All I see around me
is unhealthy relationships
"**** buddies"
with feelings on one side
guys who refuse to commit
girls who cheat and lie
I'm tired of it all
It sickens me to see them
investing their hearts
in partners who
do more harm than good
Wake The ****! UP!
You're wasting your love...
...just like I wasted mine

Every time
I think I've
learned something
about myself,
I find out
the opposite
may be
just as true

I could dance
dance dance
all night long
night in and night out,
but when I come home,
I'm still alone
and it's taboo these days
to need anyone,
but I need you,
whoever you are
and wherever you are
I wish you would
show your face
so I could hold it
in my hands,
look into your eyes,
be known,
and know you

I can't wait
And I hope you come
So when I invite you
And it's over the top
Don't think I'm weird
I'm just having fun

Well,
thank you for sharing
your poetry
with me
It's very...
good
in a way
And I understand
who you are now
You spill it
out
And I see
your heartbreak
all over
these pages
on the web
where no one
else among
your friends
will ever find them
And I respect
how vulnerable
you're willing
to be
But
I have a question
This girl
you write about
Do you still
love her?
And
before you answer
Remember
all the feelings you've
had almost ******
into you
this last year
to the point where
you have to
spill everything
out like this
Because
I don't want
to feel that way
about you
if you're just going to
break my heart too

I still look at your picture
You look "adorable"
The word you used to say
I act like I'm writing this to you
Like you may read this one day
Yes, it's for you
I see your eyes
And the softness that lies behind
Ready for tender affection
To absorb into me
On the couch, your small self
My little spoon
Arms around you
I will fall asleep
So easily
Knowing you're here with me
And will be in the morning

Where did you go?

Written as spoken word: https://soundcloud.com/user4081486/colorado

So I hear you want to move out of town
Colorado the destination
Though you always, always had California on your mind
And CO is the exact opposite of CA
Except for ****
And except for your boyfriend

And I hear you could keep your job and work from home out of state
That would be great
So you could stay inside all winter, out of the cold
And you'd never meet a new soul
But you'd have your ****
And you'd have your boyfriend

But sadly, you'll rot away inside as you come to realize you hate this place
And though your new love is perfect at first, he becomes irate
And even though you're the sweetest thing in his life if he'd only open his eyes,
He doesn't seem to see it so clearly anymore

And the longer you stay, the further you grow away
Because you already gave him your all by moving away
And it cost him nothing.

Just like with your last boyfriend, being with you
Cost him nothing.

And now, again, when it starts to cost him anything at all,
You'll find he's not so much fun anymore.

And the truth is I know nothing about your relationship
The truth is all I'm basing this on a hunch, and some things I remember from the time we spent together
And the truth is this has nothing to do with where you go or who you know
The truth is it's just another self-centered poem about me being hurt

But I still think you're making a huge mistake
And I'm sorry
Because it's really gonna hurt when you uproot your whole life
Only to find he would never lift a finger for you
I'm sorry

Everything but sadness
seems like an illusion;
sometimes I
can get
swept up into
the illusion, though.

Let's skip the
all-happy all-
the-time facade
I want to meet you
when one of us
is crying
and the other one
is high
Instead of
******* rainbows,
let's tell each other
stories
about those
we've left behind
And when
I make love
to you,
you'll know
what it means
to be known,
and I'll know
what it means
to be home

Your soft lies hang gently
In the clouds in your dreams
And wreak havoc
As they rain down in mine

I wish just one time
I could be there
when it happens
so I could meet
his twisted hardon
with violence
he'd remember
every time he looks
in the mirror,
and her belief
that men can love,
that night,
would be sustained

I make myself a ***** cranberry
with a splash of water
A few gulps and I realize
I don't really want this
I pour it down the drain,
and I wonder
if someone will tell me
it's some kind of sign of alcoholism
I smoke some **** instead

I put my heart on display
At the teddy bear store
When you take it off the shelf,
Will you squeeze it with delight
And cry out, "he's mine!"
Or will you hold it outstretched
"It's got a crooked nose"
Drop it on the ground
And find another one

I miss
being in love,
and I'm afraid
it only happens
one time

Do you think
I could
make something
beautiful
if I tried?

Do you think
it could move
hearts
and
minds?

Do you think
I have it in me
to show
everyone
how I feel
in spite
of my fear
of everything
real?

Do you think
if I reveal just
who
I
am,
anyone
will still
love me?

