sep 2022
nu mai aștepta
stranger Sep 2022
am văzut lumea întinsă alene în vena de pe antebrațul meu,
am văzut lumea și ceea ce-mi pregătește conturată într-o vânătaie teribil de albastră.
sare la uși, păianjenii se transformă în musafiri iar eu într-o gazdă criminală.
pășesc pe muchii, rămâne din mine doar scrumul și mirosul unor vise fosile ale timpului, surâsul înșală.
ia-mă, ține-mă nu mai contează ale cui sunt mâinile ce mă dezmiardă, vreau doar căldură.
am văzut lumea aruncată în dârele dureroase lăsate cadou pe pielea-mi, doresc să ți-o ofer
am văzut lumea și-am decis să o trădez.
înfige-ți unghiile în umerii mei, întoarce-mă cu fața spre realitate spune-mi că nu visez, spune-mi că sunt singură.
aruncă-ți urletele asupra mea, vreau să le aud, vreau să surzesc din vină.
nu vine nimeni, nu vine nimeni
Nu mai aștepta
141 · Jul 2018
○lonely summer days○
stranger Jul 2018
Mosquito bites
And hands on ***** tiles
Forgotten sights
Regretted smiles
I'll do better tommorow
I'll be more productive
It won't last forever
But it's the best that it could be.
Memories and laughter
In my head's now all a disaster.
Love and humid weather
I am so lonely I just forgot..
What was together?
140 · Feb 2020
stranger Feb 2020
Coming in sunset hues in my dreams
And incubus-like shadows.
Too long...
I watched honey smeared lips
And just admired.
I feel...
That love smells rather of pesticides than freedom.
Like having to love to say I hate you?
What the **** is that...
Is cold in the air
Platonic, romantical, ****** you name it.
I've no love to spare.
Gravitational regret...
How smooth can you be?
What's falling in love and what's just thinking about it, the possibility, of potentially feeling what is marketed as... Love.
Dedicational letters or careless texts seem useless,
Unless they make you feel less worthless.
Nonetheless it's just advertisement for some feeling growing out of my inexistent basement.
I've been told,  told that I have an asexual view over romanticisms and ****** encounters.
I am just as perverted as the rest of the world,
Possibly even more.
But what is ******* and *** to love
The statuesque human principle?
Simply just as relatives as time.
134 · Jul 2018
the sea and the sky ☁️
stranger Jul 2018
I think the sky and the sea are friends
Every day and night they give each other compliments
In daylight when the water’s bright and blue
The sky changes its clouds in the sea’s favor.
At night when the water’s shine was dimmed
The sky transforms itself into a nocturnal rainbow just to reflect itself in the last
Sparkles of the water.
I am curious now, would the sky and sea be friends forever?
Or will they someday become lovers?
stranger Oct 2019
She says I sound like the flavour she smokes every now and then.
Velvet hookah smoke.
She's afraid, she's not.
I guess I am pretty frightening.
She says you're too real for me.
So different from what I imagined you to be.
She says my life's going too well for me to be negative.
And I laugh.
It's 4:39 and I want nobody.
Not a soul, not à hand to touch me.
People are tiring.
With their words and repetitive situations,
I seldom rather silence so I don't become a répétition of myself.
I take her outside and hand her a slim lighting it up blindly.
She smokes and stops talking.
"give me one"  so I take the cigarette and take it to my chest and out my nose.
Such a surprised grimace "you know how to inhale nicotine huh?"
I take one more and tell her I now understand why people smoke ever so desperately.
The placebo vice of normativity.
Smoking is like meeting people.
Seemingly good, foolish and totally unhealthy.
I'm tired of this patterned living.
She says how can your mind go to so many places?
Said that she could drown in my thoughts and I'd still find the simplicity of others fascinating.
Which I am not denying.
My mind's à pretty big ballroom.
With lacquered black floors perfectly made to reflect sound.
And she says she's scared.
Scared that I'm too complex,
Scared because I belong in too many places.
I tell her she's just confused and restless.
I tell her she should think of me less and let the nicotine in her body rest.
And I do confess.
That whole night was meaningless.
We're so dumb.
stranger Nov 2018
Drinking CocaCola seems better
Than eating Apple pie.
Maybe i have the wrong mentality in the wrong weather
Bringing my feet down feels wrong when I’m so high.
I’m giving up you know
Everything is repeating itself
Memories, experience and chances that I blow
Inside my little bubble **** of course I don’t need help.
I don’t think there has ever been anything wrong with me
I sliced my ankle open the other day
I look in the mirror and hate is all I see
But **** what my mind can say.
Nobody sees out of their cliques
That’s why I travel in between their piles of thoughts
My mind feels
But I lost.
**** it all
For hope is limited
A wake up call
To everyone I’ve ever met.
I’m leaving
I’m feeling
I’m killing
My mindset
This makes no ******* sense
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