Do you think
once my
breath
is gone
from my
freshly-tarred
lungs,
anyone will
miss me?

I have tried for too long
to fit into your various segments
I have played the roles of
Christian
Passionate lover
Rebellious son
The perfect one-night stand
Intelligent workplace hero
Humble soccer talent
Competitive PC gamer
College graduate, master's holder
Friend with benefits
Big earner
*** addict in recovery
Devoted husband
Home updater
Fun party guy
Deep-thinking poet
Music-lover, dancer

I fit into none of the roles you have to offer.

I am a primate with a more sophisticated brain and a cleaner body. I declare this with reluctant disappointment.

An observer would see our race developing, bodies and populations increasing in complexity and order; patterns like cities, data flowing through fiber cables, and social constructs aligning like carbon atoms becoming a diamond.

But we will not reach the perfection of a lab-created stone.

We have significant inclusions,
The most glaring of which is purposelessness.

Is there anyone watching?

He sits back,
Cards at his chest
Funk tunes in the air
Poolside vibes
There are options here,
But not the one, yet

It's late at night
and I open the door
The warm glow
of a someday-illegal
incandescent light
gently fills my living room
I plug my phone
into the receiver
and set it to full volume
techno
it's time to vibe

I get down like this
every night
til it's later than what's right
because I love it,
but I can't lie
I'm also missing something;
I don't have your love
to carry me to bed
so I can sleep peacefully
and calm my restless head

I stay awake until 5 every morning
It's an escape
If I go to bed, I have to think
And I've given up on living

My ex weighs on my mind
And then my other exes join
No one will satisfy me
And my vision is going bad

Art won't be my living
I'll have to go back to productive work
I have no plan, no discipline
And I'm about to **** up some relationships

Everyone is sour, I believe
It's the most obvious quality of mine

Today, on my birthday

My dad texts me
Something loving
About the day I was born
And I think to myself
I never really considered that
As an actual experience of his
Until I was on mushrooms
Watching a movie
A couple weeks ago
I wonder what that was like
He must really love me

I have KFC buffet lunch
With my friend's family
They have more casual
Conversation than mine
More fun, more enjoyable
I don't really know
What to do about that
But it makes me sad
And I like this family
Even though it's not perfect

I say goodbye to my friend
He's my brother
We have the same birthday
Being around his kids was nice
Though it was just a few minutes
They are carefree
Even though there's **** in their lives
He gives me a good hug
Something I've missed
And will miss again
I wish we lived in the same city

I get on a plane
I hope to sit next to the perfect girl
It wouldn't matter anyway
Since I'm too angry and hurt
I'm seated next to a guy
With slightly bad breath
I put on some music
And work on a poem
**** it all
I'm not ready, am I

I wonder who she will be
If she's anyone at all
I'm severely pessimistic
At 30 years old
About finding that connection
About healing to where I'm ready
It's not like I have forever
A late bloomer in life
Except for that marriage thing
That didn't work out

On my birthday
Am I supposed to think
About this kind of stuff?
Everyone would say no
But maybe
There's no better time
Why do birthdays have to be happy anyway?
It might not be the happiest
But I'm making it one to remember

Your mess
Spills out of
Your cuteness
And that's okay

"
People are more likely to believe in the supernatural—God, angels, or miracles—when they feel lonely than when they don't, according to new research out of the University of Chicago. The team of researchers also found that people alleviate loneliness by anthropomorphizing —turning objects into people that can keep them company. "When people lack a sense of connection with other people, they are more likely to see their pets, gadgets, or gods as humanlike," says Nicholas Epley, an assistant professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago’s Graduate School of Business and one of the study's authors.
"

So where is this made
up object known
as God when I'm
more lonely than
I've ever
been in
my life?

When the
Most enjoyment
I can
Get out of life is
By
Cutting up my
Non-poetic
Lines of
iN
The most annOYing
Wa
Y
Possibl
E,
U
Kno
W
I'
M
Pretty
****

you say
this
I look at you like
that
make a joke
here
a brush across the hand
there
a smile
a laugh
a text
a kiss
and I'm bored
I see the moves
as they occur
before they unfold
I know just what
you're going to do
what you're going to say
and what I'm supposed to
and I'm bored
I'm ******* bored

I remember when you told me
about a guy you met
with whom you had a connection
from the outset
He looked at you with a look
you'll never forget
When he spoke,
you heard the truth
about the stardust you came from
Who knows
where the star came from,
but you came from it
Why did you run from him?
As beautiful as you are,
it only would have taken a look
It would have been a look
he'd never forget
And you could have both kept
remembering it together
until the very end
And I can't understand
Why did you run from it?

Ran around all night
Unsure why I was in
But not about to turn it down

There she was again
With those black pants
If you can call them that

Crisis after crisis
Where's the birthday girl?
Search five different spots

Drugs sold, embellished
Never seen that life first hand
But now I can hold my own
Guy will get himself locked up
I think he wants to

Where's the birthday girl's friend?
Getting coked
Won't join
Dealer's best friend

I listened to her actions
They were loud
She saw situations as they were
Friends came first
Even if it was nonsense
They needed her for

Her red lips, I watched
Her soft hips, I touched

Mile a minute
But not overworked
Smiles all night
Living the life

I'm trying
to rely on
the right people
instead of the wrong,
but I find I don't have
the right people
to rely on

no one seems
to be a person
who's healthy
for me to confide in

some are healthy
in their own life,
but not right for me
to seek comfort in

others are unhealthy
or unstable;
not a solid foundation
from which to build

the issues I have
seem to be internal,
so perhaps it's best
I go it alone

I suppose I have to send the first text
I suppose it has to be just right
Right time of day
Sincere, but not serious
Playful, but not juvenile
Smart, but not intimidating
Polite, but not formal
Happy
And then I'll wait

Or how about I just say **** it
It's pointless anyway

Don't put your heart through a filter
On its way to the page
Don't pump it up with violence
Unless violence lives inside
I don't need a disconnected intellectual discourse
I won't read your descriptions
If I can barely understand them
Just
Use your voice
Your own voice
So I can see who you are
So I can love you as you are
Without guessing
Who's behind your words
Is that so scary?

and I'm not
going to
say it
to you,
so I'll just
say it
here instead

I'm still recognizing
your lies
three months later,
and it hurts
it really hurts.

So you don't hear well, you say
Left ear a bit better than right
You're a little apologetic at first
But you look me in the eye
And at my lips when they move

When you look away
You don't hear me sometimes
But maybe that's okay
Maybe I could learn from you
To speak with more intent

I wait as your head is turned
And due to your brief absence
When you look back my way
I brighten all the more

No raw rock voices
Of broken men with life
I can't hear you right now
You're too much of my story

But I will get lost in you,
techno;
Your monotony makes me forget me

She's a burlesque performer
And I wonder,
Does she carry that confidence to bed?
Does she have to act with a real man?
Or has she ever even been with one-
One who took her to bed
Because of who she was to him?
Would she crumble then,
The way she stumbled to answer my little questions about her?

Why did you run from me?
Could the sad story be true?
That you're stuck in fear
Of being loved by anyone true
A beautiful girl
And no one can share it with you
The only men you'll try
Guarantee to leave you dry
But it's safer that way
Since you've seen the future already

Probably not
It's probably some grey ******* reality
Like everything else
No redemption, no healing to be found
Nothing very interesting
Just human drudgery
Some feelings ignited for a while
And now they've gone out

Woooooooooooooooooooooo life!

Beautiful girl,
You strike fear at my core

You alone can get close to me,
And only slowly,
One secret at a time

As I release them to you,
One by one,
I fear you'll turn away and run

The more you hear,
The more you may hurt me
But still I will try,

For the thought of your beauty
Wrapped around me entirely
Is greater than the sum of my fear

everything's perfectly aligned on screen
IM windows in the corner,
my several pinned tabs:
email, poetry, music, analytics stuff,
and a book a girl told me about
my desk is a disaster:
a book about curing moods
from one of my best friends
tax papers, pay stubs,
eye drops, spent soccer tickets,
a can of anti-itch spray,
plastic bbs, empty boxes,
and paraphernalia
the clock only keeps ticking
and I wonder if the devil in me
will come out in my dreams again tonight
I hope I don't wake up on the floor again

You give me those
"I want you" eyes

Pass me by
Several times
No accident of yours
No minding of mine
I ask you your name

You say,
You have to be a good dancer
Or I'm out

I wonder,
Have you been watching me?
If you haven't seen me
Getting down unlike any other
Being respectful
And respected,

Then your desirous eyes
Are ******* blind

We watched the fire
Rain fell
And you remembered the fire
You lived through a dozen years ago

Your experiences pent up,
They don't come out often
But after several drinks
Among people you've begun to trust,
You can tell your stories

We know you're not sure
How you feel about them,
But I can tell you
I'm no fan of cruelty

Beneath your
Uncertain reverence
Of those days,
I think there's anger
At the humiliation you faced

And one layer deeper,
There's hurt
Over the goodness you lost

I hear it in your hesitation
Each time you bring something out
You know it's not quite right,
And I know you're kind inside

Heal, friend
You're worth having around

ip-10-0-0-32# find /stl -type g -h -le 5.5 \
-age -ge 24 -age -le 32 -bt thin \
-hrt soft -and undrstdg \
-prs lback -iq -ge 120 \
-fce soft -skn soft -all soft \
-not -name 'Katie'

How long do I have to deal with an internal shitfest
How long will I think she's a good person
Will I ever look at her the way others do
My friend thinks she strung me along, too
He says he confronted her about it and she got quiet
She does that when she disagrees
She doesn't want to argue
She just likes agreeable people
She's incapable of being honest
Why do I still love this girl?
Because she's ******* beautiful

You wear concealer,
mascara, blush;
My makeup is
transparent
I'm not comfortable
around any of you;
I'm tightly wound
around the fingers
of the females
who left me
behind

Dead tired before midnight,
Feeling like an old man
I hold onto this screen
To keep myself awake and sane
It's something of a safety blanket,
Don't you think?

Blues echo around inside
I'm inadequate to handle
The weight of tomorrow
If I fall asleep,
It'll be here now
If I lay awake,
I can delay it an hour

I never realized until now,
The reason I can't find my love
is that I'm looking for it
in a woman
But it's you,
my brother,
who never had
a chance to live

You're the one
whose love I miss

Nothing left to give,
I take a double shot of whisky,
Ironically,
From the shot glass she gave me

****, girl, it makes me sick
I took a genuine interest in you
Sharing songs
Concerned for your health
Got along so well
Had so much fun
Cuddled close
Intimacy of body, heart, and mind

But go back to this *******,
This ******* *****
This man-child who thinks he's got a big ****
This guy who treats you like ****
***** whoever he wants and won't quit
When he goes to rap shows you think he's tame?
You think he's respectful and doesn't play games?
*******, you've gotta be blind
He just does whatever's on his mind
He can't love you the way you need
He's out for himself
He doesn't care if you bleed
The lies he tells!
I told one lie
It knocked you to the floor
Why so much pain from one lie of mine?
Could it be because I'm actually real?
This ******* does **** all the time
He gets a pass
Don't you suffer from that?
Or do you just avoid looking at that?
Shield your eyes?
Numb your heart?
Leave your spoken word unfinished
*** it might show how you feel
Is that called working it out?
You give him everything
And deny yourself?

I've got plenty of hurt
But don't give it a thought
Somehow I'll manage to go without
You, though, if you keep asking for pain
I'm beginning to think it might **** you one day

No wonder
Everyone does drugs
How can you deal with this *******
Without any ******* drugs?

Could you please pretend,
For one night,
That you're in love with me?

Cuddle up next to me,
But not like last time;
Like you're here for me,
Not just coincidentally

Turn your gaze toward me
With a look of deep content
And a twist of sweet happiness
And kiss me back this time
When I kiss you on the cheek

Hold my hand
And move your fingers,
Caressing mine,
And making me feel
As adored as you are

I stare at her picture
On a backlit screen
I look for something there
Something so deep it could quench
But I don't know **** about her
And, thankfully,
She doesn't know **** about me

I'll be in the middle of doing my thing...
Look,
Honestly,
I'm looking at ****, ok?
And I'll see a girl
doing something you liked to do
And I think,
You liked that...
and in general,
it's a turn-on,
But now,
I just remember you
and I miss you
Not just for what this girl and you do,
but YOU.
I actually stop.
I stop and write a poem, for ****'s sake.
And I miss you.

I remember you,
Gram-ma
I remember your calm
Even as you grew old,
Even with death in plain view,
You were Gram-ma
Relaxed, steady,
A pleasure to be around

I love you, Gram-ma
And I want a woman
Just like you
To call my own

You've flipped the switch
No more feeling
Your mom beat you

She disparaged you for hours
A failure at everything
A total disappointment

It makes me sad
To hear you speak fondly
Of a hastened death

You're not perfect, man
But you're my friend